Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have made my partner switch hotels in London?

902 replies

LondonWoes · 09/10/2025 15:48

My partner surprised me with a long weekend in London, for my birthday. He got us theatre tickets and told me he had sorted the hotel out.

We got on the train today and he started bragging it was £30 a night. That immediately set alarm bells ringing. We arrive and it’s a dump. It’s not even a hotel, but someone’s house with a load of converted rooms. There’s no reception, just a living room, and every door has the same key. That same key also opened the front door. We had been put in a downstairs room, with no window. It was boiling hot.

I told him I wasn’t staying in that hotel. It didn’t feel safe and the vibes were off. He has begrudgingly moved but made me pay, so now im £500 down for my birthday weekend. Was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
StaringAtTheWater · 09/10/2025 17:55

if we were younger I’d accept it, or if I knew he was on a tight budget. But he’s literally just booked a ski weekend with all his friends, so I know it’s not that!

When I read this my jaw literally dropped! Unbelievable! He clearly does not value you at all OP. This level of stingy would be an ick I couldn't come back from. Definite LTB! You deserve so much better.

Sparkletastic · 09/10/2025 17:56

Send him home. Buy the other theatre from him and get a friend to join you. He’s clearly splurged on his skiing weekend and under-budgeted for this one.

Mangoduck · 09/10/2025 17:56

Have you ever been away with him before over the last 18 months?

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 09/10/2025 17:59

LondonWoes · 09/10/2025 17:19

I do think we have different standards, but he should’ve been catering a bit more to me because it was supposed to be my trip.

I’ve got dressed up and I’m going to take myself out for dinner. No way is a £20 burger what I expect for myself. I’m half minded to tell him to be gone by the time I get back

Love this so much. What a great attitude. You enjoy your dinner out op!!!

UnemployedNotRetired · 09/10/2025 18:01

Hopefully it's Hamilton the musical and not the play from 1917.

And I hope not a spoiler, but maybe you and the boyfriend need to re-enact the Burr & Hamilton scene. (it's a duel)

ParmaVioletTea · 09/10/2025 18:02

YANBU for moving hotels. YABU for paying £500 for a weekend!

There are heaps of really nice hotels (3 and 4 star) for about half that.

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/10/2025 18:02

Oh he is THAT kind of stingy, the one who is as tight as a ducks arse when it comes to other people but will cheerfully spend a fortune on himself! They are worse imo, at least if they are equally stingy with themselves everyone is on the same level, but this kind of behaviour proves that as far as he is concerned you are far less important than him and dont deserve to have money spent on you.

I really really hope you ditch him because if you dont your future with him would be bleak. If you lived together he would pay the absolutel minimum, do the absolute minimum but expect more from you. Have kids and the childcare bill will be yours and you wont get any financial support on ML.......it will get worse and worse and worse.

WilfredsPies · 09/10/2025 18:06

I’m really not sure about this; your reaction has made me feel quite uncomfortable and pretty sorry for him. He could be completely skint. In fact, if he’s booked to go away with his mates, he probably is completely skint. I’m assuming he paid for a train into town for both of you? Then you’ve got two theatre tickets and they might be cheap ones, but you’re not getting them for under £20 each? Even at £30 a night, a long weekend is going to be another £90. And can you get a burger, chips and a drink for under £15 each from Five Guys? He’s probably already £200 in, trying to give you a lovely weekend, and you’ve just chucked it back at him and told him it’s not good enough and he should have spent more on you because you’re worth it. Well £200 is quite a lot to spend on a non significant birthday for someone you don’t even live with and I think you’re coming across a bit like a spoiled brat. I’m not surprised he’s feeling hurt.

Yes, it probably would have been better if he’d just booked a day trip with theatre and dinner in a restaurant and not tried to stretch his cash as far as he has, but unless you’re going to drip feed that he’s so tight he uses his teabags until they fall apart and rations toilet roll while he’s counting wads of fifties, it sounds like he’s spent all the cash he had trying to give you a lovely few days away and you’ve chucked it back in his face and made him feel a bit shit about it.

