To Discuss How Not To Be A Bullying Victim

[ClockedIt]

There was another thread on a similar but not same subject this week that that mentions that this would be a good subject to explore but, to use a well worn phrase ‘would be the subject of a different thread’.

That thread had some really interesting posts about group dynamics.

I had a discussion a while ago about this with someone who had been badly bullied - didn’t fit in in school, college or work. We became friendly and had a lot of deep personal chats. I said to him “who is most likely to become a victim of bullying - is it someone with no friends?”

He said “no - not exactly someone with no friends - it’s someone who is unsure”

Even though he was bullied, he had a good perception of people and people’s motivations.

Someone else I spoke to said that people pick on differences between people but if a person with differences has a strong personality that deters bullies.

Any thoughts?

Thank you for your response, but the workplace bullying I’m experiencing is more subtle… having warm conversations with others, but very frosty with me. Sharp tone without being overtly nasty. Just very aware that something is ‘off’. I go in everyday, be myself and try not to let it irritate me, coz I wouldn’t socialise with them outside of work. Today I just feel deflated at a little bit shit about it though.

I think a lot of kids don't get enough experience of unstructured social situations outside the family and school. One of the best strategies for "bully-proofing" children imo is to give them plenty of time hanging out in playgrounds making friends and playing with whoever turns up. The children who learn early on how to say "can I play with you?" and how to make emotional connections with others have an advantage. Some children find this very difficult.

This is awful when it happens I do sympathise

I completely get what you’re saying but don’t you think there’s a difference between sticking up for yourself and then punching the other kids? What you describe seems far more appropriate?

inner confidence can be an important buffer against bullying. I was a fat kid but then lost weight to become ‘normal weight’

if I was made fun of for making a social gaff after losing weight - I didn’t care because my weight loss gave me a certain from this - I also felt as I’d been fat and ‘hiding away’ so long I was bound to make social gaffes after losing weight due to lack of social experience

Yes I agree with this

Shy more often than not goes hand in hand with lack of confidence but being quiet doesn’t necessarily.

Shy and quiet are different

you can be quiet with LOADS of inner confidence and not at all sensitive whereas shy suggests sensitivity

Unpopular post but yes in school there was a few times I was a bully. I have been both bully and bullied and I wish I hadn’t. Looking back it was coming from an abusive home with inconsistent parenting - volatile mother and weak enabling father.

I very much regret it now but I did pick on the girl who was very physically and socially awkward and as a very young kid - of around 4/5 was violent towards her but I pretty quickly thankfully grew out of it. Looking back I was a loner as a young child and had emotional problems.

The girl who I picked on somewhat always lacked confidence but by the time I was 18 I liked her and got on with her. As she got older she went from being awkward to more inner confidence and developed more self respect.

Having a crush has enabled me to gain much more self esteem - you all of a sudden have much more energy and confidence and this deters bullies

been thinking recently about something else relevant to this thread.

If an already unpopular person is perceived in a ‘social’ - (I.e could be a work situation but where there are people involved) situation to do something ‘wrong’ - they are hounded to the brink - I’ve seen this situation play out many times - for instance -

awkward lacking confidence women works in very male dominated profession known for bullying - accused of leaving nasty deposits etc in toilet and hounded for this

very quiet awkward man in work was deemed to be ‘rude’ in one occasion to a more social popular woman in work and she actually announced that from now on she was going to make his life hell

Fat, lacking confidence girl in school locked in storeroom by other pupils in the school and falsely accused by them of performing a sexual act on the boy - she didn’t - she was hounded in the school until the day she left

awkward lacking confidence woman in work falsely accused of saying she was pregnant by a work colleague - when she didn’t say that - but she was sadly hounded out of company

these are examples I can think of - so yes if a person who’s already ‘unpopular’ by virtue of being too quiet, awkward etc also does something deemed ‘wrong’ (in other people’s eyes) omg they’re seen as so fair game for bullying !