Friend wants me to pay

[wineosaurusrex]

Friend moved away from our city and left a couple of suitcases of clothes at my house as she had too much to carry on the plane. It was an international move. I agreed to post later.

Now she's settled she wants me to post her the bags. I said okay and got some quotes (using contacts she sent me) to send the bags. I let her know and asked her to send the money over.

She's got extremely angry and upset claiming that I should pay. She offered me less than half of the money as that's all she has available in her bank account of the country where i live, but is not offering to wire any money over.

She's claiming i repeatedly promised i would pay (which i never, ever said - i was mortified when i found out she thought i was paying!). She has said really unkind things like "You're not keeping my stuff!" implying that i'm trying to steal it, and called me disorganized and forgetful for not having posted it (when the real reason is that I just need the money in advance!). She became very angry when i said im sorry for any misunderstanding but i would never offer to pay, and told me i was calling her a liar. I had to temporarily block her as this all happened before 7:00 a.m and I was late for work because she wouldn't stop going on at me! I suffer from anxiety and it was horrendous to wake up and have to deal with this before work. I felt shaky and unwell all morning.

For reference its over £200 to send, she offered me around £60. I am a single mum of two living and working alone abroad whereas she is single, has no kids and lives rent-free in her family home. I am shocked that she not only thought i'd pay but became so aggressive when I said i couldn't afford to!

I have said i'll send it to another friend so they can send it to her but other friend is abroad at the moment and also feels that she should send the money so i'm not sure they will actually accept the bags when they return!

What would you do?

She sounds like a loon, and as you say, a bully. And if the cases are full of thousands of pounds worth of designer gear, she may indeed want to go to court over it.

Or she might just threaten it to further upset/stress out OP, or bully her into replacing the items if they've been disposed of. A solicitors letter doesn't cost much, and they can look terrifying if you're not clued up. At least if OP knows that they've acted within the law, it's one less thing to worry about.

Also, I just thought people might be interested in the process, given how many people on this thread are saying "chuck it!" :)

This can’t be real. Do people like this exist?! Seriously though you’re being kind enough storing her stuff and she’s taking you for an absolute mug.

I wouldn’t even send it to another friend. And I would want her stuff out asap. Or else she will end up claiming that you lost some of her stuff when you moved it or giving the other friend hassle.

What you do is contact Citizens advice or go on their website or similar. There’s an official letter you can send to people to warn them before you dump their stuff.

Send her that and say please pick your stuff up within X amount of months or it will be disposed of. Don’t engage in any further communication.

The friendship is dead clearly, she has no respect for you and must think you’re an easy touch.

I wouldn’t store massive suitcases for however long it takes her to return again when she’s been such a bitch. (I may do if I had space had she not been an utter CF). Nor would I ever want to see her again when she does return!

A clear message that she has a deadline to arrange her courier and after that it will be disposed of is fine. She really doesn’t deserve any more than that after how she has behaved. But keep the message as proof that you’ve given her this warning and given her ample time (from whenever she left until 2-3 weeks time) to sort her stuff out.

She is scamming you and is not your friend. Does she have any family left in your country who could take the items from you?

Whatever you decide do NOT pay to send her things. Give her a date to fix it by and after that you should block her.

Vinted.

Of al the CF stories i've heard that's the CFiest - send he the link to this thread, ask her what she has to say for herself then block

Unbelievable entitlement from your so called friend. You’ve done her a massive favour so far by storing for free! I’d explain you won’t be paying to forward her things, (you can say you can’t afford to if you want to but you do NOT have to explain yourself), you don’t want them, she needs to send you money to send them on and if you don’t hear from her/receive money to post them you’ll be donating to charity within x amount of time. Good luck.

Tell her to arrange a currie herself on a date if not you will deposit her stuff in the missing objects depot and block her.

Yes definitely give her a timeline then get rid of it all. She is no friend of yours!

Here’s what I would do:

“Hi, actually I won’t be making arrangements to go out of my way to send your belongings after the way you just treated me.
You have a month to make arrangements for a shipping company to come collect them on a suitable day for me (ie a Saturday), after which month I’ll donate the items to charity as I have nowhere to keep them.
If you’re reacting this way because you don’t have the funds to retrieve your own belongings, then maybe I can hold them for a little bit longer. Thank you.”

And then I’d consider the friendship done after this.

