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Original poster

How to gently tell partner I don't like gift

109 replies

Runnermumof2 · 11/10/2025 10:11

So I was out 10 year anniversary yesterday. We don't really celebrate things like that, but being 10 years he wanted to get something to mark it. It was very nice of him and gave me a watch last night. Problem is that he really likes collecting nice watches, i don't.
He did say it wasn't expensive "so that I will wear it" and he left the receipt inside. I was £400. To me that's still expensive and honestly, I don't actually like it. It feels old fashioned to me, I know his mum would like it, so maybe that's what he was thinking ?
He said it would be good for work, as iv just gone back from maternity leave. Second problem being that I work in a hospital, so am not allowed to wear watches and am 'bare below the elbow'
How do I let him know gently that I'd prefer to return it ? I did try to bring up the topic when he mentioned that he's spent the last of his monthly money on is in a jokey way and said 'but I would have been happy with a trip to B&M, you didn't have to buy me a watch' and he responded that it was something he really wanted to do to mark the occasion.

I'm stuck. I don't want to hurt his feelings. But also I know if I keep it, it will just gather dust in the cupboard and the money could be much better spent elsewhere.
Any help ?

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 11/10/2025 15:14

Just tell him.

outerspacepotato · 11/10/2025 15:21

Tell him you can't wear watches at work and you don't care for watches.

How does he not know you are constantly hand washing and can't wear watches when you work in health care?

If he gets upset, tell him he bought a gift he liked, not a gift he thought you would like. There's a big difference.

TalulahJP · 11/10/2025 15:33

“I love the watch thanks so much. Im gutted i can wear it all day though as it’s a bare below the elbow policy in nursing nowadays and they are enforcing it.

I never thought to mention it as I didn’t expect such an expensive gift. Sorry I didn’t tell you prior that’s on me.

I want to wear your gift every day as it’s from you, is there any chance I can swap it for jewellery that’s above the elbow so I CAN wear it, we could go together and I’ll pay for lunch?”

YourPeppyAmberTraybake · 11/10/2025 15:34

I’d go down the work avenue and maybe throw in a nickel allergy as well. Then suggest he exchanges it for something you choose together such as earrings etc.

MorningFresh · 11/10/2025 15:34

If he got it from a high st jewellers take it back and get some earrings or something else you prefer.

BauhausOfEliott · 11/10/2025 15:52

“It’s so lovely of you to buy me a watch and I know you spent a lot of money and put a lot of thought into it - but the thing is, I honestly can’t see myself wearing it. I’m not allowed to wear a wristwatch at work, and also it isn’t quite my style. £400 is so much of your money for something that won’t really get used and I can’t bear the thought of it going to waste, so why don’t we exchange it for something else or get the money back and I can choose something different?”

PrivateMusic · 11/10/2025 15:55

I’d just tell him that £400 is way too much for a watch you will hardly ever wear.

Instructions · 11/10/2025 16:01

I don't really think he is being great here, op,. He knows you aren't into watches. He should know you can't wear them at work. He has spent £400 on something he likes that is of no use to you and framed it as a gift to to you... What sort of gift is that?

BountifulPantry · 11/10/2025 16:04

Just say its not for you and youd prefer x instead.

I wouldn't worry too much about his feelings. You can say you really appreciate the thought etc., and be polite.

But at the end if the day, he got you something he liked, so he didn't really have you at the front if his mind anyway.

splim · 11/10/2025 16:20

Do be clear with him that you would rather return the watch and you are not allowed to wear it to work.

Saying nothing and "sparing his feelings" would backfire. He would see you not wearing it daily, it would hurt his feelings, and by the time the conversation is had it would be too late to return. You'd get the blame for failing to be honest with him. I think you should bite the bullet and say you'd like to swap it. Other jewellery that you would wear, even if only infrequently, would be a nice reflection of his intentions and quite easy in practice to swap, if you wear necklaces or earrings.

Badger32 · 11/10/2025 16:23

Get your money back ,then say it was lost at work

BeaLola · 11/10/2025 16:26

TalulahJP · 11/10/2025 15:33

“I love the watch thanks so much. Im gutted i can wear it all day though as it’s a bare below the elbow policy in nursing nowadays and they are enforcing it.

I never thought to mention it as I didn’t expect such an expensive gift. Sorry I didn’t tell you prior that’s on me.

