To wonder how other families get to the end of the month?

[gundigirl]

DH and I are both middle earners, with a combined income of around £90k. We have one DD in state school – no fees, but she does a few clubs and after-school activities, which add up.
With the rising cost of living, I’ve had to take on a side hustle. I actually enjoy it, but still – without that extra income, I wouldn't have been able to cover recent repair bills, for example.
I honestly don’t understand how other families (especially those with two or more DC, or just one working parent) make it to the end of the month. I’ve never felt more financially squeezed.
I’m not exactly a super-saver – I like the odd hair appointment – but I do try to save or invest a bit each month when I can.
What am I missing?

My thoughts exactly.
And they are both in post grad jobs...

It's depressing to see that.

Why would I be offended by a random stranger on an internet forum?

I can see someone is tone deaf without finding them offensive.

I’m puzzled as to why you would try to make her feel shit though if you weren’t offended? She was literally asking a question as she is concerned about how little she has at the end of each month and has acknowledged that she doesn’t know how others cope with less income/more outgoings than she has. Your response was basically telling her she is wrong for asking ? So again - if you aren’t offended why make her feel bad?

I didn't say she was wrong for asking - I said there are ways of asking for advice that aren't quite as tone deaf. That has absolutely nothing to do with whether I'm offended or not

I also didn't try and make her feel shit and never said she shouldn't have asked.

I'm not sure why you've felt the need to get defensive on OP's behalf either - I'm sure she's more than capable of responding herself if she wishes.

Why are you claiming that poster has made the OP feel bad when you don't know this? Also in your summary of the OP's situation I note you didn't mention the huge amount of disposable income that OP won't or can't account for.

Nobody is skint if they can afford a holiday OP. Or if they can afford to save.

Only one of those is important.

Thank you! :)

Yeah there was a thread where i think op was struggling on - much much lower salary and she got many negative comments but for some reason those on what i class a high income are given so much sympathy in comparrison.

Says it all when someone on the thread thinks minimum wage is more than 28k 😂 I’m a top band 4 in the NHS on just over 30k. but those of us on lower salaries don’t work hard👀

I don’t see why people are jumping on the OP or being offended. She has acknowledged others with more children or in different circumstances, or single parents must be finding it harder. But she is allowed to say that she and her family are finding it difficult currently. EVERYTHING has gone up in the last couple of years - mortgages, rent, food, bills, restaurants. Our bills and childcare have gone up by 50%. It’s okay to say you feel more pinched and can’t afford what was once affordable.

plus the OP is working hard, she has a job and has taken on a side hustle to cover her bills and spending.

Sorry OP I think you’re getting a real hard time here

I don't have milk with tea, and the big change happened during a visit to friends in France, where UHT is common. They had their tea without milk, & I learned that if you drink tea with milk, you are drinking milk flavoured with tea, which is a different (and inferior, less healthy drink) to tea.

I thought that OP was being treated uncharacteristically kindly by MNers.

My only point I’m trying to make is that uht is definitely noticeable in tea. It’s rotten. The reason they use uht in France is because it’s cheaper and doesn’t require refrigeration. So much easier for restaurants etc although I know they use it in their homes too. Which is weird because they have great cheese etc 😆

I agree with you.

😆 I notice that now…I’m so tired 😅 I’m glad you agree!! I’m now off to google why they have such good taste in cheese but use uht 🤣🤣

My opinion is that they prioritise the taste - and putting milk into tea ruins the taste of tea.

Yes in the case of herbal teas this is very true.🙌

My own experience is that it is true of black tea also, hence we buy B.O.P. but also other teas. One of the best teas I have ever drunk came from a friend of my daughter whose sister owned a tea estate in Ceylon, but I could never have appreciated the subtle taste had the taste of milk swamped the taste of the infusion.

