To expect my DH to give up alcohol?

[Pushhhh]

If you were a recovering alcoholic would you expect your partner to give up alcohol to support you?

Not completely no. But I guess if he is sitting there on a friday night drinking wine it’s going to be difficult. But I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect anyone to quit completely.

No, your addiction is your issue to deal with, not his.

No he isnt the one with addiction issues.

Absolutely not

It would be easier for you if there was no alcohol in the house. Maybe that could be a compromise. He can drink while out, just not in the house

It wouldn't occur to me that he should. He may choose to do so himself, but can't be expected to or demanded to by the alcoholic.

That said it would be unhelpful of him to sit there sinking several pints on a Friday night, or to keep alcohol in the house.

Is this a reverse?

No, but I would expect them to be considerate.

No but I would expect consideration ie. No alcohol in the house

No, but I'd ask for a compromise where there is no alcohol in the house but he's free to drink when out.

No

I think its reasonable in early recovery to not have alcohol in the house or expect you to socialise with him in pubs and bars but it is not reasonable for you to expect him to stop drinking as well

No - I would expect a conversation about it but it’s not reasonable to expect someone else without an addiction to give up alcohol.

One of my best friends partners is a recovering alcoholic- 12 years sober now - and he joins her drinking but he drinks the 0% versions.

I think siting drinking in the house next to you would be very insensitive.
But having a drink when out and about at a meal or pub would be fine.

No. But I think that that is “no alcohol in the house” is a reasonable permanent rule. And “no alcohol when I am there” is a reasonable rule for the first year or two.

In my experience though there are two types of people who are married to alcoholics. 1. Those that have learnt to hate alcohol and everything it means. They would happily never drink ever again if it meant their spouse got sober. 2. Those that have an alcohol problem themselves but don’t want to admit it. It is almost impossible to get and stay sober whilst remaining married to them.

No I wouldn't expect him to give up alcohol, it would be nice / kind of him not to leave alcohol in the house, so if he wants 4 cans on a Friday he buys them and drinks all of them but obviously that wouldn't work if he preferred wine or spirits.

Or he could go to the pub and have a few so it's out of sight of you.
But how would you feel if he came home tipsy / drunk ?

Obviously if he gets drunk regularly and you have to deal with bad attitude/ sick/ staggering that's a different story.

This sounds reasonable to me.

No absolutely not, i may be married but we are individuals

I’m currently giving up alcohol because I need to. I don’t expect DH to give up alcohol. However I asked that he not get drunk in front of me (so he can have a few but just not act steaming) or talk about getting ‘wasted’ which he did once and that annoyed me.

I may be a bit unusual though as we still have alcohol in the house and I don’t have the desire to drink it whatsoever. My issue is more when in large groups who are drinking.

I think the context is important here. If he met you knowing you were a recovering alcoholic I think he accepted that as part of the relationship and should be considerate of the fact (eg not have any alcohol in the home).

If this is a problem you’ve developed over time and he can drink moderately, then I think you would be unreasonable to have a complete ban at home.

If he also has an alcohol problem that again changes my position and I think you would be better off apart. When one decides to quit and the other continues to dangerous levels, it doesn’t tend to end well for either.

I'd expect them not to drink around me and I wouldn't drink around a recovering alcoholic. I don't think it's much to ask.

So because she’s developed alcoholism over time it’s perfectly ok for him to stay drinking and keeping alcohol in the home? Even though drinking again could lead to her death?

OK. I think if you love someone you support their recovery and health. And if you can’t give up drinking at home for that well… then you’re an alki yourself.

In the house, yes.

If your partner can’t support you in recovering from addiction they don’t sound very supportive full stop.

Tough one and me and DH are both in recovery so have a different set up. As a standard rule we dont have alcohol in the house however have adult DC (19/21yrs) who are entitled to socialise how they wish. The compromise we have is if it's a heavy night they tend to stay at their friends but tipsy etc they come home.

I wouldn't expect someone to not drink around me or change their behaviour for my circumstances. Support can be shown in lots of ways - having a free pass to leave an event without being judged/questioned (work xmas party springs to mind - i tend to show my face and bow out early. Theres only so much OJ/pop you can drink).

Early recovery I think its reasonable to ask a partner not to have it in the home but it can't be an expectation. If it's not something they can do then maybe you're on different pages and you need a rethink on the relationship!

No. I'd expect there to be no alcohol in the house, but what your partner drinks when not with you, is not relevant.

I think it would be a nice thing to... however I say that as a person who doesn't really drink anyway.

I'd say at a minimum no alcohol in the house and don't drink in front of them.