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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think maybe my NDN is a murderer?

462 replies

notanoccultexpert · 07/10/2025 10:38

Ok, I'm going to try and make this as short as possible, but at the same time, not miss any details out. Lived in our house for 30years - about 16 years ago, a family moved in next door. Mother, Father, 2 sons and 2 daughters (who all appeared to be in their mid-late 30s). 2 daughters drove and worked, 2 sons don't drive and have never worked.

Due to his future behaviour, we nicknamed one of the brothers 'Hulk' (he's also quite stocky), so to make things simple here, we have Hulk and 'Gentle' (his brother).

Incidents when my kids were young:

  1. Hulk told me he was keeping a log of when my children made noise in the house
  2. Hulk splashed bleach on my ex's car when he parked outside their house for literally a minute whilst picking the kids up
  3. Hulk shouted at my young son for knocking to ask for his football, and when I saw him and Gentle next, I had a go at him for it. Gentle was 'holding' his brother back, like he would attack me.

My other neighbours don't like them, THEIR neighbours don't like them.

Over the years though, I got in the habit of saying hello and it became friendly enough. Time passed and the father died, then the mother died, one of the sisters died. I knew all this because they either told me, or, in the case of the sister, they had a big funeral procession, the hearse was parked outside the house for a while, and Gentle told me she died from kidney disease.

ALL through this time, I only EVER saw Hulk out in the garden with Gentle, gardening. Only ever saw Gentle and his sister go to shops, or laundromat. Literally the only time I would see Hulk is if he was with his brother out in the front garden, or gardening in the back garden. None of them go out a lot, but if one of them was walking down the street, it would only ever be Gentle.

Last year my daughter and her partner had a bit of a parking dispute with our other neighbours. They are nice but a bit fussy, and they always asked my daughters partner to move his car when he came over...he never parked outside their house, but they felt like they needed 'more space' for their daughters car. So he would move it, out of courtesy. Until one day he didn't, which resulted in their daughter 'having' to park outside Hulks house (she really didn't need to, plenty of space outside her parents house) - so an argument between them two occurred. A few weeks later, Hulk had asked us about the back yard fence, and we noticed some vines coming through from his side. He denied it, so I opened my back gate to show him. My daughter was also there, as was his sister, and he was stood about a foot away from me (I couldn't back up cos our cat run was behind me). Because he kept rambling, i eventually said, anyway, I've got to get on...and he literally just stood and stared at me, no expression for about 5 seconds....after about the 5th 'I've really got to go', i managed to end the convo and get him the hell out of my yard. Me and my daughter were really weirded out by the way he just stared and ignored me.

But, during this convo, he kept bringing it round to the parking dispute - telling my daughter re our other neighbours 'don't let them dominate you' - not kidding he kept coming back to it, and he must have said this about 6 times...so weird. I mention this because his language was so strange...it was a parking dispute and a small one at that.

So after this strangeness, I realised I hadn't seen Gentle for a very long time. And once I realised it, I started noticing that now only Hulk was doing gardening, and it was only Hulk who went to shops with his sister (they ALWAYS go out together).

And then we (my kids and me) started talking about their back garden. It's not a huge garden, but they already had two sheds side by side at the back. The rest was really lovely flowers. Until Hulk razed the flowers, concreted over and put a massive shed on it. If you look into their garden from our bedroom window, that shed takes up about 70% of the space, then the two sheds at the back as well. There's literally no garden space left, so what he's keeping IN the sheds, no idea.

But where is Gentle? Shed went up after Gentle 'disappeared' because he wasn't helping like he usually would have. I liked Gentle. He would even knock on the door if he needed help with council or anything. I find his brother weird. Now you'd think if Gentle had fallen ill, Hulk would have mentioned it to me during that conversation. The family dynamic is very strange anyway, but I can't stop thinking about what happened to Gentle.

So, what do you think? My kids were saying maybe call the police - but what would I say?

YABU - probably just ill or died
YANBU - he's definitely killed his brother

OP posts:
kittensinthekitchen · 08/10/2025 18:39

OP now you've clarified you never intended to inadvertedly suggest/allow the assumption that there are LDs or ND at play, why do you think the "more likely" scenario is that he is "either very ill or died a natural death" rather than the possibility that he just moved out?

MaskAndMartini · 08/10/2025 18:41

OP, when I was little growing up in the 1970s, I heard digging from a garden two down and one across from ours. I looked out of my bedroom window and saw a torch being shone. I can still remember the sound of the digging.

Years later, they found that the two local gangsters (brothers) had buried another gangster in their garden.

Different scenario, but you never know. I think a welfare check is in order. It can't hurt.

MsTamborineMan · 08/10/2025 18:50

Daygloboo · 08/10/2025 18:08

Good point. I forgot that.

