Just buy a 5 bed......

[InBedBy10]

.......This was said repeatedly on another thread, where the OP was trying to figure out bedroom situations with kids and step kids.

Am I the only one who thinks Mumsnet is breathtakingly out of touch? Most people I know have struggled to get a basic 3 bed. Alot cant even get that. Casually telling someone to "just buy a 5 bed" , like its so easy is down right moronic in my view. The housing crisis is well publicised. You cant be that stupid!

If they could afford a bigger house, wouldn't they be looking for a bigger house?

@Nanny0gg why assume that?

I don’t think it was an u reasonable suggestion on that thread. Both the OP and the partner, understandably, wanted their own children to have their own rooms. This fosters a sense of belonging and feeling at home. At the ages talked about I think sharing rooms might be the nail in the coffin for the DCs in terms of overnight stays with that parent. The house they are buying can not accommodate this so something has to give - either one of them backs down, they don’t move in together, expensive conversions/extension, or they find a five bed they can afford which may very well mean moving far from where they are now. They either prioritise their DC or prioritise their relationship, or buy a house that allows both - those are the solutions.

lots of MN threads seem to be about wanting everything and no compromise. Like the woman who had four kids while claiming UC, split up with the father and now incredulous that her UC will be taken away if she moves in with new partner. Can’t have it all.

No reason why they can't just stay in the current houses they can afford then.

Normally I would agree with you on this sort of thing, like the thread currently going where people are suggesting you can have multiple houses - even in London. if you just 'work harder' like they did/do... 🙄

But in my experience, and in my area, a 5 bed house doesn't cost heaps more than a 4 bed house. A private estate 4 bed would cost say £495K, and a 5 bed would cost £50K-£60K more. Some people who can afford half a million for a house, could raise the extra £50K to £60K for a house with one extra bedroom.

Ditto, ex council houses in towns... An ex council 4 bed house in my nearest town, (would be a semi,) would be around £195K, and a 5 bed ex council, (whilst more rare, do exist,) would be £215K. So yeah, I don't think there would be a massive difference in the price between a 4 bed house and a 5 bed house - in some areas...

No, that one person on Mumsnet is breathtakingly out of touch.

Mumsnet is a hive mind.

You are Mumsnet. I am Mumsnet.

Normally I agree with you, but on that thread the 4 kids from two families all had their own rooms but were going to move in together and make a blended family and not all have their own rooms. My advice would have been to wait, but they were forcing the issue by marrying

It’s about more than being a safe and warm roof over their heads when it comes to the very emotionally tricky process of blending families.

If these teenagers are used to their own rooms already then it’s forcing them to downgrade for no other reason than their parents’ selfish desire to be with their new partner. If they can’t afford to maintain a bedroom each for their kids then they need to keep things as they are.

It’s very different from choosing to have a second or third baby knowing that they’ll grow up sharing a room with their own sibling because you can’t afford a bigger house.

It's not really about telling people to buy a bigger house is it? It's people blending families and squashing them into houses that aren't big enough to meet the needs of the children involved. Then wringing their hands on MN about how to allocate bedrooms. Frankly parents putting their wants above their children's needs in a lot of cases. I get that you can't magic up expanding houses, but maybe it's just not always a good idea to move in together.

@soniiaa
more thinking about your blended family / not enough bedroom space here

Exactly.

What is in the best interests of the children is very rarely considered and they're just supposed to get on with having their entire life uprooted for their parents' desires.

Parental wants should not trump children's needs.

Several posters said emphatically they would never not keep a room for their child when they went to uni, full stop, as though this were the only acceptable thing.

Most people who blend families are selfish and don't care about the children involved. They just care about their own wants.

My NDNs are like this. She has three children to a previous partner, one to current partner in a four bed house....numbers aren't adding up. They aren't all getting a bedroom each.

Presumably this is after they’d taken in some ironing, stopped buying their weekly coffee from a shop and made the chicken last for an extra couple
of meals?!? 😂😂😂

Haven't you noticed though that the replies to most threads are, quite honestly, absolutely bizarre?! Someone writes about how their husband hasn't been heard from for 15 hours and the replies all staye how controlling the woman is for messaging him...
Or there's the 'that wouldn't bother me' which is the standard reply to anyone being bothered by anyone. I really do think most of the replies are trolls

While I agree with you that a lot of posters are completely out of touch, I don't agree with you about that particular thread.
It was a suggestion a few people made and a few people suggested that if they can't afford a 5 bed they wait until they can. There are currently two 3-bedroom houses which means each child has their own room. They want to move in together which means two of the children will have to share and they can't agree on what to do and it sounds like the OP's partner wants his children to have separate rooms which would leave OP's DD who is at uni without a room and that is absolutely not ok.
So either they wait until they can afford a 5 bed, they move somewhere else where they can afford a 5 bed or they wait to move in until either OP's DD or the partner's eldest son move out (permanently, not just to uni).

I'd normally agree with you, most threads are like that but not this one in particular that you're talking about for plenty or reasons including they've already both got 2x3 bedroom houses, all children already have their own room and the ages of the children involved.

All of these things come at a huge cost, either financially or emotionally, possibly both.

Yes, and if your DC are over 18 you’re being ridiculous if you’re concerned about their welfare because “they’re an adult”. My sister was 60 when our mum died and she was still fretting about her to the end.

Because of course it would never occur to someone struggling for space that a bigger house would be the solution!. I loathe where I live, horrible area, horrible neighbours so the solution would be to move but there is not way I can afford to. Lack of money is the thing that prevents people being able to make practial and positive changes in their lives. I would need about £70k to move to a better area and that is just not a realistic prospect as I am a single retired person. Short of winning the lottery which will never happen as I do not buy tickets I am stuck where I am

Maybe don’t try and shoehorn existing children into unsuitable living arrangements because you can’t possibly live without living with another adult and their children and who your children are not related too and they would probably prefer not to live with?

But they can be changed within a few minutes to a year at the most.

The point being if you are unhappy you can change your life

Part of the reason I enjoy this site are the almost crazily out of touch comments. One that made me howl was a poster annoucing that they could never live in a house without a utility room!

We should change the name from 'blended family' to 'forced sharing of homes for kids'. Bit of a mouthful but actually truthful. You cannot blend a family.

I've never even met anyone who lives in a 5 bed. I've seen very few 5 beds when I've been searching for houses, even when looking at ones I could never afford.

Yes it is unrealistic when people suggest things like buying a 5 bed house, however the context needs to be taken into account like the thread you are referring to. It is always the mum who wants her children to have their own space and rooms, and never the stepchildren.

Someone also mentioned people saying just have therapy. Yes while it may be hard to access on the NHS if you don't actually try and make an appointment then it will never happen. Also some people if they wanted could pay privately, check what their workplace offers or if they have any health insurance that might cover it.

I think people are sometimes just trying to give the OP a reality check.