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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to give up my double bed for my parents?

123 replies

heygle · 07/10/2025 22:02

I am renting a two bed holiday cottage on my own for a week. I had invited my parents (in their early 60s) on a trip overseas but they said they didn't fancy it/ I should ask my friends instead. Alright whatever, so I changed my plans and found a holiday cottage. They have since booked their own trip abroad.

It has one double room and one single room. I am solo. My parents have got wind of this and have asked if they might drive by and stay for a night or two mid way through my stay?

This would mean I would have to give up my double bed for a couple of nights and move into the single. I am paying for the holiday cottage. AIBU to say no? I don't want to give up my double bed when they aren't contributing and made it clear they didn't want to do something with me where they would have to contribute.

OP posts:
Bloozie · 07/10/2025 23:27

YABU for not giving up your bed for your parents.

YWNBU for asking them not to gatecrash your holiday. I would not be pleased.

Funnywonder · 07/10/2025 23:27

Oh ffs, if your parents come to stay, you’ll have to slum it in the single. If staying in the double is a deal breaker then you clearly care more about where you sleep than you do about your parents and you don’t want them to gate crash your holiday. Which is fair enough. But then just admit that you don’t want them there instead of using the bed situation as a pretty transparent excuse.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 07/10/2025 23:28

The attitudes some people have towards their parents are genuinely shocking to me. The fact that you’re even asking this question is mad, from my perspective.

Give your parents the bed. My God!

Bellavida99 · 07/10/2025 23:29

I might begrudgingly give up my bed for them for one night but I just couldn’t sleep in it after they’d been in it. Not sure why but it would turn my stomach. So unless you have a washer and dryer it would be a no from me

caringcarer · 07/10/2025 23:29

My parents are both dead but I'd have given up my double bed for them for a couple of days. I'd have been glad to have spent time with them. If you don't feel that way, just say no.

jonthebatiste · 07/10/2025 23:47

My primary thought is that I don’t want to be changing the sheets mid-way through my holiday, and certainly not washing them. If they brought their own sheets and changed/made the bed, then I would do it - I’d feel like I’d got full value for money!

ETA this is on the assumption that the bedrooms are equally nice!

Hillarious · 08/10/2025 00:10

AhBiscuits · 07/10/2025 22:14

I would give up my bed for parents without a moment's hesitation, but that's because I love and respect them.
I guess the alternative is they don't come? Do you want to see them?

It’s all about your relationship with your parents. I’m with @AhBiscuits on this.

Am currently lying in my mum’s double bed with DH is asleep beside me. Mum is sleeping in her spare single bed whilst we visit. Love and respect is mutual.

BauhausOfEliott · 08/10/2025 00:21

This all sounds quite bitter and petty to me.

You seem to be very annoyed and passive aggressive about the fact that they didn’t want to go on a whole week’s holiday abroad with you, and you now seem to be punishing them for that by begrudging them one night with you in your holiday cottage because they’re not paying for it.

It sounds to me like you have a difficult and odd relationship with your parents.

They didn’t owe you a holiday abroad - it’s perfectly reasonable that they preferred to go away with friends, which is a very different vibe to holidaying with an adult daughter. They’re now offering to come and see you at your holiday cottage for a night or two and you’re really annoyed about that - so presumably you don’t really like spending time with them, and only wanted the trip abroad with them because their contribution would have made it affordable.

It all sounds quite unhealthy to me.

carpool · 08/10/2025 00:24

Have often stayed in self catering accommodation on holidays in UK. We have always been asked on booking how many people are staying, how many kids etc. Sometimes they ask names and ages of intended guests. I really don't think you are supposed to have extra random people staying for part of the week without letting them know. If you need to amend the booking information there may be an extra admin fee too.

BauhausOfEliott · 08/10/2025 00:26

Hillarious · 08/10/2025 00:10

It’s all about your relationship with your parents. I’m with @AhBiscuits on this.

Am currently lying in my mum’s double bed with DH is asleep beside me. Mum is sleeping in her spare single bed whilst we visit. Love and respect is mutual.

Show quote history

Yup, my mum always gives us her double bed when DP and I visit her. And I used to give up my double when my mum and dad came to stay with me when I was single.

It also wouldn’t occur to me to be annoyed that my parents didn’t want a week abroad with me, though, because we’re all grown adults and are capable of doing things independently. So yeah, I think this is about the OP’s relationship with her parents and not the double bed.

confusedlady10 · 08/10/2025 00:32

Funnywonder · 07/10/2025 23:27

Oh ffs, if your parents come to stay, you’ll have to slum it in the single. If staying in the double is a deal breaker then you clearly care more about where you sleep than you do about your parents and you don’t want them to gate crash your holiday. Which is fair enough. But then just admit that you don’t want them there instead of using the bed situation as a pretty transparent excuse.

