To wonder what people actually expect and why they can’t just be happy to live simply?

[Terrazzomazzo]

So many posts on here of people saying that they are running out of money and “I have no fun money” et. Why can’t people just be happy that they have enough to pay their mortgage pay their bills and feed their family and clothe their children? When did holidays , excess “stuff” and weekends of fun days out and take away etc become a given right and expectation?

Do you work for the Treasury OP?

Your toddler doesn’t need entertaining or soft play. This is why kids struggle more in school these days. Since time began toddlers have entertained themselves. Not now , apparantly they can’t survive without soft play, iPads and other expensive entertainment. I had 3 under two. A pile of play dough, saucepans and spoons, a sand pit, Duplo, a basket of books, cosy coupe in the garden,Brio on rotation was all that was needed for them to entertain themselves. Rainy days are the perfect time to jump in puddles. There is no need for soft play which is a truly vile experience for anybody doing it.

I get joy from crochet. I can't crochet fresh air so I need to buy yarn. I dislike rampant consumerism as much as the next person, but there are limits.

Are we being primed for our future lives under this social credit system whereby we just exist in small apartments we're not permitted to leave?

What a miserable existence that would be. The only thing that motivates me to work is having the fun money and experiences I can get by selling that great chunk of my life each week.
I wouldnt actually see the point in living my life if all I done was work pay bills and put food on the table. No thanks. Holidays = motivation

Because if it’s pouring down I don’t want to trudge around a park in the rain.

I work long hours, as does my DH and it nice to spend the weekends doing something with a treat.
Life shouldn’t be a drudgery - especially when you work hard otherwise what’s the point?

Also who are all these toddlers that can stay home?! We don’t do screen time so I can see how that might be a cheap option.

7am - 9am wake up, leisurely breakfast, play with toys.
9am - 11:30am - go to the park, grab a coffee, maybe the supermarket.

11:30am - 2pm home and nap
2pm - 6pm, we might play for a bit a home, or see family, but otherwise yes it’s nice to spend some money and go swimming, soft play, a little petting zoo. How else are people filling those 4 hours?!
6pm - 8pm dinner and bedtime.

A lot of it is jealously and envy and attention seeking, very sadly. It seems huge numbers of people are obsessed with what other people have and what other people do. People aren't happy just to "be what they are" and seem to have lost ability to make the best of things. I think the "sleb" culture and social media influencers have a lot to answer for!

The truth is that we can't all have the luxury "perfect" lifestyle, whether it's family, social, financial, possessions, sex-life, etc., and compromises have to be made.

Because people are working harder and for longer and have less. Life shouldn’t be about working and existing, people who work hard should be able to everything you’ve listed and still be able to have a little fun, the fact that households with 2 working parents and two children can’t afford to get to the end of the month never mind afford a caravan holiday once a year is an outrageous reflection of the state of the current cost of living. My father worked in a factory and my mother a very part time civil servant we went an aboard holiday every single year, we didn’t live extravagantly but we certainly didn’t struggle or go without, my parents were able to save each month and pay their mortgage off early and now at retirement age they are very financially secure, that’s a pipe dream for most households now. We SHOULD be concerned about that.

But the question is: What is considered to be 'surviving' now? So many posts a couple of years ago when fuel costs shot up along the lines of 'I refuse to be cold' and 'I refuse to allow my children to freeze' and posts about the heating being used overnight. As a child of the 60s, when heating was absolutely a luxury, the idea of overnight heating is a ridiculous notion to me. Yet it's seemingly a commonplace thing to do now. Is heating your home overnight 'just surviving'? Is running a massive SUV because it;'s safer than a smaller car 'just surviving'? I don't know.
People my age get ridiculed on here, but it's difficult to wrap your head around things like these being considered the absolute norm, when to my generation they are still luxuries.

This!

After feeding , heating and clothing your family
which we take for granted compared to many around the world there is contentment in paying off a mortgage instead of building debt on crap you don’t need, re using, hobbies, building a garden and home on little , enjoying the outdoors, cooking together, watching tv together, playing games, reading, walking, mindfulness …..

If we can feed, heat and clothing our families we’re pretty rich. Appreciating what you have and the simple pleasures of life instead of feeling you need expensive crap and experiences to enjoy life is the secret to true happiness.

I’m happy out for a nice walk with the dogs. I don’t do holidays or weekends away or flashy cars.
Some people get their enjoyment from those things though so each to their own.

Yup late 50s here.

