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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to give up my double bed for my parents?

123 replies

heygle · 07/10/2025 22:02

I am renting a two bed holiday cottage on my own for a week. I had invited my parents (in their early 60s) on a trip overseas but they said they didn't fancy it/ I should ask my friends instead. Alright whatever, so I changed my plans and found a holiday cottage. They have since booked their own trip abroad.

It has one double room and one single room. I am solo. My parents have got wind of this and have asked if they might drive by and stay for a night or two mid way through my stay?

This would mean I would have to give up my double bed for a couple of nights and move into the single. I am paying for the holiday cottage. AIBU to say no? I don't want to give up my double bed when they aren't contributing and made it clear they didn't want to do something with me where they would have to contribute.

OP posts:
LadyBrendaLast · 08/10/2025 08:21

Out of respect for my parents, I would yes.

But I'd be somewhat cheesed off.

PrissyGalore · 08/10/2025 08:21

AhBiscuits · 07/10/2025 22:14

I would give up my bed for parents without a moment's hesitation, but that's because I love and respect them.
I guess the alternative is they don't come? Do you want to see them?

But I wouldn’t expect my dc to move out of their bed if I wanted to crash their cottage for the night-we’d bring an airbed or find a local hotel. Because I love and respect my dc..

FKAT · 08/10/2025 08:22

To provide some balance, my dad is dead and I wouldn't have given up my bed for him under any circumstances.

Clearly the OP has some conflict with her parents where they are imposing themselves on her on their terms after refusing to go on holiday with her in the first place and she's had to sort out something for herself. It's not the same circumstances as 'but I would always give up my four poster for mama and papa and sleep in the gutter if required'.

SpryUmberZebra · 08/10/2025 08:24

PrissyGalore · 08/10/2025 08:21

But I wouldn’t expect my dc to move out of their bed if I wanted to crash their cottage for the night-we’d bring an airbed or find a local hotel. Because I love and respect my dc..

Show quote history

There are 2 rooms why will you bring an air bed??? The option is she uses a single bed for a night or 2 not that she should sleep on end floor with no bed.

Owly11 · 08/10/2025 08:28

Your family sounds very fraught and enmeshed. It’s not clear from your op what the context is for holidays and why you invited your parents for an overseas trip. Do you normally holiday with your parents? Why did you decide to holiday in the UK in the end rather than go on your overseas trip? How did your parents find out about your holiday? Do you normally holiday alone? Do you have any friends to holiday with? So many questions! It sounds like you don’t want your parents to pop in so it’s not really about the bed - if you did, you would be happy to change bed for a night or two. Since you don’t want them to come just say no. You will know the best way to say no to your parents.

Sidebeforeself · 08/10/2025 08:32

GameWheelsAlarm · 07/10/2025 23:15

It's not big enough, no. If op was happy with a single bed in a box room she could have booked a spot in a youth hostel for a 6th of the price. She booked the space she wanted for a solo holiday and there happens to be one spare single bed that she has no use for. Her bed for the holiday is the nice double bed that she chose to be her home-from-home for that week. The spare bed is the single bed that won't fit her parents, who have not been invited to gatecrash this holiday.

We are a family of 3 and I always book holiday homes that say they sleep 5-6 because holiday cottage owners always claim a much higher capacity than are actually comfortable there. A cottage that claims to sleep 5 is generally the perfect size to actually sleep 3 and would be cramped and uncomfortable with 5. We did, once, make the mistake of believing an advertised "sleeps 3" property and there wasn't room to fit all 3 of us on upholstered chairs in the living area, and there wasn't enough space on the table to fit 3 settings of cutlery, glassware and dinner plates, nor was there space to swing a kitten in the single bedroom that was barely a few inches bigger than a single bed. The small bedroom in OP's cottage is probably only suitable for a child up to age 6, not a full grown adult.

Frankly I can't believe the cheek of OP's parents to want to steal her comfort and rest for a third of her week's holiday, uninvited, and banish her to a box room while they take the comfortable room.

Show quote history

Steal her comfort and banish her to a box room?! Where have you got that from? They’ve just ask if they can visit for a bit that’s all. OP doesn’t want to give up her bed so she should just explain that. Nobody is bringing banished anywhere.

However OP , unless there’s a back story here, I do think you are being unreasonable. They are your parents, they’ve changed their minds and want to see you. It’s nice.

indoorplantqueen · 08/10/2025 08:39

I couldn’t imagine not giving up my double bed for my parents when there’s 2 of them and 1 of me. Do you not like them or want to see them?

IsItTheBlackOneOrTheRedOne · 08/10/2025 08:52

It depends on whether there’s a possibility that this could be something you might regret down the track. I have a horrible regret regarding my DM that I can never take back. It’s not a big thing, just a small unthinking moment but it haunts me.

IsItTheBlackOneOrTheRedOne · 08/10/2025 08:57

Letsskidaddle · 08/10/2025 02:21

I’d feel really grossed out if I had to sleep in a bed that my mum and dad had spent a night in, sweating and farting into the bed sheets and making the pillows all stinky. One night, five nights - it’s still second hand (sweat) bedding.

Urghhhh.

So pack a change of sheets? Swap the pillows from the single bed after they’re gone? Not that hard to figure out, really.

