Very religious colleague

[ThatLadyLady]

I have a new colleague who is young, and very very religious. He isn’t quiet about his beliefs and in some ways I think that’s great, because he feels comfortable enough to be that way.

But in others it’s becoming quite uncomfortable. He will regularly ask people in the office what their opinion is on things like evolution, abortion and gay marriage. If they express a “non-Christian” belief he will laugh, tell them they’re wrong and explain what the bible says about these things. He won’t drop the subject even if people are visibly uncomfortable.

We listen to music in the office and he will object to almost anything that isn’t worship music. Someone played Sam Fender the other day (the consensus amongst the office was that it was a good playlist and we all enjoyed it), he asked for it to be changed because he doesn’t align with “Christian values”. So they switched on a different playlist, the first song was an Olivia Dean song and he started ranting about how she promotes sexual activity outside of marriage and that it’s wrong, women should be waiting until marriage etc.

He also expresses pretty strong views about women dating and it not being for marriage, that it’s “great” he has so many young female colleagues but he thinks we should be looking for marriage and to be a homemaker, etc etc.

I obviously don’t dispute his right to have these views, even if I disagree with them it’s his right. But would I be unreasonable to mention it to my manager quietly because his constant expression of these feelings is becoming quite uncomfortable?

Regarding the music, you can easily avoid this type of problem by playing instrumental music, then no one can object to the lyrics because there aren't any.

Just ignore him, surely. If he was one person who didn’t like Sam Fender out of 40 people, you’d just say, ‘Oh, well, majority rules, Nigel’. The fact that he has ideological reasons doesn’t negate that.

It would be sensible to talk with manager/HR. This is intolerable in the workplace.

Speak to your manager and also mention that you are concerned that productivity and output will be compromised because staff aren’t able to concentrate on what they’re supposed to be doing at work because of this constant interruption.

This must be unbearable. Why haven't you all shut him down before now?

If nobody in the office has the gumption to tell him , then his line manager/HR dept need to be informed and they must deal firmly with him.

Personally, I don't recognise this particular American-influenced flavour of Christianity (a la Charlie Kirk), AS Christianity. It is completely unlike how Jesus behaved. Unfortunately it seems to be getting popular, but nothing like it is in the US of course. It's a twisted version imo.

I find it hard to believe that you all have put up with this for so long. Majority wins re. the music. Tell him you don't want to talk about these topics. Stop letting this man dominating. How can 39 people all be so lacking in backbone..?? You think it might make things uncomfortable? It is uncomfortable already.

We had one like that. We also had gay colleagues, in the room when he started spouting off about that being against the Bible. It was uncomfortable at times. He was equally combative about those of us who are Christians but not as rigidly simplistic evangelical as himself. Management did try to get him to shut up but it's a losing battle...

Luckily he was not young, and has now retired.

Your guy's line manager needs to tell him how to treat colleagues with respect.

Ask him why he's talking and not doing his work?

Isn't your manager aware of this and doing something about it? If not, he or she is seriously incompetent.

Johnny, we respect your beliefs and your religion, however, none of their things you dislike are unlawful. We don't wish to criticise how you live your life so please stop criticising how we live ours. We're a good team so let's try and keep our chat to the weather, Jo's mum's bunions and what timem we're off to lunch. On rinse and repeat.

if I were the manager, I'd also take the radio away

Totally unacceptable in the workplace- I’m surprised no one is pushing back. He can’t go round being homophobic and misogynistic and using the Bible as an excuse.

It's not acceptable. Tell them to keep their "values" at home.

That kind of aggressive pushing of his own beliefs is entirely inappropriate at work, or anywhere else people can't avoid him.

Also, I'm pretty religious myself, go to church, very familiar with the Bible, and it says little or nothing about homosexuality except in the context of foreign religious rites, nothing about abortion, and nothing about evolution, so he's being idiotic. In a very American evangelical way.

I worry enough about the things the Bible really does criticise: gossiping, ripping people off, not honouring God and loving my neighbour.

Nope, fuck that. I was open about my religious beliefs at work (wouldn't work Sundays because of going to church) but only if people asked questions. I'm also not a very good example of my church, so there's that. 😅 I'm a metalhead as well, so I'd be turning on my music and letting him complain.

We had a colleague exactly like that who was actually fired for it. So definitely something to talk to HR about.

He was also very Christian, soft spoken and otherwise quite pleasant...didn't bang on about religion on an everyday basis like your colleague. However one Friday he mentioned that there was a church event going on that weekend and invited colleagues to come. He got sacked the next week.

So the impregnation of an underage 'virgin', doesn't trouble him, but songs about sex do?

Me too. I'd be putting AC/DC on the playlist and wearing upside down crosses and rainbows!

His behaviour is not acceptable ans should be reported to HR (if you have an HR person / department)

Amongst 39 of you, there must be some who are gay, or have had abortions - or they will have close relatives who fit into those categories. There may also be people who have had ectopic pregnancies that had to be ended, and he probably disapproves of that too. He must be well aware of that and he must know he is hurting them, yet he continues. That alone is good reason to take this to HR.

It's funny how there was a thread last week about someone asking AIBU to send a child to religious school when they themselves are not religious. FWIW, religious schools produce people exactly like this. Their beliefs become so normalised at home and at school that they have absolutely not idea how weird they come across in society. To them, the entire world is their enemy and the only goal is to convert non believers into thinking the same way they do, not realising they were effectively brainwashed from birth by their family and the school they chose to send them to.

Some of his beliefs were normal.

Maybe you and your colleagues all agree not to answer when he asks you what you think about controversial topics? Just something like "Oh, I don't think the workplace is the place for those sorts of discussions". He can't argue with your views if he doesn't know them.

Look OP we have something called the Equality act. He is expressing discriminating opinions about women based on our sex for example so you should definitely go to HR.

Or if you feel brave tell him he is only one of several protected characteristics (religion) but it does not give him the right to discriminate against you for yours (sex)

It’s uncomfortable already you bunch of wet lettuces. Just tell him to wind his neck in or go to HR/manager. It is that simple.

Why not put on some WAP by Cardi B, just to stir the cauldron?

I went to a very religious school my primary school was a convent and several teachers were nuns ,I'm agnostic at best and very tolerant of others and their beliefs I doubt many of my old school friends still attend church .