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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend wants me to pay

322 replies

wineosaurusrex · 10/10/2025 00:06

Friend moved away from our city and left a couple of suitcases of clothes at my house as she had too much to carry on the plane. It was an international move. I agreed to post later.

Now she's settled she wants me to post her the bags. I said okay and got some quotes (using contacts she sent me) to send the bags. I let her know and asked her to send the money over.

She's got extremely angry and upset claiming that I should pay. She offered me less than half of the money as that's all she has available in her bank account of the country where i live, but is not offering to wire any money over.

She's claiming i repeatedly promised i would pay (which i never, ever said - i was mortified when i found out she thought i was paying!). She has said really unkind things like "You're not keeping my stuff!" implying that i'm trying to steal it, and called me disorganized and forgetful for not having posted it (when the real reason is that I just need the money in advance!). She became very angry when i said im sorry for any misunderstanding but i would never offer to pay, and told me i was calling her a liar. I had to temporarily block her as this all happened before 7:00 a.m and I was late for work because she wouldn't stop going on at me! I suffer from anxiety and it was horrendous to wake up and have to deal with this before work. I felt shaky and unwell all morning.

For reference its over £200 to send, she offered me around £60. I am a single mum of two living and working alone abroad whereas she is single, has no kids and lives rent-free in her family home. I am shocked that she not only thought i'd pay but became so aggressive when I said i couldn't afford to!

I have said i'll send it to another friend so they can send it to her but other friend is abroad at the moment and also feels that she should send the money so i'm not sure they will actually accept the bags when they return!

What would you do?

OP posts:
HectorPlasm · 10/10/2025 10:03

Your friend is a muppet. Buy a plushie Kermit to replace her

MrsMoastyToasty · 10/10/2025 10:06

I would say

"CF, I have saved you £xx in storage unit rental costs. My home is not a storage facility and my contents insurance does not cover me for your property. Send the money today and I will ship the items to you otherwise I will donate the items to the homeless."

Jewel52 · 10/10/2025 10:07

Kimura · 10/10/2025 03:33

Incredibly you can't always do this with someone's property you've agreed to look after without jumping through some legal hoops, or you risk leaving yourself open to a civil claim!

OP - Maybe your friend has genuinely misremembered the arrangement, or maybe they're trying it on. Either way, you should send her a very short email giving her four options.

1 - You will post the items as soon as you receive the full amount you previously quoted (make sure it's tracked/signed for!)

2 - Your friend can arrange a courier to collect on a convenient day (list some)

3 - Your friend can arrange another friend to collect on a convenient day.

4 - Your friend can give you written (email/text) permission to dispose of the goods.

You must also give them a deadline to recover/abandon the goods, and clearly state that they will be sold or disposed of after that date.

There's no defined amount of time you're obliged to look after the property, but you must give the owner 'reasonable' notice to collect. If your friend is overseas, two weeks may not be enough. A month likely would be. After that you can dispose of or sell the items.

If you sell the items, you may deduct sale/storage fees, but the balance should be paid to the owner. Until the deadline passes, you are responsible for the items - if you leave them outside on your driveway for example, you would almost certainly be responsible if they were water damaged or stolen.

Show quote history

Seriously???

This is a person who won’t cough up courier fees to have her stuff back and you think she’d incur a load of legal fees taking her friend to court? She’s a bully who is probably well aware that her “friend” suffers from anxiety and may be inclined to pay up just to lose the aggro and keep the friendship.

Op you’ve had lots of brilliant suggestions on here on how to depersonalise your messages and put the responsibility back on this nasty cow to transport her stuff. But take a look at your boundaries in relationships and why she felt she could get away with treating you this way. Being too nice isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Collaborate · 10/10/2025 10:12

OP - don't give the suitcases away. that's treated as theft. Instead follow s12 of this Act https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1977/32

Landlords use this when tenants leave things behind. You serve proper notice on the friend and when she doesn't collect within a reasonable time you sell the suitcases and contents. You can recoup the costs of sale and you send her the balance. If no one wants to buy them then sell them to anyone you can think of for, say, £5 and send that to the ex-friend.

Torts (Interference with Goods) Act 1977

An Act to amend the law concerning conversion and other torts affecting goods.

https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1977/32

GiantTeddyIsTired · 10/10/2025 10:12

YANBU - and she can pay for DHL to come and get them from you wherever she is. I do this all the time for work.

Lovelamps · 10/10/2025 10:16

Id send a lovely message something along the lines of :
Sarah it seems there's been a misunderstanding about how your bags are getting to you. At no point did I agree to pay for them to be sent halfway across the world. Why would I? It's extremely expensive and your responsibility to arrange and pay for the transportation of your belongings.
If you can send the funds which will be approx £200 I will arrange for the bags to be sent. However if you do not want to do this I will pass them on to a person of your choice (with a reasonable distance), keep them here for you to collect when you are next over, or drop off at the charity shop. Please let me know which of those options you'd prefer. I am not engaging in any further conversation about it other than to pin down which of the 3 options above you are choosing. Thank you.

Calliopespa · 10/10/2025 10:22

No, that's wrong.

It's her responsibility. You've done enough to store it and offer to deliver it to whatever shipment option SHE organises.

Also the customs aspects may well require quite a bit of detailing of what is in it, declaring values etc. I would get her to organise it as you don't want to be involved in that or she'll lump the charges on you for not describing them properly.

I think dumping it at charity is a bit tough, but I'd give her the option of collecting it when she is next over or organising it herself.