I can add some cultural capital to the UHT discussion…. So my brother, a kick-ass tech entrepreneur, moved to Switzerland and we visit, to see him & family, and get a free holiday. And in Switzerland, they have kick-ass pure Swiss milk UHT in posh little „cafe creme“ add to your posh coffee minuscule little brown tubs with a patriotic foil covering of eg a Swiss lake image or other patriotic image. And it’s considered, „naice“.

I am lucky that I have managed to get an allotment, it costs me £50 a year and I probably spend another £100 on compost, seeds etc…, so £150 a year for almost all my veg and some fruit (weather dependant). At the moment I am making the most of apples that people are giving away for free.

I do treat myself to a coffee occasionally when out, I can only drink decaf so it’s not always worth buying.

So my weekly shop is mainly meat, fish, toilet rolls, bread and milk. Then once a month I stock up on things like rice, spices, tinned tomatoes and pasta.

The people gloating on here that they spend £50 a week feeding a family on 4 are no doubt eating a load of ultra processed crap.

It is not possible to eat healthily in this country on a tiny budget unless you grow the majority of your food yourself. But what I’m reading is people are shopping in Aldi, Iceland etc and ‘eating well’ on £200 odd a month. Give over. If you are buying meat for a few quid, multi packs of yoghurt for £1 and bread for 50p you are not eating well. It’s cheap for a reason. You’re eating food that is made up of god knows how many chemically altered ingredients. So carry on berating the OP for her awful decision to spend a lot on food so her family has a decent diet. Personally I’d rather ‘overspend’ on decent food then martyr myself on the alter of frugality, eat shit and put my DC in line for early onset Diabetes.

Just my opinion, flame away while I get my coat and leave the thread😅

@Eastie77Returns I would think you were trolling us if I didn’t recognise your username, because you are coming out with the most pie in the sky claims and, quite frankly, offensive views. You’ve obviously never known how to eat well and on a low, sometimes very low, income. Because it can be done, and easily, when you know how. There have been dozens of threads about this on MN about this topic with ideas and recipes from people who know what they’re talking about. People who live in the real world, who’re switched on and know what matter. People who know, for example, there are perfectly fine gyms - even in central London - that cost less than £50 a month.

True, I suppose earl grey and Lapsang souchong are black teas and I never have milk in those. Lemon in earl grey sometimes.

You either have massive debts (mortgage, car finance etc) or are completely rubbish at living within your means.

My DH and I earn a bit more than you (combined annual income of around £140K - pre tax - but he is a higher rate tax payer). However, we have three teenagers in private school (totalling £45K a year on our post tax income even with bursaries and scholarships).

We budget well and we don’t get ourselves into debt. If we can’t pay for it out of current finances, we don’t buy it. Sometimes we don’t have a proper family holiday each year. My car is over 10yrs old (his is a company van). I buy and sell clothes on Vinted, as do the kids. Our food shop each week for the 5 of us (all essentially adult sized people) is around £120.

Kids do most of their activities at school (cadets and music/choir related) and the only one anyone does out of school is scouts.

All our (mine and DH) hobbies are free or very cheap - walking, choir, scouting, local grassroots tennis club). I cut my own hair and none of us smoke or drink at home. We occasionally will have a meal out but we tend to socialise at friends’ houses rather than down the pub.

We have built up quite a bit of savings despite the kids costing a lot at school because we are very careful with our money. Our only debt is the mortgage (£150K) that will be paid off once the kids have all left school. Both DH and I have long term, and at times physically debilitating, illnesses and we want to be mortgage free well before retirement age just in case we have to retire early.

Or they're eating a mostly unprocessed mostly vegetarian diet using basic seasonal vegetables and salad, pulses, spices and eggs, all of which make ultra processed crap look rather expensive.

Some of my favourite meals are things like dhal, bean chillies, hummus and falafels, eggs or similar. In the grand scheme of things these types of foods are very cheap.

You think it’s easy to healthily feed a family of four on £50 a week? A family with growing children who require 2-3 meals a day?

I deliver food parcels from a food bank to families twice a month and I’ll be sure to let them know that.

There is definitely someone peddling pie in the sky claims here but it isn’t me.