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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend wants me to pay

322 replies

wineosaurusrex · 10/10/2025 00:06

Friend moved away from our city and left a couple of suitcases of clothes at my house as she had too much to carry on the plane. It was an international move. I agreed to post later.

Now she's settled she wants me to post her the bags. I said okay and got some quotes (using contacts she sent me) to send the bags. I let her know and asked her to send the money over.

She's got extremely angry and upset claiming that I should pay. She offered me less than half of the money as that's all she has available in her bank account of the country where i live, but is not offering to wire any money over.

She's claiming i repeatedly promised i would pay (which i never, ever said - i was mortified when i found out she thought i was paying!). She has said really unkind things like "You're not keeping my stuff!" implying that i'm trying to steal it, and called me disorganized and forgetful for not having posted it (when the real reason is that I just need the money in advance!). She became very angry when i said im sorry for any misunderstanding but i would never offer to pay, and told me i was calling her a liar. I had to temporarily block her as this all happened before 7:00 a.m and I was late for work because she wouldn't stop going on at me! I suffer from anxiety and it was horrendous to wake up and have to deal with this before work. I felt shaky and unwell all morning.

For reference its over £200 to send, she offered me around £60. I am a single mum of two living and working alone abroad whereas she is single, has no kids and lives rent-free in her family home. I am shocked that she not only thought i'd pay but became so aggressive when I said i couldn't afford to!

I have said i'll send it to another friend so they can send it to her but other friend is abroad at the moment and also feels that she should send the money so i'm not sure they will actually accept the bags when they return!

What would you do?

OP posts:
mistlethrush · 10/10/2025 13:48

This is not a friendship that's going to continue - so you've got nothing to lose. As she's been unreasonable already, I would ask her to do all the leg work and arrange for a courier to sort it - there's a chance that she might otherwise suggest that you've stolen something and not returned everything.

HomeTheatreSystem · 10/10/2025 13:52

valentinka31 · 10/10/2025 09:21

I'd say:

I didn't mind keeping your bags for you, but no way can I or tbf should I have to pay to send them to you. So, we just need to get this sorted. Your bags can stay here till you get them, or you organise for someone to collect them, like another friend or a courier. Otherwise I'll just put them in the loft and they'll be here for you. If you want me to pack them up and give to a courier, please pay for it first then let me know details. You know my situation. There's no way I would pay for your bags. I'm a single mum and I have my children to look after.

Show quote history

No: if they get damaged in the loft OP will be held liable by her horrible friend. She's not a storage unit: the friend should be given a reasonable amount of time to get them picked up. 14 days is plenty. After that OP can get rid of them.

AguNwaanyi · 10/10/2025 13:52

Also, she’s likely lying that she believes you said you would pay to send her things. Potentially, the plan was to leave her things at yours indefinitely knowing you wouldn’t ship them. Agree with others that you not only need to reiterate that you made no such promises and she needs to pay but to also give a deadline before you will get rid of her things.

RMAC67 · 10/10/2025 13:58

Tell her to f off, and she can personally fly back to collect her belongings from your doorstep!

Ask her what benefit would you have from shipping HER stuff?

RMAC67 · 10/10/2025 14:01

Is your friend from the same city as you? Does she have family nearby? If so, then I’d leave them off at one of her relatives, let them know the situation, and then block her.

Gasbox · 10/10/2025 14:04

Her bags would be at the local tip by now if I was you OP! Even without the expectation that you would pay for something that's clearly her responsibility anyone who spoke to me the way she has spoken to you would get absolutely no assistance from me whatsoever.

TheBerry · 10/10/2025 14:06

Wow she sounds rubbish.

Pls let us know if the other friend gives her an earful!

Whammyyammy · 10/10/2025 14:27

I'd give her 2 options;

  1. She pays upfront
  2. You drop them at a clothes bank
Calliopespa · 10/10/2025 14:27

WaltzingWaters · 10/10/2025 12:14

I wouldn’t store massive suitcases for however long it takes her to return again when she’s been such a bitch. (I may do if I had space had she not been an utter CF). Nor would I ever want to see her again when she does return!

A clear message that she has a deadline to arrange her courier and after that it will be disposed of is fine. She really doesn’t deserve any more than that after how she has behaved. But keep the message as proof that you’ve given her this warning and given her ample time (from whenever she left until 2-3 weeks time) to sort her stuff out.

