To wonder how other families get to the end of the month?

[gundigirl]

DH and I are both middle earners, with a combined income of around £90k. We have one DD in state school – no fees, but she does a few clubs and after-school activities, which add up.
With the rising cost of living, I’ve had to take on a side hustle. I actually enjoy it, but still – without that extra income, I wouldn't have been able to cover recent repair bills, for example.
I honestly don’t understand how other families (especially those with two or more DC, or just one working parent) make it to the end of the month. I’ve never felt more financially squeezed.
I’m not exactly a super-saver – I like the odd hair appointment – but I do try to save or invest a bit each month when I can.
What am I missing?

Household incomes of £15k are comon.

I think that the main thing to consider is not how much your earn but instead how much you spend.

It is generally within your control.

My pension contributions are average, but I slightly increased my contributions to an investment account last year, in a wishful thinking resolution to put more money aside each month and build up interest long term.

Of course a household income of 90k is high.

You can afford £100 a month on the gym, £180 a week on food and to pay for your child to do multiple expensive activities, including sending her to stage school.

You could make so many cut backs if you wanted and you still wouldn't be struggling.

You're high earners compared to a lot of people. My brother works in a gym - and he's very good at what he does - he earns about 28k a year gross for a 33 hour week - he's been there 15 years. I'm in Scotland so it's obviously not comparable to what people earn down south - but I know few people who earn 90k between them. The upside is the cost of living is cheaper here - my brother pays around 500 pounds a month on his mortgage.

Unless you've had a recent pay jump, your lifestyle will have expanded to fill whatever earnings you have. We have a HH income of several times that and we spend it all. Mind you 3 kids in private school is £90k off the bat, cleaner, dog minder, gardener, ski holidays, sun holidays, I don't know where the money goes!!

Ok but those are your words, not mine. Never said I was "struggling".

I said I felt stretched by the cost of living crisis, and large repair bills made me look for side hustles to top up my income.

lol.

if you save or invest a bit each month…my dear…you are going to be grilled down in flame.

Should you have more money to feel less pinched? Yes
Are you in anyway stretched? No

And you know it so…

Right, but my point is that have absolutely no reason to feel "stretched" when you can spend the money you're spending each month.

Saying that you're "financially squeezed" when you're spending nearly £800 a month on food and sending your kid to stage school is just offensive, frankly.

90k household salary is not “middle earners”, FGS.

Who are middle earners?

Average uk household income is £36,700.

If you are feeling "stretched" on 90k it's because you've overextended yourself with the mortgage or you are shit at managing a budget.

We bring in less than 90k a year for sure. Our mortgage alone is £2100 a month. It's not easy.

Everything is relative.To some £90k is a huge amount of money, to others it is not. If you have large outgoings like a big mortgage or drive cars with expensive monthly payments you can quickly go through a decent wage, Cutting back on going out, school clubs, or food bills isn’t going to make much difference.

After bills you still have thousands of pounds left, EVERY MONTH.
How is that a stretch?? If you had to get a new boiler (£3K) you can afford that and still have thousands coming in the month after!

So what? OP is asking for advice on her situation. By your rules no one could come here and ask advice ever for fear there is someone worse off!

It is NOT about saving. It IS about budgeting and prioritising - do I really NEED to buy that? What would happen if you did NOT buy it? Would it make a difference ?

I think it's all relative. For some that would be a huge income, for others it wouldn't cover much. It obviously depends on location and running costs.

I think I'm actually in a similar boat to OP. I wouldn't say we go without - although we haven't been on any kind of holiday for two years (other than one day in Norfolk).

My partners parents call it the working poor.
We don't drink/smoke/go out really ever so we don't need nice clothes. We food shop to plan and do meal prep to save money. I will only ever buy anything when it's on sale.

But if I want to buy branded nappies I wouldn't need to think twice about it so I know I'm fortunate.

