To not want to give up my double bed for my parents?

[heygle]

I am renting a two bed holiday cottage on my own for a week. I had invited my parents (in their early 60s) on a trip overseas but they said they didn't fancy it/ I should ask my friends instead. Alright whatever, so I changed my plans and found a holiday cottage. They have since booked their own trip abroad.

It has one double room and one single room. I am solo. My parents have got wind of this and have asked if they might drive by and stay for a night or two mid way through my stay?

This would mean I would have to give up my double bed for a couple of nights and move into the single. I am paying for the holiday cottage. AIBU to say no? I don't want to give up my double bed when they aren't contributing and made it clear they didn't want to do something with me where they would have to contribute.

I don’t get this at all.

Presumably you like your parents enough that you were wanting to go abroad with them. For whatever reason, a holiday abroad at that time didn’t work for them.

But now there’s an opportunity for you to have some holiday time with your parents after all, and you don’t want it just because you don’t want to sleep in a single bed for a night or two?

If it was going to impinge on your plans, fair enough. Or if you want them to chip in for the costs, fair enough.

But over the sleeping arrangements…no that just seems petty.

Agree, especially when they told op they didn't want to holiday abroad, then booked their own one!had invited my parents (in their early 60s) on a trip overseas but they said they didn't fancy it/ I should ask my friends instead. Alright whatever, so I changed my plans and found a holiday cottage. They have since booked their own trip abroad.

Why should OP though? They’re gate crashing her holiday because they can stay for free. They didn’t want to go jointly overseas with OP and did their own thing abroad instead hence OP I imagine not wanting to go there alone instead booked somewhere for herself in this country. It’s not disrespectful to want to do your own thing (as they chose to do without OP). 🤷🏻‍♀️

@heygle YANBU and I hope you stick to your guns.

We don't know why they didn't want to go on the abroad holiday OP suggested - maybe they didn't like the destination suggested, maybe it was an inconvenient time for them to be away for a full week, maybe they thought that the three of them wouldn't get on well for a week together.

So it doesn't follow that they're flip-flopping by now being interested in having a night or two with OP in the UK. Because a night or two in the UK is a totally different proposition!

I’d offer my bed without hesitation because I’d want to see them and I’d want them to be comfortable. I’d be happy to see them during my holiday.

I’m guessing you’re not bothered about seeing them or there is some back story about how they’ve not treated you well?

Because I would do small favours like giving up my bed temporarily to sleep in another appropriately sized bed for my parents regardless of whether they organised and plan optimally, as the respect trumps the small inconvenience. They are my parents. They have my respect.

It is such a small inconvenience to pay into he wider relationship. It's not a tit for tat.

Well, that's you. These sanctimonious posts are getting very boring. I'm astonished by all this 'respect your elders' bs. I don't respect CFs regardless of age.

Do you want them to come and stay? No? Then tell them. Yes? Then you sleep in the single bed.

Again there are 2 bedrooms one with a single bed and one with a double bed, but you will bring an air bed to put in the living room?

As I said in my earlier post if she has a good relationship with her parents there is absolutely nothing wrong with her sleeping on a single bed for 1 night but obviously she is more upset that she paid for her vacation so she should tell them no and move on.

Huh? Not at all, and no need to be so prickly. Solo trips are great, but OP originally invited her parents on holiday, presumably because she - at least at the time - fancied going on holiday with them instead of on her own. So I can imagine how they might feel it would be a good compromise to suggest joining her for just a couple of days instead of a whole trip. Again - shouldn’t be a big deal to politely decline though?

If they are otherwise decent parents why are you being so mean! Just tell them don’t bother.

As you booked the cottage for one, can you even have two more people stay overnight

Eh? Would you not want the bedding changed if your parents slept in the bed? So the choice is either sleep in the single bed for the week (stupid if you've paid for a holiday cottage) for the sake of potentially ONE night for your parents, or they can just sleep in single beds. I don't see the issue here.

Absolutely this. Some of the responses on this thread are so selfish and transactional. It’s probably the kids that were kicked out at 18 as they are “adults” or charged rent by their parents.

@heygle

Tell your parents they can top and tail in the single bed.

I understood there was just one single bed, not two single beds. And the question didn't seem to be 'do I let them have the double?' but 'do I let them stay at all?'

Personally I don't get the hang-up about sleeping in a bed that someone else has slept in for one night (I'd just air the bed and turn over the pillows) but if that's an issue for OP then just ask the parents to bring some bedding to switch. It's a five minute task.

I'm starting to wonder if I'm just a massive people pleaser as I would do that without thinking about it...though I might ask if they could bring their own duvet or bedset with them if they are driving.

i would be honest with them- they can decide to come or not-as they wish.

Tell them not to come then say your having a sleep over with loads of people coming

do you like your parents? Who thinks so selfishly like this tit for tat? So what if you paid?

And how much do you think they paid to bring up OP?

Honestly shocked at how selfish and mean spirited some people are towards their own family.

It depends if you want them to visit. If you are happy on your own, either say so, or lie and say you have other friends who may be visiting.

If you’d like to see them, give them the double bed.

The OP posted in October so trip may have taken place by now.
I would let them stay but ask that they bring their own bedding and ask them to do both changes - I may take the double bedding off before they arrive so they aren’t tempted not to bother.