Perhaps gentle is the brother one who organised the funeral, and was the one who told OP about the other deaths?

weirdoboelady · 08/10/2025 19:02

mummymetalhead · 08/10/2025 14:38

I really hope Gentle is ok. Hulks sounds absolutely terrifying

I worked in mental health for many years, including running a project for/with people in a special hospital - one of three in the country. One of the pieces of advice I was given early in my career, which has stuck with me and which I believe, is that if someone spontaneously makes your hair stand on end, or you have a physical fear reaction to them, trust your instinct. You are right, H sounds terrifying (and the family setup sounds odd).

NB - I DON'T conclude from this that there has been a murder, but DO conclude that a welfare check on the family sounds like an excellent idea. And even if H wasn't scary, I do feel the OP is being a good neighbour.

Edited to add - no, I don't link poor mental health to violence to others. Having said that, there are very violent people in special hospitals so I have had in depth training.....

TheHillIsMine · 08/10/2025 19:16

If you genuinely think the brother is missing and not through his choice then of course you report it

Newsenmum · 08/10/2025 19:16

I dont get why the op is getting a hard time. Hulk has shown to be quite an intimidating figure. Prisons are full of them. Maybe he does have some kind of disability, maybe not. Doesnt mean he’s ‘nice’. And I say that as a parent of a ND disabled child.

Newsenmum · 08/10/2025 19:17

weirdoboelady · 08/10/2025 19:02

I worked in mental health for many years, including running a project for/with people in a special hospital - one of three in the country. One of the pieces of advice I was given early in my career, which has stuck with me and which I believe, is that if someone spontaneously makes your hair stand on end, or you have a physical fear reaction to them, trust your instinct. You are right, H sounds terrifying (and the family setup sounds odd).

NB - I DON'T conclude from this that there has been a murder, but DO conclude that a welfare check on the family sounds like an excellent idea. And even if H wasn't scary, I do feel the OP is being a good neighbour.

Edited to add - no, I don't link poor mental health to violence to others. Having said that, there are very violent people in special hospitals so I have had in depth training.....

Edited

I’ve also worked in mental health and totally agree with you there. Very important to trusr your gut.

Worzel9 · 08/10/2025 19:23

Stranger things have happened, OP. When DH and I first moved out, we lived in a lovely area next to (what we thought were) two elderly couples. One side we never saw, ever. Apart from once, there was an elderly woman looking out the window whilst I was in the garden.

Anyway, at some point the police came round and asked us questions about them, if we had seen the woman etc. I mentioned only ever seeing her once through the window. It struck me as odd they would be asking after just her.

One day they came round and entered their house through an open back door and all hell broke loose, he was screaming etc. Anyway, it transpired that it was a mother/son. She had sadly passed away (god knows how long ago) and he hadn’t told anyone, she was still in the house! Never found out the reason why.

We moved out pretty soon after that. You really never would’ve assumed it from the outside.

TheHillIsMine · 08/10/2025 19:23

Are you not British?

LadySuzanne · 08/10/2025 19:27

kittensinthekitchen · 08/10/2025 18:39

OP now you've clarified you never intended to inadvertedly suggest/allow the assumption that there are LDs or ND at play, why do you think the "more likely" scenario is that he is "either very ill or died a natural death" rather than the possibility that he just moved out?

Or possibly bedbound/housebound with long Covid?

twobabiesandapup · 08/10/2025 19:46

OP please can you come back and update if you hear any more information, I very rarely read the whole of a long thread but this one I did! Also isn’t it wild when people don’t read your posts, but replies where people have just randomly made stuff up and people run with it as if it’s gospel! You very clearly have never said any of the neighbours are vulnerable. And yes working from home it would be incredibly weird to not spot and notice things going on on your street. I think you sound really nice and genuinely care about what might have happened to Gentle. Mumsnet is such a weird place

Beachtastic · 08/10/2025 19:47

Well I think it's a splendid and intriguing thread OP and I can't see anything wrong with your posts. I'm looking forward to the outcome!

WeeGeeBored · 08/10/2025 19:54

PuppyKeep · 08/10/2025 16:22

Why not? That’s fascinating

Think about it…

WeeGeeBored · 08/10/2025 19:55

twobabiesandapup · 08/10/2025 19:46

OP please can you come back and update if you hear any more information, I very rarely read the whole of a long thread but this one I did! Also isn’t it wild when people don’t read your posts, but replies where people have just randomly made stuff up and people run with it as if it’s gospel! You very clearly have never said any of the neighbours are vulnerable. And yes working from home it would be incredibly weird to not spot and notice things going on on your street. I think you sound really nice and genuinely care about what might have happened to Gentle. Mumsnet is such a weird place

There won’t be any update because police won’t tell her anything. Life isn’t actually like an episode of Miss Marple.

twobabiesandapup · 08/10/2025 20:06

WeeGeeBored · 08/10/2025 19:55

There won’t be any update because police won’t tell her anything. Life isn’t actually like an episode of Miss Marple.