Not really, sounds like OP wanted a proper holiday with her family that was planned to where they could plan proper sleeping arrangements. Not one where they've decided to gate-crash last minute after telling her to book her own holiday that she's fully paying for.

BarbarasRhabarberba · 08/10/2025 00:32

I wouldn’t give up my bed for my parents in a million years but I also wouldn’t want them to visit me at my holiday cottage. When my mum comes to dog sit for me she sleeps on the sofa (if I didn’t have a dog, she wouldn’t be invited to visit if I’m being honest). I think PP are correct this is about the relationship you have with them.

Umy15r03lcha1 · 08/10/2025 00:33

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 07/10/2025 22:13

“No sorry, there’s no room. I didn’t book extra space as you said you weren’t coming.”

Here is your response.

SpryUmberZebra · 08/10/2025 00:35

AhBiscuits · 07/10/2025 22:14

I would give up my bed for parents without a moment's hesitation, but that's because I love and respect them.
I guess the alternative is they don't come? Do you want to see them?

I’m reading some of the comments to here and it’s no surprise why we are fast becoming a selfish individualistic society.

i can understand if her parents have form for pushing boundaries or are toxic parents etc but I find it very strange the transactional rigid responses here. Why should you give it up when you paid etc.

It’s all me me me nowadays. Same as you I see no problem giving up the bed for 1 night to spend time with them. As I said if they have form for being difficult mean or abusive parents then that’s different and I would probably be NC or LC but if she has a good healthy relationship with her parents I don’t see why @heygle has to take such a rigid approach but it’s her call. Tell them no and enjoy your vacation I guess.

mathanxiety · 08/10/2025 01:17

It would depend on how likely it would be that one or two nights might actually mean five or six nights.

Pallisers · 08/10/2025 02:07

I’m reading some of the comments to here and it’s no surprise why we are fast becoming a selfish individualistic society.

tbh the parents sound like the selfish individualistic ones here:

No don't want to go on hols with you - will go by ourselves. But we could drop in on you on your individual holiday because that would be nice for us and you can move out of your room for us because... us.

Letsskidaddle · 08/10/2025 02:13

@heygle- I amazed at the people saying they would! No, no, no and no again.

It’s not selfish - they’ve done their choice of holiday and you are now doing yours.

I love my parents but really get annoyed with holiday gatecrashers!

Would they have given up their bed abroad for you? Thought not!!

Enjoy your solo holiday.

NorthernLass2025 · 08/10/2025 02:17

I have done this a few times because I love my parents and it isn't a hardship after all they do for me now or growing up to give them the best room. They paid for plenty of holidays when young and still do once a year and when they join me for a coup of nights I'm more than happy to have paid for it plus they spoil me when they come to haha

Letsskidaddle · 08/10/2025 02:21

I’d feel really grossed out if I had to sleep in a bed that my mum and dad had spent a night in, sweating and farting into the bed sheets and making the pillows all stinky. One night, five nights - it’s still second hand (sweat) bedding.

Urghhhh.

thepariscrimefiles · 08/10/2025 06:42

No, you are not being unreasonable. They had the opportunity to come on holiday with you and you would have booked suitable accommodation for all of you, but they said no. Just tell them that you don't have room for them to stay as you booked accommodation based on you being on your own.

Whaleandsnail6 · 08/10/2025 07:20

Depends if you want their company for a couple of days or not

I'd do it as I'd want them there, I'm already paying for the cottage so it doesn't make a difference to price and it makes sense for me, as a single person to take the single bed if there is a couple staying a night or two

If you aren't bothered about them coming, tell them there isn't space as you don't want to switch beds and you'll see them when you get back

chunkybear · 08/10/2025 08:03

What about if you change your booking to two double bedrooms and get them to pay for the difference?

CoralOP · 08/10/2025 08:04

It really depends if you like them and want them to come?

I certainly wouldn't want mine to come on a solo cottage trip. It's clear to see which posters have good relationships with their parents and which don't, for the ones horrified you dont want to give up the bed, you obviously have a good relationship with your parents, many many don't.

nowinetimeforme · 08/10/2025 08:10

As you’ve seen, you’re going to get wildly different views here which will reflect how relaxed / flexible people are but mainly, how they feel their parents. If it were me (well if it were me this wouldn’t be an issue because my dad is dead, but assuming he were alive) I’d be thinking ‘great, that’d be nice to see them for a couple of days’ the bed thing wouldn’t even cross my mind. It sounds like either you are inflexible / easily rubbed up the wrong way or your parents are dicks. Hard to tell which from your post.

Tigerthatcametobrunch · 08/10/2025 08:14

They weren't bothered about keeping OP company when it was a holiday abroad. As soon as it's UK and they've seen where she's staying they've thought they fancy a free few nights away and will happily kick her out of the room she's booked to get a free holiday.

This isn't about them being worried about her being lonely