I want to wear your gift every day as it’s from you, is there any chance I can swap it for jewellery that’s above the elbow so I CAN wear it, we could go together and I’ll pay for lunch?”

This and depending on your jewellery likes /work rules / jewellery you don't currently have I would either go for a lovely necklace I could wear every day or a lovely pair of earrings

RhaenysRocks · 11/10/2025 16:47

Dozer · 11/10/2025 10:19

Doesn’t sound like he put much thought into it really - he’s the one who wears and likes watches, he didn’t ask what you’d like or take you to choose something.

If it was £50 that’d be one thing but £400 is a lot of money to waste

This!! Your ten year anniversary and he doesn't know you can't wear a watch? And watches are "his thing"..he hasn't actually thought about you at all. HE wanted to mark it in a way HE thought was good. I'm not a man hater before people pile on but this isn't a thoughtful gift gone wrong. As a contrast, my DP bought me an expensive leather bound notebook with really thick pages. I like notebooks, I sometimes write in them so I totally get why he got it. I won't use this one because the way it's bound makes it awkward. But it was thoughtful and about me. I would most definitely be returning the watch.

tripleginandtonic · 11/10/2025 17:58

Can't you just wear it and enjoy the fact he chose it for you.

RhaenysRocks · 11/10/2025 18:00

tripleginandtonic · 11/10/2025 17:58

Can't you just wear it and enjoy the fact he chose it for you.

Well she can't because she isn't allowed to and why would you enjoy something he chose totally wrong?

MayaPinion · 11/10/2025 18:11

He didn’t get it because he thought you might love it. He got it because he liked it and liked the idea of it on you - like when men buy women scratchy red underwear (only classier). It’s really a present for him. If you wear jewelry tell him you appreciate the gesture but you wouldn’t get a chance to wear it so could you pick a necklace or earrings instead? Rather than have something that would sit on a box all the time, could you have something that would remind you of him every day 😉

caringcarer · 11/10/2025 18:19

I'd say you are not allowed to wear it at work and so would prefer to return it if you can, and use cash for a romantic weekend break.

Mrsoftandhisstrangeworld · 11/10/2025 18:23

I'd go with the "so I was elbow deep in a patient today and when I left the room I just couldn't find my watch. Three hours and an x ray later we realized that unfortunately it's wrapped itself around this guy's small intestine and the surgeon is refusing to give it back"

sealandforest · 11/10/2025 18:26

You’ve been together 10yrs and he doesn’t know about your life in a hospital or what that looks like practically or maybe wondered why you never wear a watches? This is not a thoughtful or observant man.

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 11/10/2025 18:43

I wouldn't say I didn't like it, he put effort and thought into it. I'd instead say "oh God, just realised I won't be allowed to wear at work. What would you prefer, to return it, or to keep it but know it'll be in its box most of the time"? It doesn't sound like you really hate it, just it's not massively to your taste, so if you just wear it a couple of times a year on a date night or weekend away, and he feels that's not a waste and that isn't an issue for you then I'd go with it. There's not loads of things I own that my dh chose (my engagement ring, a few bits of jewellry) and the thought that's gone into those and knowing they represent his effort, time and taste, kind of matters more than the actual thing (to me). Yes you could return it and he could keep £300 and you could buy £100 of useful stuff in B and M, but in 25 yrs will you even have those bits anymore. Yes it might sit in a box, but one day you'll see it and it'll remind you of him.

Needmorelego · 11/10/2025 18:46

I can't believe that people wouldn't say something over a £400 gift they wouldn't ever use.
400 QUID.
Oh to be that rich 😂

whatisheupto · 11/10/2025 18:53

I tried to vote YANBU but accidentally pressed YABU so please ignore!

Lobelia123 · 11/10/2025 18:57

I’d accept the gift and the spirit it was given in in good grace and with deep thanks that I was so loved, and pull it out to wear with pride on every holiday and special occasion. There’s something more important at stake here than your personal sense of style or utility….

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 11/10/2025 19:04

I can understand why you feel this way.

I also don’t like presents that feel like the person had wasted their money. And also that feel like the person giving the gift has never actually met you!

I would have to say something to him- some pps have suggested a nice way to say it - no point being unkind about it but I think you should say something. Such a waste of money otherwise!

Cynic17 · 11/10/2025 19:08

It was a kind and generous gift, so don't say anything.
He's right - for a watch, it's not expensive so just wear it now and again. Assuming it does actually tell the time, it will be fine.

Please don't upset him by telling him you don't like it!