To wonder how other families get to the end of the month?

[gundigirl]

DH and I are both middle earners, with a combined income of around £90k. We have one DD in state school – no fees, but she does a few clubs and after-school activities, which add up.
With the rising cost of living, I’ve had to take on a side hustle. I actually enjoy it, but still – without that extra income, I wouldn't have been able to cover recent repair bills, for example.
I honestly don’t understand how other families (especially those with two or more DC, or just one working parent) make it to the end of the month. I’ve never felt more financially squeezed.
I’m not exactly a super-saver – I like the odd hair appointment – but I do try to save or invest a bit each month when I can.
What am I missing?

Op you mentioned your daughter having a language club. If this is too expensive you might find an online tutor much more affordable . My children have a tutor for less than £5 a lesson online.

Are you putting a lot in your pension? We earn a large amount on paper but put a load in our pensions so although we can't afford long foreign holidays or a cleaner that's the reason. I know loads of people who earn significantly less than us with a nicer lifestyle who are making no provision for later life and will be relying on the state pension as they feel you never know what's round the corner.

I am also amazed at some people on here earning half what you do and not struggling at all!

Mortgage and bills at £1500 is cheap

House bills for me with
council tax 157
water £55
g&e £160
tv £15
wifi £20
buildings and contents £22
sky £24
life insurance £53

so just over £500 meaning your mortgage is around £1000

Obv all pay diff things for utilities but a rough guide

We are on similar OP and our mortgage and outgoings are similar. Except we have 3 kids.

It is easy to get to the end of the month and wonder where all the money has gone.. but pondering out loud about it on a site which includes people on the bare bones of their arse is a little tone deaf.

We reach the end of the month by always spending less than we earn.
Other Than mortgage how much do you spend on cars, clothes, children’s clothes /hobbies/ days out , meals out , makeup, haircuts etc? That’s probably where you are overspending.

nah this isn't genius. People committed to mortgages etc based on a general understanding of what things cost. My mortgage more than doubled overnight two years ago in the interest rate explosion and now I'm still stuck in it. My energy bills increased by 50%. Food has increased by something like 50% though we cut and cut and cut. Even things like parking permit in town has quadrupled. Everything costs more. My internet, my house and car insurance. I needed new specs and they were much more. A family on 90k should feel like they're rolling in it and they're not. No one's saying they're living in a skip.

(In reply to the person who says ooh must be tough. It didn't show the quote!)

Well since she has only listed some of her outgoings and none of us know where all this extra money she (supposedly) has is going, why is so much judgement thrown at her? We have no idea what is going on behind the scenes yet so many people on here are an authority on her finances and know she is wasting money because they manage on less.

I'm sorry but there really is a lot of bitterness directed towards higher income earners on MN. Look at the very first reply on this thread. If someone posts that they earn a remotely 'high' figure and are struggling, the knives immediately come out on MN. They are usually accused of being tone deaf, stupid with money and undeserving of any sympathy whatsover. Sympathy can only be reserved for those on a lower income (whose incomes are topped up with taxes generated from...higher incomes. But I digress)

Then there is the disturbing fact that some on here do not know how income tax works and think that someone on £100k takes home over £8k a month....

If the higher earner explains they live in an expensive area and pay a £2.5k mortgage, £2k in childcare costs and other expenses that come with living in a pricey city and have very little left over at the end of the month, they are usually sneered at told and they should 'just move' to Teeside where they'd only have a £350 mortgage. Childcare costs..well they chose to have kids. Other expenses.. they must be shopping in Waitrose and taking multiple holidays so they should switch to Aldi and a two day break in Skegness, and don't you know some people survive on so much less...

So depressing.

Not sure how you struggle on 90k? We have less than half of that coming in and yes its a struggle but we manage just have to shop around for the cheapest deals on everything including the weekly food shop
Ive always chosen to buy our clothes from charity shops before buying new or preloved like vinted , we dont really go out much and never have takeaways everythings cooked from scratch
We have a 9 year old and make sure she still attends events and school trips but some things such as school residential at £500 for the week take alot of saving for . We dont splash out and i rarely buy anything for myself
I wait till my birthday or xmas and say i really need for example a new pair of trainers if people want to put towards something i need rather than the usual bodywash set or chocolates

OP says she has ONE holiday a year, ONE hobby (gym). Haircut twice a year. Her DH cuts his own hair. They rarely go out. Her DC needs wraparound care and does a few activities. She does not sound as if she is living life large. It sounds like an existence and day to day struggle rather than an enjoyable life.

Are you living in cloud cuckoo land @Eastie77Returns?

OP spends £100 a month on the gym, £180 a week on food and sends her kid to stage school, karate, swimming and to music lessons, They are not living a "day to day struggle" by any stretch of the imagination.

Did the OP actually use the word struggle?

Haven't RTFT, but is this 90k gross or net? two people having roughly equal packages or one earner?

If 90k net then with 1500/month mortgage you still have 6k/month left which is a lot.

If 90k is gross, then there is huge difference between one SAHP and one earner, take home would be about 62k (let's ignore pensions for a moment) and two earners of 45k with total take home 72k.

