To wonder how other families get to the end of the month?

[gundigirl]

DH and I are both middle earners, with a combined income of around £90k. We have one DD in state school – no fees, but she does a few clubs and after-school activities, which add up.
With the rising cost of living, I’ve had to take on a side hustle. I actually enjoy it, but still – without that extra income, I wouldn't have been able to cover recent repair bills, for example.
I honestly don’t understand how other families (especially those with two or more DC, or just one working parent) make it to the end of the month. I’ve never felt more financially squeezed.
I’m not exactly a super-saver – I like the odd hair appointment – but I do try to save or invest a bit each month when I can.
What am I missing?

If you want to save then you need to treat that money as a household bill. Decide on the amount that you want to save each month (ie 10% of net income) and then set up direct payments to the various investment accounts (ISA's, premium bonds, easy access savings etc).
Then from what's left deduct household bills and other monthly stuff.
Then allocate a set amount for food - always write a list and stick to it. Check your cupboards for unused/unwanted foods and get rid. One can of baked beans costs more than a 6pk of beans - look at price comparisons on the shelf because sometimes it's the other way round.
Then divide up what's left into weekly spends and stick to the weekly limit.

Your DD is doing a lot of clubs - can some of them be dropped or is she truly happy doing all of them?
ALWAYS shop around at insurance renewal time. There are always cheaper deals and it's not too much of a faff to hop providers - always make sure that the policy's are not on auto-renew.
Sign up for Martin Lewis' weekly money email - loads of bargains to be had. Set aside an hour or two every month to go through all bills/bank statements/letters etc and deal with them.
Paying for a whole year for things like Amazon Prime & Disney+ saves you money as you pay the equivalent of 10 months rather than 12 paying monthly.

Hope this helps

Our income is similar to yours Op. I have cut costs a lot by only allowing one takeaway per month. We shop at Aldi then get a few extras in Sainsbury’s. I cook a huge amount of vegan food now rather than lamb etc which we used to eat regularly - we have lots of home made soup etc now. All our cakes and biscuits are homemade but in fairness, I enjoy that. Mobile phones are another thing that people spent huge amount of money on. We don’t because we buy cheap phones in cash and then just get a very cheap plan with them. We also drive an old car but it’s Japanese so it just keeps going.

Yes this! All of our savings comes out the day after payday. 500 into holiday account, 140 into each of the dc accounts and 1720 into the main savings.

Your daughter has an insane amount of very expensive hobbies and £180 a week on food is mad. We spend about £80 a week on two adults and we never go without nice extras like a few pricey berries/grapes/sweets.

I think perhaps you don’t have a good idea of where your money is going as you are getting through a lot despite combined bills and mortgage that is smaller than many household mortgages on similar incomes

your food bill is indicative perhaps of a liberal approach to spending - unless DD is a very active teen and so needs lots of food

how much are DDs clubs really costing you

what about clothes, coffees , trips out … you are spending it on something !

Well lots of people can afford it because everyone’s financial situation is different?

I buy coffee a few times a month at £3.50 a pop and order Deliveroo maybe twice a month. Pedi every few weeks. I don’t really see it as “throwing money around”. I budget for those spends with a Monzo pot for fun stuff and when the money from the pot is gone, it’s gone. I don’t get any more coffees or takeaways for that month. Works out fine. When were paying childcare costs x2 for our DC I couldn’t afford it. Now I can.

Life changes and while OP may have found £90k stretched to certain things a few years back, now it doesn’t and things are tougher. I have no idea why there is so much bitterness on these kinds of threads from the “well our family has to live on half that amount” crew. It is not the OPs fault you are on a lower income.

A lot of people were able to just spend before inflation and cost of living hit and they now need to learn to budget. Best advice is to just not spend money unless absolutely necessary. Enjoy not spending! Feel joy in every penny saved and every single item recycled. £1200 a year on a gym membership would get you two very good quality exercise machines at home and you may even be able to get a cheap one online when people move house or on freecycle. It is how most people now need to think. Thinning out meat and fish with veg and pulses is actually healthier anyway. A lot of non branded food is at least as good as the branded stuff. You basically need to rethink absolutely everything and start saving everywhere. Like others say, every insurance, bills, holidays, school clubs, every coffee. Just do not spend without thinking clearly if you actually need it. It is the Marie Kondo of spending (do I actually really really need this item or that thing?), once you get it, it works wonders.

Life has changed for everyone, those on much less are surviving on much less. There's an entitled attitude running through all these types of threads "why should I stop spending on x y or z when I could afford it, it's so unfair". It reminds me of Charlie and Chocolate factory with all the spoilt children wanting more and more.

