Friend wants me to pay

[wineosaurusrex]

Friend moved away from our city and left a couple of suitcases of clothes at my house as she had too much to carry on the plane. It was an international move. I agreed to post later.

Now she's settled she wants me to post her the bags. I said okay and got some quotes (using contacts she sent me) to send the bags. I let her know and asked her to send the money over.

She's got extremely angry and upset claiming that I should pay. She offered me less than half of the money as that's all she has available in her bank account of the country where i live, but is not offering to wire any money over.

She's claiming i repeatedly promised i would pay (which i never, ever said - i was mortified when i found out she thought i was paying!). She has said really unkind things like "You're not keeping my stuff!" implying that i'm trying to steal it, and called me disorganized and forgetful for not having posted it (when the real reason is that I just need the money in advance!). She became very angry when i said im sorry for any misunderstanding but i would never offer to pay, and told me i was calling her a liar. I had to temporarily block her as this all happened before 7:00 a.m and I was late for work because she wouldn't stop going on at me! I suffer from anxiety and it was horrendous to wake up and have to deal with this before work. I felt shaky and unwell all morning.

For reference its over £200 to send, she offered me around £60. I am a single mum of two living and working alone abroad whereas she is single, has no kids and lives rent-free in her family home. I am shocked that she not only thought i'd pay but became so aggressive when I said i couldn't afford to!

I have said i'll send it to another friend so they can send it to her but other friend is abroad at the moment and also feels that she should send the money so i'm not sure they will actually accept the bags when they return!

What would you do?

@wineosaurusrex Be very cautious about your friend transferring money to your account for you to arrange shipping, let her organise everything* *so that her name, address & (bank/credit card) account are associated with transport of her belongings, and not your details

Is this really for real?

OMG! I’m afraid this is a friendship you are going to have to write off.
Message her one more time advising her that no you definitely did not agree to pay and she has until x date to send you ALL the money for postage or her stuff will be going to a charity shop (or binned, depending on whether shop will accept).
She might say she’s going to the Police to report her disposed of items, but they won’t take any notice because the onus will be on her to prove you offered to pay, which she doesn’t have. And you are under no obligation to provide free storage for her stuff.

Is it at all possible this IS actually a misunderstanding rather than a deliberate attempt to be malicious? You two had a conversation about sending on her excess stuff, payment wasn’t specifically mentioned, you (rightly) assumed she’d pay and she took you saying you’d send it on as you saying you’d pay? Even in this unlikely better case scenario she was incredibly naive. More likely she’s chancing her arm and thinking now she is abroad she can take the hit on the friendship and try to guilt you into paying. Don’t do it. Don’t even accept half.

You were doing her a favour! Storage costs money. Tell her to fuck off.

She’s taking the piss and chancing it Op. She knows you didn’t offer to pay and she’s purposefully accusing you of things to scare you into paying.

Tell her to pay the sum for the postage or you’ll donate it all to charity. And tell her to stop taking the piss out of you. Stop apologising and panicking - she is the one being rude and presumptive and she knows it.

Consider the friendship over.

Let me get this right -

1. You offered to take her stuff free of charge and hold it until she was settled, meaning she saved hundreds on a storage unit.
2. Now that she is ready for it she is demanding you pay for it to be shipped over?

What the actual…. She’s mad! That’s absolutely unbelievable! Under absolutely no circumstance do you pay for that, she’s clearly no friend, text her and tell her you want it out of your house in the next few weeks or it’s going to the dump, and she needs to organise it all. I don’t know why you were the one getting the quotes?? Madness.

Just send her one short message - that job will send the stuff after she sends you the full cost. Then repeat the same message over each time she contacts you. If this goes on much longer block her.

This! 👆🏼

You give a deadline and if she hasn’t sent you the money by then you take it to a charity shop. What a horrible friend she is. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this OP. She sounds just like awful.

On what planet would it be your responsibility to foot the cost for HER clothes to be shipped to HER?!
You have been kind enough to store them. I would say she needs to foot the bill else within a month they will be donated or I would charge storage costs. Friendship over

Coming up to bonfire night... I know what I would do.

I think you're being too kind, OP. Send both a clear, factual email and text saying you only ever agreed to store her personal items for her temporarily. You did so free of charge, due to your friendship. At no point did you agree to ship the said items to her free of charge and you don't know where she got that idea. You are no longer able to provide free storage and, as such, you request she arrange removal of her items, at her own cost, within one month. If the items aren't removed by that date, you will have no choice but to throw them out.