Queserasera10 · 09/10/2025 18:07

Wolfpa · 09/10/2025 15:52

Have you tested your key in other doors? How long were you planning on staying in the room for? Was it a good location to your activity? Who chose the £500 per night room?

The OP said she was down £500 for the long weekend, not that the new hotel was £500 per night.

To the OP: Your partner either doesn't know you or else doesn't value you. This birthday 'treat' sounds like an endurance test! Unless he's really skint - and this was genuinely the most he could afford, comfortably, he's a tight-wad! Find someone you deserve!

Letsgodancing · 09/10/2025 18:09

LondonWoes · 09/10/2025 16:18

He’s just let me know he’s ordered our dinner and is picking it up, because apparently the restaurant reservation wasn’t actually a reservation.

it’s five guys. Because I like burgers and it’s a “treat”

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry

This did make me laugh a little but i think I would cry too. £30 anywhere in the UK for a place to stay would ring alarm bells let alone in London.
It could be a combination of lack of effort, being naive to when things are too cheap there's a reason for it and a misunderstanding.
But it definitely sounds the restaurant thing was made up, it sounds like you were told you were going somewhere nice that needed to be booked and you got some fast food instead (yea five guys isn't the cheapest but no adult woman wants that for her birthday meal ).
Try and enjoy Hamilton and see if the days in London can be saved, there are plenty of decent reasonably priced restaurants in London, and one good thing about London is there is so much that can be done even if your solo so if he is been difficult just go do your own thing or take yourself out for lunch somewhere nice !
And Happy Birthday 🎈 🎂 🎈

Americano75 · 09/10/2025 18:10

Oh my God, the updates just make it even worse.

Trust me, tight men like him are the fucking worst. Especially when he's more than happy to spend plenty on himself on things like fucking SKI HOLIDAYS.

Mt563 · 09/10/2025 18:15

WilfredsPies · 09/10/2025 18:06

I’m really not sure about this; your reaction has made me feel quite uncomfortable and pretty sorry for him. He could be completely skint. In fact, if he’s booked to go away with his mates, he probably is completely skint. I’m assuming he paid for a train into town for both of you? Then you’ve got two theatre tickets and they might be cheap ones, but you’re not getting them for under £20 each? Even at £30 a night, a long weekend is going to be another £90. And can you get a burger, chips and a drink for under £15 each from Five Guys? He’s probably already £200 in, trying to give you a lovely weekend, and you’ve just chucked it back at him and told him it’s not good enough and he should have spent more on you because you’re worth it. Well £200 is quite a lot to spend on a non significant birthday for someone you don’t even live with and I think you’re coming across a bit like a spoiled brat. I’m not surprised he’s feeling hurt.

Yes, it probably would have been better if he’d just booked a day trip with theatre and dinner in a restaurant and not tried to stretch his cash as far as he has, but unless you’re going to drip feed that he’s so tight he uses his teabags until they fall apart and rations toilet roll while he’s counting wads of fifties, it sounds like he’s spent all the cash he had trying to give you a lovely few days away and you’ve chucked it back in his face and made him feel a bit shit about it.

No, I'm sorry but if you're planning a nice weekend, a £30 hotel is never going to hit the mark and it's always going to be better to make a day trip.

Either he is skint, tight or stupid. But he should've spoken to OP if he were skint and couldn't afford to do this properly. If he's tight or stupid, well at least OP knows now

Sheggsie · 09/10/2025 18:16

I’d do your own thing it doesn’t sound like you’re compatible, the Frameless Exhibition is fabulous and definitely something you can enjoy on your own and at your own pace. Highly recommend.

AgnesX · 09/10/2025 18:17

After this I'd be cutting my losses. You're on very different wavelengths. I also can't imagine anyone being so stupid to think that good accommodation in London is that cheap.

Tigerbalmshark · 09/10/2025 18:19

Mt563 · 09/10/2025 18:15

No, I'm sorry but if you're planning a nice weekend, a £30 hotel is never going to hit the mark and it's always going to be better to make a day trip.