BeLilacSloth · 10/10/2025 10:24

I would keep the things you want from the suitcase, bin the rest, block and move on. She is no friend to you.

Calliopespa · 10/10/2025 10:26

BeLilacSloth · 10/10/2025 10:24

I would keep the things you want from the suitcase, bin the rest, block and move on. She is no friend to you.

Just to warn you that's at least conversion, and probably theft op.

BeLilacSloth · 10/10/2025 10:28

Calliopespa · 10/10/2025 10:26

Just to warn you that's at least conversion, and probably theft op.

Show quote history

I don’t think she’ll go to prison for it🙄

GetToHeaven · 10/10/2025 10:28

YANBU. Why on earth would you pay?! You’ve already done her a favour by letting her store stuff. She’s really pushing her luck.

Calliopespa · 10/10/2025 10:30

BeLilacSloth · 10/10/2025 10:28

I don’t think she’ll go to prison for it🙄

Show quote history

She might want to make the decision on theft herself.

BeLilacSloth · 10/10/2025 10:31

Calliopespa · 10/10/2025 10:30

She might want to make the decision on theft herself.

Show quote history

Yes, that’s why i’m writing it on a thread. I haven’t got a gun to her head, forcing her in any way.

Calliopespa · 10/10/2025 10:32

BeLilacSloth · 10/10/2025 10:31

Yes, that’s why i’m writing it on a thread. I haven’t got a gun to her head, forcing her in any way.

Show quote history

Ok!

emmetgirl · 10/10/2025 10:32

Tell her to piss off.

ImSoPeopledOut · 10/10/2025 10:35

Before you do anything else, take a video of what is in the cases so when she does eventually pay to get them, like a normal person, she cant accuse you of stealing her stuff.

I know you still aren't 100% protected as she could say "she took stuff after the video" but it is better than nothing.

Northernladdette · 10/10/2025 10:36

Why would you pay? 🤷‍♀️

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 10/10/2025 10:36

Yanbu at all.

Tell her that she’s been using your house as a free storage facility for too long now and you need the space back. Make it clear you cannot afford to pay and will not pay.

Give her a deadline and say if she has not sent you the money by x date then you will have no choice but to donate the items to charity. Point out you’re still actually doing her a huge favour by a) storing stuff for her and b) putting in considerable time and effort to send it over to her.

CrayonCritic5 · 10/10/2025 10:37

Vaxtable · 10/10/2025 01:00

I would send her a text saying that you did not say you would pay and you are amazed that after your generosity in holding the stuff for her she thinks you should

she need to send you the money to return the stuff to her by xx date, Imwould give up to 6 weeks, otherwise you will have to donate the stuff as you don’t have the room to store it indefinitely and you have contacted the other friend who also can’t afford to pay for it

then I would start to back away from the ‘friend’

Second this. You can still do the right thing (even though she doesnt deserve it). Give her time to pay and options to send. This friendship should be over right now though. Once it’s done I’d block her. What a horrible person.

everyoldsock · 10/10/2025 10:38

I wouldn't get into any lengthy conversations and chunky paragraphs of text in messages to take up valuable energy and headspace - something simple along the lines of "It costs £200 to get these to you so please pay by x date or your possessions will be going to the charity shop". If she still won't cough up, get rid of her stuff on that date or very soon after, block her and move on. Whichever way you turn, this 'friendship' is over.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 10/10/2025 10:41

I'd say I'd done her a favour letting her store them for so long, you categorically never offered to pay (why on earth would you pay towards someone else's voluntary house move) and she either arranges for them to be posted within the month and stops the abuse immediately or you'll hand them into the local police as lost property

Calliopespa · 10/10/2025 10:42

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 10/10/2025 10:41

I'd say I'd done her a favour letting her store them for so long, you categorically never offered to pay (why on earth would you pay towards someone else's voluntary house move) and she either arranges for them to be posted within the month and stops the abuse immediately or you'll hand them into the local police as lost property

Handing to the local police by x date is a good idea op.

MondaysChildisFairofFace · 10/10/2025 10:43

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 10/10/2025 00:09

I'd give her a definite time frame for sending you the money and if she doesn't send it, just give the clothes to a charity shop.

This.

Send a message and make sure you keep a copy. Say you need the amount to cover the full cost to send her things to her. You won't charge for the time and effort it takes to sort it out since you are nice. Say if she doesn't forward payment you will presume she no longer wants her items and will hod until (set as date) and then donate to the local charity shop.

Don't let her con you into paying to post her things internationally.

Then when sorted block her.

MauveExpert · 10/10/2025 10:43

This is astonishing, unhinged behaviour from your “friend.”

Others have given good advice so I’ve nothing to add other than you are 100% not in any way in the wrong.

Sez1990 · 10/10/2025 10:50

everyoldsock · 10/10/2025 10:38

I wouldn't get into any lengthy conversations and chunky paragraphs of text in messages to take up valuable energy and headspace - something simple along the lines of "It costs £200 to get these to you so please pay by x date or your possessions will be going to the charity shop". If she still won't cough up, get rid of her stuff on that date or very soon after, block her and move on. Whichever way you turn, this 'friendship' is over.

Yes this ^. It sounds as though the stuff has been in your house for months OP? Either she sends the money or arranges someone else to collect the stuff or it’s going. She sounds a bit unstable if this has made her flip and she thinks you want to keep it all. She was cheeky enough to leave it with you but assuming you’d pay to send it overseas is just beyond!