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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend wants me to pay

322 replies

wineosaurusrex · 10/10/2025 00:06

Friend moved away from our city and left a couple of suitcases of clothes at my house as she had too much to carry on the plane. It was an international move. I agreed to post later.

Now she's settled she wants me to post her the bags. I said okay and got some quotes (using contacts she sent me) to send the bags. I let her know and asked her to send the money over.

She's got extremely angry and upset claiming that I should pay. She offered me less than half of the money as that's all she has available in her bank account of the country where i live, but is not offering to wire any money over.

She's claiming i repeatedly promised i would pay (which i never, ever said - i was mortified when i found out she thought i was paying!). She has said really unkind things like "You're not keeping my stuff!" implying that i'm trying to steal it, and called me disorganized and forgetful for not having posted it (when the real reason is that I just need the money in advance!). She became very angry when i said im sorry for any misunderstanding but i would never offer to pay, and told me i was calling her a liar. I had to temporarily block her as this all happened before 7:00 a.m and I was late for work because she wouldn't stop going on at me! I suffer from anxiety and it was horrendous to wake up and have to deal with this before work. I felt shaky and unwell all morning.

For reference its over £200 to send, she offered me around £60. I am a single mum of two living and working alone abroad whereas she is single, has no kids and lives rent-free in her family home. I am shocked that she not only thought i'd pay but became so aggressive when I said i couldn't afford to!

I have said i'll send it to another friend so they can send it to her but other friend is abroad at the moment and also feels that she should send the money so i'm not sure they will actually accept the bags when they return!

What would you do?

OP posts:
rwalker · 10/10/2025 08:55

Personally my gut instinct would be just dump the stuff
but she sounds a twat so no doubt you would be the villain of the piece for doing that

I would send her an email
I’m sorry you seem to be under the impression I was paying for this .it’s your stuff and why would I offer that it’s nothing to do with me .I honestly thought I was doing you a favour by storing this .
give her the following options

  1. friend collects it 2)she pays
  2. you take it to charity shop
  3. you dump it money bay be tight so I’d give her a month
Rosscameasdoody · 10/10/2025 08:56

Since she’s being so horribly unreasonable play her at her own game. Tell her that since she’s only prepared to offer £60 towards the posting of her stuff, the charge for storing her stuff with you is £140 and that as soon as she wires you the £200 you’ll send it. I’ve seen some CF stories on MN but this one takes the cake !!

CantBreathe90 · 10/10/2025 08:58

"Fair enough, if you don't want me to send them, when do you want to come and pick them up? They're taking up room in my house, so soon is better than later tbh".

PGmicstand · 10/10/2025 08:59

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 10/10/2025 00:29

Fuck that shit! Tell her she's got until 31 October to either put the full amount in your bank account or have arranged for somebody else - courier, friend, whatever - to have collected from you, otherwise the whole lot is merrily off to a charity shop.

The absolute cheeky fuckery!!!

Absolutely spot on.

If she wants her stuff, the first step towards getting it would be to be polite and apologetic. Calling OP a liar and expecting someone else to pay to send her stuff is CFery of the highest degree.

CantBreathe90 · 10/10/2025 09:03

Also, why would you be plotting to steal her 2nd-hand clothes?! 😂 Not even the most useful ones she took with her? Sounds like the sort of thing you would say to try and make someone feel dirty and ashamed, and so do what you want them to (or she really does think her cast-offs are all that).

FinallyHere · 10/10/2025 09:04

yeah, this is no good deed goes unpunished territory.

id say one more time the responsibility is hers to fund sending here things in and then not answer until she finds the money. It’s not difficult to send money from overseas nowadays.

Catquest · 10/10/2025 09:06

@wineosaurusrex
Is there any likelihood there is something dodgy in the cases?

Her behaviour is really odd, I wouldn't send them tbh
Get her to sort it

Onelifeonly · 10/10/2025 09:09

Don't rant or explain further. Simply ask for the money required (plus maybe extra for your time) and set a deadline - I'd give her up to a month, I think. If no joy dispose as you think fit. I couldn't be friends with someone like this, so you won't be losing anything worthwhile.

Catsknowbest · 10/10/2025 09:11

Tell her to get stuffed!!! Entitled doesn't even come close!

ComfortFoodCafe · 10/10/2025 09:13

Thats disgusting. I would tell her she needs to pay by x date or your taking it to the tip.

Anonentity · 10/10/2025 09:16

Tell her to cop the fuck on. and OP if I’m honest, you need to cop to too.
WHY are you even considering this crap?
WHY are you looking for quotes for her?

Tell her to organise a courier to pick them up or you’re wheeling her precious cases to the charity shop. END OF.

Bearbookagainandagain · 10/10/2025 09:19

Tell her to f*** off.

Don't dump her stuff as she could take you to court for it.
Legally, you are an involuntary bailee of the items, you need to send her notice to come get her stuff (or send you payment for postage if you're ok with that) by a given date (a month seems reasonable).

You also need to specify what will happen with the goods if she doesn't arrange collection. You can either bin them, or attempt to sell them and send HER the profits from the sale. If you decide to sell, you can retain reasonable costs (e.g. postage, packaging, fees for platform etc).

Beachtastic · 10/10/2025 09:20

I'd film myself taking the suitcases to the local charity clothes bin, opening the suitcases and dumping each item in one by one, laughing all the way, and dropping the suitcases off at the local tip. I'd then share the video with her, block her on all means of contact, and be done with it.

valentinka31 · 10/10/2025 09:21

wineosaurusrex · 10/10/2025 00:06

Friend moved away from our city and left a couple of suitcases of clothes at my house as she had too much to carry on the plane. It was an international move. I agreed to post later.