I haven’t ever seen Miss Marple so I can’t relate to that, however another poster suggested that if police can’t track the whereabouts then they will speak with neighbours to ascertain more information. At which point it would be clear that it was potentially a disappearance

GoldPoster · 08/10/2025 20:09

AutumnMorning · 08/10/2025 17:40

I just went back and read OP's 1st post on page 1 incase I was missing anything.

And yep its neurotic and so are some of these replies. The paranoia is off the scale.

I feel sorry for the neighbours in that house being negatively judged unknowingly!

And OP i doubt you're a saint with your kid making so much noise you got a complaint.

Leaving you all to this really uncomfortable thread about a family just trying to get on with their own lives.

Don’t you think a 3rd massive shed on a concrete base, taking up 70% of the garden is suspicious?

These things do actually happen. Although I’m pretty sure the police won’t be digging under the shed without a lot more evidence

housethatbuiltme · 08/10/2025 20:17

This feels awfully ablest to be honest.

As someone where nearly every member of my family is autistic and ND we grew up being the 'weirdo' family no matter how nice we tried to be (which even got us attacked several times by local bullies) so we stopped trying and kept to ourselves and still got shit like this as the hermits who dont talk to people.

My next door neighbor, a lovely old man died... I only realized after I realized I hadn't seen him for ages. His wife still lived their and his son visits her daily, no burying under the patio or anything... I had just missed that he died because I dont spend all day every day staring at my neighbors. I was probably busy or out or on holiday when he died (and I'm at home more than most due to being disabled and not in work). My DH dad new my neighbor and confirmed he had died about 10 month earlier, no mystery just no one specifically told me because I'm just the neighbor and its not my business.

Horseys not zebras people, you probably just missed something because its you dont actually know these people... being 'weird' as in not meeting you criteria of 'nuerotypical behaviors' does not equal criminal.

RapunzelHadExtensions · 08/10/2025 20:28

AutumnMorning · 08/10/2025 17:40

I just went back and read OP's 1st post on page 1 incase I was missing anything.

And yep its neurotic and so are some of these replies. The paranoia is off the scale.

I feel sorry for the neighbours in that house being negatively judged unknowingly!

And OP i doubt you're a saint with your kid making so much noise you got a complaint.

Leaving you all to this really uncomfortable thread about a family just trying to get on with their own lives.

MN is so weird sometimes. Throwing bleach over a car is just getting on with their lives 😂

Yourlifeinyourhands · 08/10/2025 20:43

I assume you haven’t heard anything?

Where is the post about the other person who was worried about her neighbour? Curtains closed etc?! Didn’t ever see an update…

Jjhvvhhh · 08/10/2025 21:14

Foundress · 08/10/2025 17:14

Bloody hell @notanoccultexpert you have had a pasting on here.Hope you have got some wine in for this evening. Well done you for addressing the made up crap that other people deduced from your OP.

Agree

Well done OP. I regret not calling the police re something disturbing decades ago. I wonder if a call would have changed the outcome or if it was already too late. Still, I should have called.

Newsenmum · 08/10/2025 21:26

housethatbuiltme · 08/10/2025 20:17

This feels awfully ablest to be honest.

As someone where nearly every member of my family is autistic and ND we grew up being the 'weirdo' family no matter how nice we tried to be (which even got us attacked several times by local bullies) so we stopped trying and kept to ourselves and still got shit like this as the hermits who dont talk to people.

My next door neighbor, a lovely old man died... I only realized after I realized I hadn't seen him for ages. His wife still lived their and his son visits her daily, no burying under the patio or anything... I had just missed that he died because I dont spend all day every day staring at my neighbors. I was probably busy or out or on holiday when he died (and I'm at home more than most due to being disabled and not in work). My DH dad new my neighbor and confirmed he had died about 10 month earlier, no mystery just no one specifically told me because I'm just the neighbor and its not my business.

Horseys not zebras people, you probably just missed something because its you dont actually know these people... being 'weird' as in not meeting you criteria of 'nuerotypical behaviors' does not equal criminal.

I strongly disagree. Did you actually read what these grown adults did? Violent and creepy behaviour. Im from a ND family. I don’t act like that. Hopefully you dont either.

Orpheya · 08/10/2025 21:29

Saved your thread. This one and few others

Orpheya · 08/10/2025 21:31

I cannot believe people suggesting these people are ND. Do you know what is actually ND? Falling down, not being able to tie your show laces, disliking too much input from various sources, being shy.....what this all has got to do with being evil, staring, threatening etc. This place is mad indeed

WeeGeeBored · 08/10/2025 21:34

Yourlifeinyourhands · 08/10/2025 20:43

I assume you haven’t heard anything?

Where is the post about the other person who was worried about her neighbour? Curtains closed etc?! Didn’t ever see an update…

That was resolved. The neighbours came home (surprise surprise!) after being away for 3 days.

We haven’t been the same since Covid, have we?

Londonrach1 · 08/10/2025 21:57

Get police to do a welfare check