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AIBU?

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Original poster

Chat gbt relationship

51 replies

Violet1964 · 09/10/2025 10:08

Creeped out and upset. I went on my partners phone this morning to use the torch as my battery had run out. When I unlocked it, it was open on a chat with chat gbt!! He was having a full on deep conversation with it, talking about his deepest feelings about life and himself. Saying he hasn't shared this with anyone before. He started the conversation by saying to it "how are you"......like its an actual person?!?! At some point it said something nice to him and he thanked it for the compliment. Am I wrong to feel so weird about this? I literally feel like I've caught him having an affair. He was telling it how "beautifully" it describes things! I feel like he's going to it for validation and it's scaring me.

OP posts:
RedBullAndYop · 09/10/2025 10:57

Going against the grain here but I would also find this odd - AI has uses but it isn’t a person, it doesn’t have feelings, asking it ‘how are you’ is batshit.

MoominMai · 09/10/2025 11:00

Starlight1984 · 09/10/2025 10:31

Off topic but why does every single poster who finds something on their partner's phone claim that they needed to use it for something as their battery had died... 🙄

Lol but their ‘urgent’ need has time to wait for a deep dive into their partners chats/apps first 😅

Whichhandbag · 09/10/2025 11:00

It's GPT. And I hate how pervasive it's come. People just immediately say 'lets ask GPT'. Errr, how about you engage your brain for 5 minutes first. Early onset dementia at your finger tips.

jumpyjubba · 09/10/2025 11:01

Stop being robophobic……

tripleginandtonic · 09/10/2025 11:06

Yabu and controlling.

CompoCompoComp · 09/10/2025 11:06

Wow, what a loser! Seriously though, ChatGPT is NOT private. You might want to mention that to him in passing, and it uses the information put j to it to ‘learn’ and train its own model.

We’re banned for using it for work - been given an alternative- for this reason, it’s not secure and is using the info inputted.

I’d be seriously worried about the MH of anyone using it as a free therapist - and I would be incredibly careful as it has been known to give VERY specific self-harm advice to users. OpenAI the owners are being sued by families who have lost loved ones through suicide (allegedly) because of advise given…

Original poster
Violet1964 · 09/10/2025 11:08

Thank you!!! Yes it is

OP posts:
teees · 09/10/2025 11:13

I think chat gpt is odd and don’t quite know why anyone uses it, especially in the way you describe, but likening it to an affair is also weird.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 09/10/2025 11:15

Violet1964 · 09/10/2025 11:08

Thank you!!! Yes it is

No, it's not. Is telling everything to a psychotherapist the equivalent of having an affair?

GloryFades · 09/10/2025 11:15

Starlight1984 · 09/10/2025 10:31

Off topic but why does every single poster who finds something on their partner's phone claim that they needed to use it for something as their battery had died... 🙄

I know… me and DH use each others phones interchangeably at home, we just pick up whoever’s is closer. But if it was open on ChatGPT when I unlocked it I’d just close it and do what I was picking the phone up for. I might notice a few words of the chat, but I wouldn’t be reading back to find out how he addresses chatGPT and whether it’s been complimenting him…

SunnySideDeepDown · 09/10/2025 11:15

Sounds like he’s using it as a form of therapy. Have you asked how he’s feeling? Sounds like he’s reaching out for support, perhaps he feels uncomfortable talking to a real person about it.

YABU, I wouldn’t have a problem with it.

TheFoodLife · 09/10/2025 11:19

ChatGPT is rubbish for info, it makes stuff up, is verbose and repetitive. But for unravelling your thoughts it’s great. You can ask it to help you review your day.. it helps me, anyway, when I need to clear my head. It’s very formulaic, obviously not an actual person.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 09/10/2025 11:21

Its not an affair or anything but I wouldnt want to be with someone who used chat gpt in this way because I think its deeply problematic and that over time it will lead to bigger more fundamental relationship issues.

Gingervitis · 09/10/2025 11:30

During a recent period of stress I was annoyed that DH was being unbelievably negative about one of my aspirations, and I angrily typed that he was being a knob during a ChatGPT conversation about interviews. It reframed his terse/doom-mongering remarks as being his way of expressing fear for ME, and his anxiety that I would be hurt, upset or disappointed.

I have no idea if that's true (and neither does AI after all), but it made me look at him differently and therefore changed my reaction to it - and he responded better accordingly, so it avoided many uncomfortable or angry conversations and I felt calmer and less aggrieved. That's all a therapist would do (the problem being that it reacts to what you type in, so if you are in a mental state that means you are incapable of critical or logical thinking, it could be very dangerous - they have safeguards but they don't seem to be enough).

I get how seeing your DH talking about emotions feels like a betrayal OP, but it's not a real person. It's a place (or an empty void) to vent without risk.

You're right though, it's cheesy as fuck, it totally panders to your ego unless you tell it not to!

Starlight1984 · 09/10/2025 11:31

Violet1964 · 09/10/2025 11:08

Thank you!!! Yes it is

Who are you even responding to? Most people are saying you are / were unreasonable.

AspiringChatBot · 09/10/2025 11:57

It sounds like he's behaving with normal courtesy. There's nothing to indicate that he has sexual or romantic feelings for Chatty, let alone that there's any kind of inappropriate relationship going on.