No heating on as a child at night then or now. My parents had 1 clapped out car my dad fixed every weekend. We have old cars that don’t need work and we bought outright thus never having the need for a car loan. 2 cars that run well seem a luxury to me but to some we’d be seen as scrimping. We never ate out as a child only in France on holiday. Eating out now is shite. Uber expensive shitty chain restaurants so we don’t eat out except occasionally somewhere really nice and worth it. We’re probably seen as scrimping again.

We have a stove top Bialetti and good quality coffee at home that seems heaps better than most you can buy out. Seems a luxury to me buying expensive ground coffee but to many not buying crappy Costa or Starbucks is scrimping. I make better cakes than most I know with nice ingredients which I feel fortunate to be able to buy. Many would think we’re scrimping not buying cake out….

The mindset now as to what is necessary and hardship is bonkers.

I have a beautiful sofa which is sagging in one place. Supposing I asked on MN of how to repair it; I would probably have received replies of "buy a new sofa" or "why ask strangers on the internet?". Yeah, £3000 for a new sofa (and it's one with a beautiful solid frame, left behind by the house's previous owners), or £10 for some upholstery webbing. Tough decision, innit? (I'd have to replace the armchairs as well, to have a matching suite.)

I looked up how to do the repair, and how to cut the webbing, and how to seal it with a flame so it does not fray. I then was bombarded with videos selling me a gadget with a heated blade, precisely for this purpose: cuts and seals it in one stroke. Fair enough if I was doing it for a living. But why would I invest in such a device, for a one-off repair?

We are constantly being sold things that we don't really need. I was brought up to be frugal, to make do and mend, and to occasionally splash out and enjoy myself.

One reason people are bitter is because we have a wider problem that everyday things now cost so much more than they did, and many of those at the top are protected by their wealth, and know nothing about this. Billionaire Sunak insulted us with "just hang in there", and shrugged "we can't help everyone" when his mate Boris Johnson snatched away the incomes and businesses for millions of people, literally overnight.

I do think there is an element of truth to this, and I think a lot of it comes from social media. My parents didn’t struggle financially when we were growing up but we still didn’t do “something” every weekend in terms of soft plays, cinema, meals out, takeaways etc, we were always out on walks, parks, playing outside, activities in the house,
visiting family etc. Now I have my own children I do feel there is some pressure to be doing “something” every weekend, and I know we certainly eat out/get takeaways a lot more frequently than my parents ever did.

But equally, if you have two adults working full time then it’s not unreasonable to expect or hope that as a family you could afford to go out for dinner, or to a play cafe etc once in awhile without having to worry massively.

Expect?
Well, I live comfortably, but it never occurred to me that fun, content and happiness ought to be reserved just for (lucky) children. Misery, effort and lost battles for the rest of us.
Adults deserve to be happy and content too, don't you think, OP?

No because the boomers were an anomaly. They were the only generation to live like that. People don’t live like that before and won’t after because the huge amount of things they enjoyed just aren’t affordable particularly with an aging population.

I read that as a good bonk, which also works!

When did holidays , excess “stuff” and weekends of fun days out and take away etc become a given right and expectation?

I thought holidays took off in the 60s but people had trips to UK seaside before that.

Days out have also been a thing for years.

Fish & chips took off in the early 1900s

Why can’t people just be happy that they have enough to pay their mortgage pay their bills and feed their family and clothe their children?

Despite working & paying tax many people can't afford a mortgage or dc.

Because what a pp described upthread as a miserable existence is pretty much the way life was up until about 25 years ago.

@Katypp ?

You’re responsible for your own happiness and contentment on what you can afford. If you think you need money and it’s the responsibility of others to bring happiness and contentment you’ll never be happy. The majority around the world look at us and think we’re incredibly fortunate.We are safe with free healthcare and education, social security, state pensions and water. It’s perfectly be possible to build happiness and contentment for the majority on top of that.

Are you aware that a large amount of our society is deliberately set up to increase demand for luxuries, because if everyone stayed at home with a library book then our economy would shrink, and the government doesn't actually want that (because businesses make jobs and businesses and employees make tax payments)?

I just live shut in a cupboard after I have paid the bills. I don't even bring a torch in because that's a bit frivolous.

Or just buy the candle.

Because the majority of people aspire to more than having their basic needs met.

Unless you share the philosophical beliefs of Savonarola, there’s nothing actually wrong with wanting things.

Or if they want the candle warmer they can buy the candle warmer. Some people dont like sprays especially if asthmatic. I don't like naked flames in the house with pets , some don't want naked flames around small children. The candle warmer would mean warm wax might end up everywhere but preferable to fire risk
The joys of choices