Show quote history

Yes, I actually like a pp's idea of taking it to the police: lost property.

iwantavuvezela · 10/10/2025 14:49

OP not sure where you are posting to but you can send it via a crate (sea) which is substantially cheaper. (You pay form size of crate, not bag and it takes about 3 months) Not sure if you should be doing the leg work but I would get your friend to start googling some more affordable options and make sure you're paid to do it.

Clarabell77 · 10/10/2025 15:00

Does she have any family you can dump it to and then block her completely? Sounds like a crackpot!

If not it would be one final message giving her a deadline for the money to be sent to post the stuff off or it’s being taken to charity shop/dump/wherever is appropriate. Then block. If no money received by the date then follow up and move on.

mindutopia · 10/10/2025 15:01

She is absolutely bonkers. I’d tell her she needs to send someone to collect them and she has 14 days, 30 days, you choose a number of days or they are going in the bin or to a charity shop. I wouldn’t be sending them to anyone. Other friend needs to come collect unless £60 will cover the cost of shipping them to friend #2. Then block because she’s a complete nut job.

ChocolatesAndRainbows · 10/10/2025 15:02

Cheeky cow, do not pay her a penny!!!

Mumtobabyhavoc · 10/10/2025 15:04

Is there any chance OP's offer to hold the suitcases and send them when the friend was settled was interpreted as OP would pay? Is there a language barrier?

willstarttomorrow · 10/10/2025 15:16

Do not give this heads pace OP. Message her, 'why in hell would you have agreed to subsidise your move? This was definitely not agreed'. She is a chancer and I suspect the friendship is already over.

As other's have said, give her a timeline to arrange a courier and have it collected or someone who who is happy to continue storing it can come and collect it. Do not put yourself out, she is taking the piss. If you can, do this via email so you have an email chain, and also best to keep her blocked via messages. Then it is down to her, and please follow through and donate if she does not stick to thr terms. You have done her a favour. Realistically paying for extra luggage would probably have been cheaper or she could have sent it ahead via crate by sea which does not cost much in the scheme of things. I think she was expecting you would just continue to store it for her indefinitely...

Fabulously · 10/10/2025 15:25

Honestly I’d send her a cold, legally minded email with the view of ending the friendship.

Deny ever saying you would pay to ship her belongings overseas, say you are shocked at the accusation and you were merely doing her a favour as she couldn’t afford to take them when she first moved abroad. You have essentially been storing her belongings at no cost, as a favour. But now she is lying, all goodwill has ended.

Say she has 30 days to make arrangements to collect, whether she physically collects them or asks someone else. In those 30 days, you need to make sure the goods aren’t susceptible to theft and damage. Following the 30 days, I don’t believe you can immediately throw things away but seek legal advice.

Anyahyacinth · 10/10/2025 15:28

I wonder if she heard “I’ll post them/ send them” as PAY to post them? It doesn’t matter though because it’s highly unreasonable and you were very kind to give your time to send them to her. She’s awful

ccridersuz · 10/10/2025 15:30

Tell her to have family collect it and they can send it over.
Or tell her to come and collect it herself, you will put it in left luggage at the airport under her name.

TheLemonLemur · 10/10/2025 15:36

I'd be quite direct - this is your stuff I already did you a favour letting you store your belongings here for free. If you wish me to post please send the amount requested. If not let me know what you would like to do if you offer no alternative by the end of October I will take everything to the charity shop.

Namechange29383929383 · 10/10/2025 15:39

On what planet does she think her mate, who has kindly looked after her stuff, would want to pay hundreds of pounds to send it to her when she left it behind in the first place?

She either sucks it up and pays the £200, or decides she can’t justify the cost and instead bungs you 20 quid to take it to a charity shop instead as a thank you.

Therealjudgejudy · 10/10/2025 15:42

The brass necklace and entitlement of her...

MyOliveStork · 10/10/2025 15:49

Give her a deadline. Tell her that due to her attitude she can arrange a courier to collect them as you have done enough in storing them for her. Her attitude towards you sucks and you need to let her so.

ilovesushi · 10/10/2025 15:58

So cheeky and so entitled of your friend. I would clarify (again) you said you would post her stuff but never offered to pay. You are now really put out that she has dumped her belongings on you. What does she want to do? Pay for them to be shipped or should you give them to charity as you can't store them at your home.

crinkletits · 10/10/2025 16:05

FullOfLemons · 10/10/2025 00:53

I would ask her to arrange a courier to collect from either your property or the other friend

It puts the onus on the CF to arrange and pay

You have done enough.

This