At some point it said something nice to him and he thanked it for the compliment. Am I wrong to feel so weird about this? If you'd prefer a partner who abandons his manners just because he's talking to an AI, perhaps consider if you might be being unreasonable (and perhaps even a little bit speciesist) yourself.

CompoCompoComp · 09/10/2025 11:59

Gingervitis · 09/10/2025 11:30

During a recent period of stress I was annoyed that DH was being unbelievably negative about one of my aspirations, and I angrily typed that he was being a knob during a ChatGPT conversation about interviews. It reframed his terse/doom-mongering remarks as being his way of expressing fear for ME, and his anxiety that I would be hurt, upset or disappointed.

I have no idea if that's true (and neither does AI after all), but it made me look at him differently and therefore changed my reaction to it - and he responded better accordingly, so it avoided many uncomfortable or angry conversations and I felt calmer and less aggrieved. That's all a therapist would do (the problem being that it reacts to what you type in, so if you are in a mental state that means you are incapable of critical or logical thinking, it could be very dangerous - they have safeguards but they don't seem to be enough).

I get how seeing your DH talking about emotions feels like a betrayal OP, but it's not a real person. It's a place (or an empty void) to vent without risk.

You're right though, it's cheesy as fuck, it totally panders to your ego unless you tell it not to!

You got gaslit by AI… heard it all now!

IsItWickedNotToCare · 09/10/2025 12:18

I've found it very useful to talk to about my problems in coming to terms with a relative's terminal diagnosis. Some of my real life 'friends' have turned out to be upsettingly unsupportive and even changed the subject when I've spoken about it. So, not everyone wants to listen, but I've found chatgpt really helpful just being able to process my feelings without "bothering" anyone.

shhblackbag · 09/10/2025 12:21

DorisTheFinkasaurus · 09/10/2025 10:15

It’s a weird notion because who controls the input and the algorithm? Him! He’s talking to himself or some narcissistic fuelled ideal he’s creating. Frankenstein comes to mind. In fact I think the Frankenstein thing was mentioned in a podcast I very recently listened to.

I’ll link you to two which are worth a listen. Your concerns are valid and don’t be gaslighted by him into thinking you’re wrong.

What Was It Like is such a good podcast. https://open.spotify.com/episode/7xXJpsEBBAHYoQ5GRkiwWA?si=V7NbHJN-RP-mEcxe6iitFQ

open.spotify.com/episode/5aPN52Ew5h1jfN7vBDZUUO?si=kFDlx2iTQ_WV4QlFEtAxIg

Agree with all of this. Creeps me the hell out.

cgwdwnmi · 09/10/2025 12:26

Whichhandbag · 09/10/2025 11:00

It's GPT. And I hate how pervasive it's come. People just immediately say 'lets ask GPT'. Errr, how about you engage your brain for 5 minutes first. Early onset dementia at your finger tips.

I hate it when people on here post the OP in ChatGPT and then copy and paste the answer as a reply to the OP.
"I asked ChatGPT and it said...."

cgwdwnmi · 09/10/2025 12:28

It won't let you start talking to it about sex and you can't ask it to role-play your fantasies because it just says it isn't able to talk about sexual acts/bondage/whatever. You can't get anywhere with it. It knows when people are trying to get wank material from it.
He's not having an inappropriate relationship with it.

constantcycle · 09/10/2025 12:31

I would admittedly find this really off-putting.

I also don’t really get the comparisons to a diary. A diary provides a neutral space where you can process your own thoughts and emotions, whereas a chatbot will provide immediate responses. Chatbots are also somewhat sycophantic, so I’d be worried it’ll entrench emotional fallacies and opinions rather than actually remain neutral. I don’t think they can remain neutral, when they’re designed to keep people engaging. It’s isolating, and I fear it can make it easier to lose touch with reality for some people.

Regardless, I wouldn’t like it. I don’t think it’s comparable to an affair, but I find the idea of someone preferring to build a false emotional connection with a computer over a real connection with a human uncomfortable. It may be easier for some, but that doesn’t make it better.

No33 · 09/10/2025 12:47

It depends. There is whole subreddits/ online communities on AI relationships. People are having, or feel they're having, relationships with AI.

It is pretty easy to get around the guardrails for sexual content.

If he's just chatting about his day, I wouldn't be concerned.

HelpMeGetThrough · 09/10/2025 12:49

OP, if you catch him trying to stick his wanger in the headphone socket, that’s time to worry.

DusterVan · 09/10/2025 13:30

MemorableTrenchcoat · 09/10/2025 10:11

Don't be ridiculous, it's absolutely nothing like having an affair.

You should listen to the Flesh and Code podcast!! Man has an affair with his Iphone robot - scary.

In saying that, I use ChatGPT quite a lot. It’s basically created my business for me, I ask it to rewrite things for me (to sound better!) and I must admit I have found myself saying please and thank you before..then I remember I’m talking to a robot! It’s very personable and I can understand why someone anxious or insecure would be comforted by it. Why don’t you just ask him about it? I wouldn’t worry about the please and thank you’s more so the how are you question, almost indicates he thinks it has feelings!!