You cut your cloth according to your means and am guessing you are used to a comfortable lifestyle. Single parent here living off basic income (£23k juggling two jobs no additional support). My only “ luxury” is a 14 year old car and petrol to enable me to drive for some trips out; and a pet! Hairdo once every 6-9 months. No gym. Vinted for clothes. Try and save for ( cheap) hols but continually paying off debts as a result!! I’m v lucky that I have a low mortgage . I have friends on significantly higher incomes but they pay for hugely expensive hols, cleaners, gardeners, expensive and frequent trips out and shop in expensive shops ( plus subscriptions for wine, posh coffee, lots of other things !). Also entertaining. I think that if you are used to some or any of these things increased costs ( eg car maintenance- tyres for luxury cars are soooo expensive) of living probably do make it feel a struggle compared to 4-5 years ago. No advice as I think once you are in that lifestyle it’s hard to downgrade !!!

Can’t tell if you’re trying to be funny, or willy wanging 🙄

Have you tried something like You Need A Budget? Or another envelope budgeting app?

One of the key ideas is that unexpected expenses like car repairs aren't really unexpected because you know if you have a car, at some stage it will need repairs, you just don't know when. So you put aside x amount every month, so that when car repairs become due, you already have money in that 'envelope' to cover it. Same for things like appliance repairs. If you have a boiler, at some stage it will break down so you have an appliance repair fund. If you need glasses, at some stage you will need new glasses... you get the idea.

It sounds as though you have enough income, you just haven't budgeted for foreseeable but unscheduled expenses. The first couple of months are tight, but once you get the different funds built up, it smooths out bumps in outgoings.

Is your salary before or after tax because I need to be learning from you!

It's what you get used to, but also everyone is now spending on overheads that have gone up threefold in a year or so..

15 years ago we moved to our now-home. My OH and I try to work through things as we would if we owned a business. We installed water butts, planted only perennials (don't buy annuals, ever), menu plan, buy on offer, don't eat out except rarely, etc. etc. We have fun - but budgeted. We don't do insta holidays etc. And one of us is home/not working/ a full-time unpaid carer as our child is ill. My OH was the one for the first 10 years. Now it's me. The one at home makes the money go further.

If I worked full-time I'd do the same but at a much slower time frame. It's difficult to juggle and proactively manage life budgets. But I always tell myself that if I can brush my teeth twice a day...I can make the time to plan and then try to make habits. It's difficult and needs a lot of self-management. E.g: 4 years ago we installed solar panels. This saves us £10 / day in winter, and bills are as low as £1 per day in summer (only because of the standing charge). They paid for themselves, already.

We manage on just over £30k. I juggle our savings and shopping without borrowing. It's a struggle. Moreso because any extra money goes on private health support in the hope of our child's recovery.

I think the difficulty is that most people live to their means. Whether on 30k or 90k you become accustomed to a certain lifestyle and living a certain way, when that becomes a stretch due to rising costs, you feel the pinch.

You and your husband have obviously worked hard to get where you are so I’ve certainly no criticism and I appreciate that 90k today is different to what it would have been 10-15 years ago. However, it is certainly a great deal more than many people, myself included.
Unfortunately, hard work doesn’t always equate to financial stability and there’s many who are making do on much less.

I’ve had to resort to using credit to cover anything “extra” in the last few months eg mot, school uniform, new clothes and putting carpet down in the house. It’s not ideal but it’s manageable as long as I don’t go mad.

When we’re struggling, the following things get cut:-
All subscriptions
Takeaways
Meals out
Days out (apart from free activities)
Luxury items on the food shop (alcohol, wax melts, treat food, branded items).

Review the children’s hobbies, anything they aren’t really enjoying and committed too, finish with it.

No holidays or trips away and say no to some social engagements.

If the kids ask for something non essential and it isn’t Christmas or their birthday - the answer is no.

Get on vinted!

Keep track of all purchases through the month that are under £10, they add up and are often non essential.

Review your grocery shop, get savvy, be frugal, meal plan, only buy own brand items, don’t waste anything and only buy what you need.

Go through all your utilities, any contracts coming to an end? Get a better deal where you can by moving.
Keep the heating off - layer up and get those hot water bottles out!

Sometimes it’s healthy to review everything and concentrate on enjoying life on less. Living frugally and being resourceful is an important life skill.

Good luck!

We are on the same income as you with a mortgage around £1K per month. I find I spend between 100-160 per weeks if no shop at one of the big four but can cut that right down to £80 per week by using Aldi/lidl. I still need to do one big food shop per month at the big supermarkets just to get the things I cannot get at the budget supermarkets, but for fresh bread/dairy/fruit/veg/meat etc the budget supermarkets are great