So what's the situation here?

“judgement”? You mean like you and your bizarre assumptions about people being bitter @Eastie77Returns ?

With a high household income, OP says she’s feeling the pinch yet spends more than £700 a month on food for a family of three and £100 on gym membership. That indicates to me someone who’s frittering away money and doesn’t know how to budget or doesn’t want to.

Don't be an arse, making sarcastic, aggressive digs.

It's not about having a body that goes against medical and dietetic concensus. People are not machines. The amount and type of carbohydrate diabetics can tolerate varies massively. Lots of diabetics can't tolerate many, if any, beans or pulses. Some can tolerate oats, others can't. Some can tolerate small slices of wholemeal bread.

It is bloody rude for you to suggest I am lying about how a particular food affects my body. Why on earth would I? And it's not that I assume they raise my blood glucose, I can literally test my levels and see that they do

I would fucking love to not have to restrict my diet as much as I do. It gets really boring! I would love to be able to eat beans and pulses.

This baffles me. I'm a single Mum on an income of 38k. I pay a mortgage and pay all the usual bills. I have one dd in state school who does all the usual clubs etc. I save a reasonable amount each month, overpay on my mortgage a small amount each month. I own my car outright having bought it secondhand a few years ago so don't pay car finance, another big expense i see many people choose. I don't spank my money on loads of luxuries and dont do overseas holidays, but I do two weeks away in the UK outside of Summer in holiday cottages, have another week away camping/roadtripping. Do lots of camping weekends, have weekends away with family and friends here and there. I'm not absolutely rolling in it but live pretty comfortably. I don't have any debt or credit card.

OP must have an enormous mortgage. I know a couple who have a smaller joint income compared to OP and are about to increase their mortgage payments feom 600 to 1800k a month by upsizing their home. They dont live in London so imo it's a lifestyle choice not a necessity. They both also have spanking new big cars on finance. It blows my mind that people have so many huge financial commitments through choice. I'd struggle to sleep at night to be honest.

Yes, you’re correct that’s not as much as I’d have thought. Fair play.

Do you not get any housing benefit? - this is not a trick question, but I have no idea.

Why so narky @HairsprayBabe ? DP can't tolerate pulses or lentils or beans or legumes and yes he's under the Lipid Clinic on a very strict no carb diet. His levels are uncontrollable if he strays from this and is monitored regularly. Not all diabetics are the same....

Is £90k before or after tax etc OP? I do feel you though, the cost of living has skyrocketed, you only have to nip out for washing detergent and coffee and you've spent twenty quid! My shopping bills are ridiculous and there's only myself and hubby now.

'what prompted my post is that any time there’s a big, unexpected cost (like a car repair or something going wrong in the house), it wipes out a chunk of our savings.' Isn't this part of the reason people having savings. Be glad you have enough money to cover repairs in the event of a disaster. I know people who would have to get out a loan if the boiler blew up!

Maybe you shouldn't digress about people on lower incomes being topped up with taxes generated from higher incomes. I'm on a low income just now and I certainly am not perfect with money - but I've paid my fair share of taxes over decades. If you are talking about people claiming benefits like Universal Credit to top up low wages (I have had to do this in the past as well) - perhaps the fault lies with employers who don't pay more than min wage or employ them on zero hours contracts as similar which leads them to have to claim top up benefits

I personally can't identify with someone who earns a combined income of 90k a year and is struggling - but that's only because I have never earned 90k a year.

By the way - as a single person on universal credit - my wages were topped up with UC, but I got no in work allowance so every pound I earned 67p was taken from my UC. It's a pittance for some people - and maybe that's why some people find it hard to understand why people on relatively high incomes struggle.

That aside - the OP hasn't given enough details about her outgoings - so people can only give limited advice.

Some people do survive on much less - choosing between heating and eating (been there). Id personally rather have had an income of 90k coming into my home and feeling the pinch than just short of 400 quid a month which was my income until last September

(and it can also go both ways). I've been on threads on here where I've been told to count myself lucky because some people don't have 400 pounds to spare after they pay rent and bills (I didn't have 400 spare either - I had to pay bills from that).

The difference between Op and some people on lower incomes is that there are things she can cut back on - some people have nothing they can cut back on.

@FlippityFloppityFlump I tend not to believe much of what people say on the internet - sorry if I hurt your feelings - it won't change my opinion or my delivery though. If you are unable to eat whatever for whatever reason then it doesn't matter either way what I say.

@steamingin I am generally narky - there is so much in terms of BS and excuses spat out online - like I said if someone is genuine in their claims what I say doesn't' really matter.

Her mortgage seems to be around £1000 as bills and mortgage are £1.5k

so not a huge amount for the salary

Is this 90k take home after tax etc?

180 a week on food is a lot.

I think I get it. I was on a slightly above average wage (below average for a household) and we had to budget and make choices. You are well off by most people's standards and the cost of living crisis hits you.

But there are people on minimum wage supporting whole families. How do they cope? What must it be like for them?

£90k gross, DH earns £50k, I earn £40. How does that make us high earners, exactly? That's an average teaching salary!