My mortgage has gone up,my bills have gone up, my food has gone up and my pay hasn't gone up by the same amount (any payrise quickly gets eaten up by bill increases). You cut your cloth accordingly and actually redo your budget. I'm in no way struggling, and in no way poor but I know where every penny I spend goes and how much I owe to everyone. I update my spreadsheet daily, ticking off my receipts when I've logged it. I shop around for insurance, I check I'm still on a good mobile contract, I haggle my AA membership, haggle Sky. Anything I can haggle I do.

Maybe the OP needs to get her head out of the sand and actually look at where she is spending all this money instead of whining she's on 90k and doesn't understand why she has no money left.

After budgeting, what’s helped me the most is paying myself first from my wage and occasional Premium Bond prize. Out of sight out of mind. You have to be so on it these days to keep your head above water or to prosper - knowing exactly where your money’s going, shopping around, checking interest rates, haggling for deals, rotating subscriptions, claiming free trials and cancelling before the trial ends. It’s almost like having another job.

It is not. We live in London and that is no longer a lot.

We have a combined income of just over 50k

1 car
1 child in nursery
1 club for each child
1 big holiday a year plus other smaller trips

We put a decent proportion in saving and have a modest mortgage. No other debt.

You are spending too much on things you don't need.

£180 per week for food is ridiculous. Are you frivolous with other bills and expenses?

Supermarkets in London are on average only 5% more expensive in London. And op hasn't said they live in London, so irrelevant.

Genuinely, what are you buying that you only spend that?

I have diabetes which means I need to eat low carb so can't do cheaper pasta, rice, bean/lentil dishes. I think having to eat more protein than carbs makes our bills more expensive and less easy to reduce the spend.

@FlippityFloppityFlump we spend less than £70 for four of us, meal planning and not wasting as much as possible is the name of the game - also lentils/beans and pulses are great for diabetes so I don't know why you are saying that. Pulses and diabetes | Diabetes UK

@gundigirl do you have any tv packages, expensive phones on contract, anything like that?

A lot of people were able to just spend before inflation and cost of living hit and they now need to learn to budget.

I think you have nailed it there @Araminta1003

Money and things were cheap and it was easy to spend when interest rates were 1%
Managing money is a skill that should be taught

There's an entitled attitude running through all these types of threads "why should I stop spending on x y or z when I could afford it, it's so unfair"

@xSideshowAuntSallyXx
Op has not come across like this and has acknowledged she is going wrong somewhere and is asking for help
MH issues, neurodiversity and other stresses can all impact how people manage money.
I wish people could just put their swords down for 5 minutes ...

@gundigirl
Do you have debt?
CM payments

Post your full outgoings and we can save you a fortune 🙂

Probably, seeing as her kid does stage school, swimming, karate, music and other clubs:

Yeah.

OP, I mean this in a “I’m sharing my info so you know it can be done, and probably easily” way: we’re a household of 3, with basically the same outgoings as you, but much less spent on the cars and groceries… on a household income of approx £40k. Either you’re putting way more away to save/invest than you can currently support, or you’re spending hundreds on the cars every single month, I don’t understand how double our income but similar spends can still be in the same position as us.

Lots of good and realistic advice in this thread alone (the cars, the food shop, etc) but definitely make sure you have sat down and written literally every bit out.

OP has posted her mortgage and bills, they total 1500, same as ours, yet we manage on half her income. I think she just isn't tracking her spending properly.

It sounds like you’re living beyond your means. Why on earth does your DD need to do 5 different activities?! That’s ridiculous.

I earn more than you and wouldn’t pay £100 per month for a gym membership. Again, totally unnecessary.

Of course it’s up to you what you spend your money on, but if you choose to spend so much on these things, then obviously you are going to have less to spend in other areas. It’s a choice about where you spend your money.

I get £170 child benefit and about £180 UC so not as much as you think.

Phones is another good example that others have mentioned. Bought my phone new but opened box for £350. It was a couple of models old. We have a family sim
plan for 5 sims which costs us under £50 a month. My sim is £6 on its own because I don’t need much data (I get 10gb and usually only use less than 2!) but get 10% off with the family plan. My colleague has the same phone, 12gb data but is paying £56/month on a 2 year contract. She also had to pay £100 upfront for the phone. Her contract is about to end which is why we were discussing it but she won’t consider buying a phone outright or getting a sim only contract for her existing phone which seems insane to me!

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark if people way above median income have to ration food and heating.

We buy all fresh, so rarely any processed food. Cook from scratch for all meals.
We do eat vegetarian a few nights a week so will do black bean chilli or a pea and lemon risotto and we pad a bolognaise out with loads of celery, carrots and onions. I buy massive bags of rice to keep costs down