I’m absolutely baffled. I had to go return my friend’s books after she moved abroad and she even left me money to cover that. Expecting £200 worth of shipping is insane.

Yes! Good idea and then you don't have to worry about potential customs charges either...

Not sure if I'd actually put this in writing but I'd be so tempted to add

"and yes Jane, I am calling you a liar because I never once promised that I would pay the hefty postal charges to send YOUR belongings back to you. You know that's not true. I tried to help by saying I could post them - nothing more."

I have said i'll send it to another friend so they can send it to her but other friend is abroad at the moment and also feels that she should send the money so i'm not sure they will actually accept the bags when they return!

Why on earth would you do this? For one thing it will cost you to send them to the other friend and then you've basically dumped the problem on the other friend.
Just tell her no, you never offered to pay and you won't be paying so if she wants her stuff back she'll need to transfer over the 200 quid and once you've received the 200 quid in your bank account you'll send the suitcases (and make sure it's some kind of tracked method of delivery...). She'll need to transfer the money by X date or you'll assume she no longer wants the suitcase.
And I would block her after sending that message and have no more contact with her.

Just WOW!!

What an unreasonable entitled cow. Personally I'd start charging her £20 a week storage backdated to when she left them with you and send her an interim invoice for the storage fee so far. If she says that she never agreed this ask her if she is calling you a liar 😉.

I couldn't see a friendship ever recovering from someone treating me like this.

I think you need to give her an ultimatum of when to pay the shipping costs to you or you will dispose of the stuff. The amount in her bank account in your country is irrelevant, she could use something like PayPal (as long as she pays the fees), or better still she can arrange and pay for the shipping herself and for the courier to collect from you at a time convenient to you to minimise your inconvenience.

That is outrageous - of course she should pay in full.

Give her a timescale to do so or arrange collection and tell her you will then dump.

More like she owes you for storage!

Yes, they do exist, sadly enough.

What would I do, @wineosaurusrex No money, no stuff. Definitely do it in writing though, given that she's attempted to accuse you of stealing.

Unless you know exactly what is in the cases I would want her to arrange a courier, pay for it all and not have your name appear anywhere.
If she won’t do that pass them to the other friend when they return and be shot of the cases and the ex friend.

I’d send one last text message saying that you can only post over the amount that she pays for. Eg if she sends £60, she gets £60 of clothes back. The items can’t be that important to her if they’ve been with you for ages. If you stump up the rest then you’ll never get it back and it sounds like this friendship is on its last legs anyway 🤷‍♀️ No money = No items.

Im quite sure you never said you would pay in writing so what's she got? Nothing.

She’s not your friend. She was someone in your social circle who is an unpleasant person and thought she could bully you. Tell her she has one month to send the required amount or you will donate to a charity shop. Do not be bullied by this CF.

Why on earth would anyone offer to pay in such a situation? They obviously wouldn't, it's just not something that would happen. I can't believe she thought OP would consider this.

Dear "friend"
'Why the fuck did you ever think I would be paying to send your stuff to you?? How did you ever come to that conclusion? I should be charging YOU for storage! If you want your stuff sending you need to pay for it. If not I'll dump it at the nearest charity shop. Up to you!'
I'd send this. And I'd dump her as a friend.

Friend of mine had a similar thing happen o ly it was her son's ex girlfriends stuff. Friend kept it in the loft for several years then decided to empty the loft and had a sort out. She emailed the ex girlfriend and told her to sort something out. The ex asked her to send it on and she'd reimburse her. She's got form for owing money, so my friend told her to sort a courier out ASAP or she'd bin it all.
It was picked up by courier 2 days later.

I would tell the cheeky f’ng b’ch that she had 30 days to arrange her own collection or I’m donating all her stuff to refugees.

I would let her know any further argument or abuse off her would result in that happening pretty much immediately.

The only thing she should be letting you know next is when someone is coming to get her stuff.

She is treating you like this because she knows she won’t see you again.

Well, I think that's the end of that "friendship". Doesn't sound like any loss tbh. Are you a similar size, and do you like any of the abandoned apparel? If so, I'd be tempted to send her pics of you posing in them , just to piss her off even more. 😉 No point in the clothes lying forlorn and unworn in suitcases. 🤷‍♀️

Well that friendship is over. I think you can tell her to arrange to have her belongings collected one way or another by a certain date.