Either he is skint, tight or stupid. But he should've spoken to OP if he were skint and couldn't afford to do this properly. If he's tight or stupid, well at least OP knows now

Show quote history

Yep, OP did not force him to take her to London for a long weekend.

If he wanted to take her away more cheaply, there are some lovely country pubs with rooms he could have booked, or hotels in scenic market towns/smaller cities. A weekend in Winchester, Harrogate or the Cotswolds would have been far cheaper and still very romantic.

Instead he picks the most expensive city in the country and tries to do it like an 18 year old Australian backpacker.

deadend · 09/10/2025 18:20

This post made me sad. It’s not just he was thick as mince thinking £30 for a room in central London was going to be anything other than a dump it’s that he couldn’t admit he’d made an error and got shitty with his behaviour because you refused to do a happy dance and smile and be ever so grateful for a night in a shit hole.

It just makes a person feel….. sort of
… unseen and like he’s sees you as less than himself and his ski trip. It feels embarrassing (it does to me when this kind of thing has happened like somehow he’s just advertised my worth and it’s really low end).

Maybe one day this will be a funny story you tell after a decade together, but I doubt it.

well done for knowing your worth and in the end giving yourself the kind of accommodation you deserve, he clearly had no intentions of sourcing something better after arriving at the windowless sauna hovel.

DiscoBob · 09/10/2025 18:21

I think you should've moved to premier inn/Travelodge type place and he should've paid, then sought a refund for the unusable room.

Was it really the only option to spend £500?

shhblackbag · 09/10/2025 18:21

LondonWoes · 09/10/2025 17:53

Maybe I’m a bit naive and the key is a non issue but I felt unsafe and i didn’t want to feel unsafe on my birthday weekend away!

You did the right thing, OP. Go to dinner, visit the gallery tomorrow and let him sulk. I'd dump him.

CactusSammy · 09/10/2025 18:22

Dont waste any more of your time on him.

Happy to pay for a skiing trip with his mates. Shitty £30 room, burger and a sulk for you. That tells you all you need to know.

Happy birthday @LondonWoes - make sure hes long gone by your next one!

Praying4Peace · 09/10/2025 18:23

LondonWoes · 09/10/2025 16:01

We’re in an ibis. Just over £150 a night because it was last minute

Show quote history

I think you are bu.
He bought you theatre tickets, as long as room was clean.
Enjoy the theatre and happy birthday

casualcrispenjoyer · 09/10/2025 18:29

ParmaVioletTea · 09/10/2025 18:02

YANBU for moving hotels. YABU for paying £500 for a weekend!

There are heaps of really nice hotels (3 and 4 star) for about half that.

How are you going to get a London hotel at same day for 3 nights for ‘half that’?

casualcrispenjoyer · 09/10/2025 18:30

DiscoBob · 09/10/2025 18:21

I think you should've moved to premier inn/Travelodge type place and he should've paid, then sought a refund for the unusable room.

Was it really the only option to spend £500?

They are in a budget ibis for 3 nights which is £150 a night.

shhblackbag · 09/10/2025 18:31

casualcrispenjoyer · 09/10/2025 18:29

How are you going to get a London hotel at same day for 3 nights for ‘half that’?

Show quote history

I'd like to know that, too.

Starlight7080 · 09/10/2025 18:31

So you go all the way to London and his plan for the evening was eat burgers in a random person's house. Thats so depressing.

So many brilliant places just to walk around that dont cost anything . Lots of places to eat .
Does sound like a huge let down .

Mt563 · 09/10/2025 18:32

Praying4Peace · 09/10/2025 18:23

I think you are bu.
He bought you theatre tickets, as long as room was clean.
Enjoy the theatre and happy birthday

Show quote history

She calls it a dump her first post, at 30 quid a night, I'm imagining it's dirty, dated, peeling paint, damaged furniture, everything done as cheaply as possible and not maintained. I've been to places like this when I was younger and more naive. It would wreck the weekend.