Now she's settled she wants me to post her the bags. I said okay and got some quotes (using contacts she sent me) to send the bags. I let her know and asked her to send the money over.

She's got extremely angry and upset claiming that I should pay. She offered me less than half of the money as that's all she has available in her bank account of the country where i live, but is not offering to wire any money over.

She's claiming i repeatedly promised i would pay (which i never, ever said - i was mortified when i found out she thought i was paying!). She has said really unkind things like "You're not keeping my stuff!" implying that i'm trying to steal it, and called me disorganized and forgetful for not having posted it (when the real reason is that I just need the money in advance!). She became very angry when i said im sorry for any misunderstanding but i would never offer to pay, and told me i was calling her a liar. I had to temporarily block her as this all happened before 7:00 a.m and I was late for work because she wouldn't stop going on at me! I suffer from anxiety and it was horrendous to wake up and have to deal with this before work. I felt shaky and unwell all morning.

For reference its over £200 to send, she offered me around £60. I am a single mum of two living and working alone abroad whereas she is single, has no kids and lives rent-free in her family home. I am shocked that she not only thought i'd pay but became so aggressive when I said i couldn't afford to!

I have said i'll send it to another friend so they can send it to her but other friend is abroad at the moment and also feels that she should send the money so i'm not sure they will actually accept the bags when they return!

What would you do?

I'd say:

I didn't mind keeping your bags for you, but no way can I or tbf should I have to pay to send them to you. So, we just need to get this sorted. Your bags can stay here till you get them, or you organise for someone to collect them, like another friend or a courier. Otherwise I'll just put them in the loft and they'll be here for you. If you want me to pack them up and give to a courier, please pay for it first then let me know details. You know my situation. There's no way I would pay for your bags. I'm a single mum and I have my children to look after.

Toofficeornot · 10/10/2025 09:22

Tell her to either pay the postage, find someone else to store it and collect from you or you will take it to the charity shop.
What a CF. Absolutely insane that she expects you to pay for her stuff.

TwistedWonder · 10/10/2025 09:27

DelphiniumBlue · 10/10/2025 00:17

I would text her a brief message saying that if she wants you to post her stuff she'll have to send you the money first as you don't have the funds to sub her-give your bank details for clarity and to save you having to make any further replies. You could add that given the way she has spoken to you, you don't feel inclined to do her any favours, that storing her things is a big inconvenience and you'll be disposing of it all in 7 days if you haven't received money to pay for the postage.

100% this - she’s absolutely taking the piss.

Regardless of the outcome, the friendship is over

Flakey99 · 10/10/2025 09:30

She’s no friend but a cheeky fucking piss taker!

She should be thanking you for looking after her stuff and offer you extra money to treat yourself as a ‘thank you’. That’s what a decent friend does.

I’d email her and say you’ve had enough of her nasty messages and you’re giving her a week to organise collection of her 2 suitcases otherwise you’re taking them to the local charity shop.

Then get rid of her stuff, block her and have nothing more to do with her.

Gettingbysomehow · 10/10/2025 09:30

I've heard it all now, what an absolute CF 😂That stuff would be out on my doorstep for collection before you could say CF.

WaltzingWaters · 10/10/2025 09:48

Gosh the audacity of some people astound me! Of course she’s the biggest CF and she’s being beyond ridiculous in thinking YOU should pay to send HER luggage to her! You’ve done a massive favour by storing it for her.
”Please arrange a courier to collect your luggage by October 24th. If it’s not collected by then it will all be sent to the charity shop. This is your luggage and your responsibility to pay for it to be shipped to you. If you give me any more grief on the matter, when quite frankly I’ve already done you a favour of storing it, then I will take it straight to the charity shop”.
keep any messages on the matter so you can prove that you’ve given her the option for plenty long enough to arrange her delivery.

Do not waste another second worrying about this. None of this is on you. She’s being utterly ridiculous.

Blibbleflibble · 10/10/2025 09:52

What the fuck is her logic that you should pay? She asked you to store the bags and send them, you're already doing her a massive favour. Cheeky fucking bitch. Tell her if she sends you one more angry message they'll go to the fucking charity shop never mind the post office.

Do you care if the friendship ends OP? Is she usually this much of an utter cunt?

RedToothBrush · 10/10/2025 09:55

Say you are going to add extra for storage charge due to her attitude and she can either cough up, get some else to take them or your dispose of them due to non-payment by a certain date and that the friendship is over at this point due to her attitude.

Make sure you put it in writing. She can accuse you of whatever she likes as long as your terms and deadline are fair.

Blibbleflibble · 10/10/2025 09:57

Bearbookagainandagain · 10/10/2025 09:19

Tell her to f*** off.

Don't dump her stuff as she could take you to court for it.
Legally, you are an involuntary bailee of the items, you need to send her notice to come get her stuff (or send you payment for postage if you're ok with that) by a given date (a month seems reasonable).

You also need to specify what will happen with the goods if she doesn't arrange collection. You can either bin them, or attempt to sell them and send HER the profits from the sale. If you decide to sell, you can retain reasonable costs (e.g. postage, packaging, fees for platform etc).

Edited

Actually ignore my message about immediate charity shop, this is probably the safer route. I wouldn't offer to sell her shit and send her the profits though, fuck that. Give her a reasonable timeline to sort paying for postage or courier and then dispose of it. (I'd probably charity shop it rather than dump it though)

Digdongdoo · 10/10/2025 09:58

Depending where it's going, some overseas shipping companies do cash on collection. Otherwise give her a week or 2 to send the money then down to the charity shop.

OriginalSkang · 10/10/2025 09:58

This is not a friend

Phobiaphobic · 10/10/2025 09:58

It's hard to believe someone would be this unreasonable.