Fifi2022 · 08/10/2025 08:57

Wow! How bloody selfish. I wonder how many things your parents gave up while raising you? I am from an Eastern culture and often I am flabbergasted by some western lack of love/duty/appreciation of parents. No wonder your old people's home are full with children who barely visit.
Thank god I dont have a child like you. I would be ashamed.

Deadringer · 08/10/2025 09:04

If you want them to stay for a night give them the double bed. If you don't, tell them no, you booked a smaller place because you expected to be on your own. It couldn't be simpler really.

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 08/10/2025 09:14

Pinkissmart · 07/10/2025 22:11

Why on earth wouldn’t you give up your bed? You’d be colossally selfish not to. Would it really be so bad to sleep in a single bed ?

This. Honestly some of the stuff I read on here astounds me. I thought you were going to say that you would have to sleep on the sofa, in which case you would have absolutely been within your rights to say no. But there is a perfectly adequate bed which you could sleep in.

Yes you have paid for it, but it would be very selfish and cold to say no to your parents.

Dorosomethingbeautiful · 08/10/2025 10:54

I don’t understand people on Mumsnet. Why wouldn’t you give up your bed up for your parents? What is the big deal about sleeping on a single bed?

Dorosomethingbeautiful · 08/10/2025 11:02

@Letsskidaddleyou are so ridiculous. Sheets can easily be changed

Puzzledtoday · 08/10/2025 11:06

Do you want to have a holiday with them or not? If so they have a suggested a way to make it possible. There will have been string about your suggestions that didnt suit them and this is a compromise. Of course you will give them the bed if they come.

meganorks · 08/10/2025 11:11

Well it's up to you isn't it? If you want them to come then, yes, you give up the bed. If you don't, then say no. Sounds like you think they only want to come to get something for nothing and are maybe upset they didn't want to go on holiday with you in the first place (particularly now they've booked their own).

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 08/10/2025 11:13

Do you actually want to see them?

UrbanFan · 08/10/2025 11:13

If it was me I'd give up the comfy bed to them without a moments thought. It would never cross my mind to put my own selfish comfort ahead them.

Zippidydoodah · 08/10/2025 11:16

Pinkissmart · 07/10/2025 22:11

Why on earth wouldn’t you give up your bed? You’d be colossally selfish not to. Would it really be so bad to sleep in a single bed ?

I’m absolutely amazed they this hasn’t been the stock response, and that more people have voted that op is not being unreasonable!

They’re your PARENTS, ffs. If you want them to stay for a night (and you did invite them to your abroad holiday initially), then of course they have the double bed. Do you expect them to share the single? 🤔

unless you’re saying you don’t want them to stay?

thisishowloween · 08/10/2025 11:20

verybighouseinthecountry · 07/10/2025 22:22

I would definitely give up my double for my parents, wouldn't have to think twice about it.

Even though you hadn’t invited them and they weren’t contributing to the cost in any way?

thisishowloween · 08/10/2025 11:22

Zippidydoodah · 08/10/2025 11:16

I’m absolutely amazed they this hasn’t been the stock response, and that more people have voted that op is not being unreasonable!

They’re your PARENTS, ffs. If you want them to stay for a night (and you did invite them to your abroad holiday initially), then of course they have the double bed. Do you expect them to share the single? 🤔

unless you’re saying you don’t want them to stay?

Show quote history

But that’s the point - they had the chance to join her and have their own bed/room and turned it down.

Now they want to disrupt OP’s plans, kick her out of the bed she’s staying in and not contribute financially to their trip.

They may be her parents but they sound like right cheeky fuckers.

Charminggoldfinch · 08/10/2025 11:35

It’s your holiday OP which you have paid for and organised. You should get to keep the accommodation you have chosen and paid for yourself. If you choose to allow your parents to join you then it should not change your plans or the level of accommodation you have chosen for yourself.
if I have a spare room at a holiday cottage that I’m renting then I might invite friends/ family to join me for part of it but I make it clear that whilst I would be happy to see them I have booked the trip with certain plans in mind and I won’t be changing that. It’s not a joint trip - if it was then all parties would have agreed to accomodation, organised it and paid for it.

PrissyGalore · 08/10/2025 12:00

SpryUmberZebra · 08/10/2025 08:24

There are 2 rooms why will you bring an air bed??? The option is she uses a single bed for a night or 2 not that she should sleep on end floor with no bed.

Show quote history

Because there are two of us? I wouldn’t expect her to be put out because I’d now changed my mind after having refused an earlier holiday where we could all get what we want. So I’d bring an air bed for both of us. Tbh, this wouldn’t arise in the first place as I wouldn’t be flip flopping about after my dd asked us if we wanted to go away with her.

MissDoubleU · 08/10/2025 12:08

So is OP meant to be changing the sheets over halfway through her holiday too? Nah. I’d just enjoy the solo holiday. If they want to stop by for a day trip, fair enough if it’s what you want. They declined the idea of holidaying together, they don’t get to just hop on and derail your own plans.

JetFlight · 08/10/2025 12:26

I wouldn’t even have to think twice about this. I’d love to see them, gladly give up my bed and have a nice time.
But it sounds like you wouldn’t enjoy their visit so tell them there’s no space and not to come.

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