OP has she ever displayed this type of behaviour when not getting her way, or about money, before? Because I had (past tense) a friend who would often use strategies like this to guilt trip compliance out of people. I doubt very much she believes you said you would pay to send her things over and has made that up. The whole “stealing her stuff” is also likely a tactic to portray you as the bad guy.

Judge Judy would say: There was no written contract, therefore her assertions are baseless. You could be charging her storage, but you have not (you are being reasonable trying to help a friend out.) She can either: 1. Send you all of the money when she is ready (but put a time limit on it of say 8 weeks) or 2. it can either be dropped at 'another friend' of hers to deal with, or 3. you will donate it to goodwill. Tell her if she doesn't reply by xx date, you will take it to option 3. Sorry she is being such a Bxxxch.. She is not your friend.

Exactly this. She can arrange courier collection, fuck the hassle of getting them posted after how she's behaved. I'd tell her in one message that thats what's happening and that you won't be engaging any further other than actual logistics re collection of the clothes.

Friend this is the price. I have till x time to send money. If no payment has been received by x time then everything will be donated. Simple.
it’s unlikely this friendship is going to continue anyway so put it plain and simple.

Cut off contact with this friend. Dump her. She sounds a nightmare. If she doesn't give you the full money take her stuff to a charity shop.

On what planet would you pay for her to get her stuff ? She wants it sending she pays for it end of story ! She's a cheeky fuck expecting someone else to pay for HER belongings to be posted

This is kind of Judge Judy style stuff.
Send an email and a text stating a deadline for either the money to be paid to you or for the items to be collected and explain that if they arent collected by said date they will disposed of at the nearest charity shop.

I would say:

”When you send me the money I can arrange shipping”.

And would only respond with that phrase everytime she asked. Although I would have probably dropped this friend.

Tell here she has two options:

1. send the money and you'll post
2. send a pre-paid carrier to collect

Give her a deadline such as 'if it is not paid/collected within 28 days the property will be deemed abandoned and scrapped'.

Yes it is total madness. I thought all of this too.

The cheek defies belief. It's as if she has malfunctioned, because I can't see how logic could get you anywhere close to what she's expecting of you.

Is she younger than you? Maybe she's seeing you as her sort of parent figure in another country (since you have kids). Perhaps when she asked if you would send it on she assumed it meant free of charge and naturally you didn't even consider that. I'd say, if this is true, then it's a breakdown of communication and sadly it's up to her to learn her lesson (that not everyone does stuff for her free of charge) and foot the bill. If she continues to be nasty, you could always tell her she could've paid £10-15 storage per week so you've actually saved her money. Perhaps ask her why she thinks the bill is your responsibility? (do not accept "because you told me that you would pay", actually ask why she would expect you to in the first place and point out that sending and paying are 2 different things and she would do well to clarify this in future when she has unrealistic expectations of people's generosity). She's forgetting you are trying to make the effort to send it in the first place. You don't have to, like others have said, she could organise it all, after agreeing a day for the pick up. Also point out that you don't have the money and tell her to ask her family (why would she expect you to pay and not them?) if she is desperate to have the stuff back. I'd pass it off to the friend if possible and then try to forget about it.

Hi Friend,

To be clear, I have never wanted to and never would want to keep your things. That is a bizarre thing to suggest. I agreed for them to be kept her as a favour to you. Being kind and offering you this favour is something I deeply regret. I am shocked at how you are twisting this and behaving to be honest.

If I had the £200, I would just send your stuff in order to make you and the situation go away, despite it being such an utterly insane thing of you to even suggest. However, I have no means to pay for this shipment, I don't have the money. Once you have managed to arrange for a transfer, let me know and I will arrange for the shipping accordingly. Please note that will be the last communication we have. I am not willing to hold on to your stuff indefinitely though so if you have not made arrangements by x date, I will take them to the recycling centre. Any further abuse from you, will be reported as harassment.

I would reply to her in writing with a daily fee for storage of items, with a reasonable deadline of when the items must be collected otherwise they will be desposed of.

Once the deadline has been reached, if you still have her stuff, take it to the tip and block her on everything.

This is great, and it’s all in writing as well.

The friendship is over and she is one cheeky betch