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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be concerned about my neighbours?

389 replies

Lynn981 · 06/10/2025 22:57

My neighbours are a young couple with a toddler. I normally seem them but I haven’t for 3 days now. All their lights and curtains hahe been drawn but their cars are still on the drive and haven’t moved. Or am I over thinking? It just seems a bit unusual. We are rural and you can’t really get to anywhere without a car, not even local shop. Also they’re not abroad or anything, as I actually spoke to the lady neighbour the other day and she said someone from the council was meant to be coming round

OP posts:
Goldenoldie58 · 07/10/2025 12:07

Why on earth are you posting this, you haven't even knocked??? You can't be that concerned

Whatsthatsheila · 07/10/2025 12:08

Nandina · 07/10/2025 10:51

They could be on holiday. Some people close their curtains and blinds when they go away (that always seems odd to me as it just alerts others to an empty house).

I leave lights on. And my curtains are ALWAYS closed. So it’s never any different. Im fully aware I am odd

Marosanne · 07/10/2025 12:12

Definitely knock! Why in earth wouldn't you?

Seagoats · 07/10/2025 12:12

Just pop over and say you were worried. I think it would be taken as kind not nosey

ThePoshUns · 07/10/2025 12:22

Not sure OP will be coming back 🤔

Clumsycorvid · 07/10/2025 12:23

A few months ago I kept hearing a bedroom alarm clock from NDN. Started to get extremely concerned when it was still going off for 6 hours! Her car was on the drive and everything was closed - curtains and blinds etc. Tried knocking and even found her on social media. She lived alone and was much older than I am. Turned out she left early to visit her parents in care and used public transport. She was so apologetic and thankful I checked in. Always knock if concerned.

Isobel201 · 07/10/2025 12:24

This is how my nan was found dead, ndn had noticed the windows weren't open like she usually opened them every morning and closed them at night, so raised a concern. She had died on the sofa from an aneurysm.

Change2banon · 07/10/2025 12:27

Think it must just be the ‘thing’ atm. There’s another thread running where a poster thinks their neighbour might be a murderer as she hasn’t seen one of the house occupants for a while - she thinks they’ve buried him in the back garden and built a shed over him 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

englishrosi3 · 07/10/2025 12:32

Im worried now. Is there an update to this?

MyTwinklyPanda · 07/10/2025 12:45

Absolutely no harm in knocking round, they may all be poorly. You could ask if they need anything feom the shops. If nothing heard when you call round I'd recommend a call to the police for a welfare check.

Sez1990 · 07/10/2025 12:49

I think they’re either on holiday and closed the curtains so no one can see into the empty house, dog is either with them or in kennels. Or they’re ill with flu but less likely to keep lights off and have silent dog.

Maybe I’m a shit neighbour but the only neighbour I’d notice has gone on holiday is the one with a dog, and I’d assume they’re on holiday not all dead.

If you are truly worried then knock and then ask for a welfare check. But the police will just knock on the door, they won’t break in unless they have a reason to think something has happened e.g. sounds, smells, seeing something through window

BatchCookBabe · 07/10/2025 12:52

Sounds like they're away @Lynn981 They could have got a taxi to the airport or train station... If they're neighbours you have little to do with, they're not going to tell you are they? I don't tell anyone when we're going away, as I don't want to advertise it to the world and his husband! We only tend to go away for 3-4 day trips these days, 5 days tops, so by the time people realise we're away, we're back! IYSWIM.

Went away for 5 days a few years ago, (before we lived where we live now,) and some nosey twat reported us to RSPCA for leaving our cats alone, not fed, and to fend for themselves etc.

She was wrong. We had a petsitter who came in twice a day, fed them, changed their water, and spent 20-30 minutes with them fussing over them, and paying them attention. Stupid woman who reported us had egg on her face, as when the RSPCA popped to see us the day we got back, the petsitter was there. (We were due late afternoon, and she was seeing them one last time a few hours before we were due back.)

RSPCA officer told the startled petsitter that they'd been informed that the cats had been left alone for 5 days. She said 'well, you have been given the wrong information! I am surprised whoever reported it hasn't seen me. I've been here loads of times in the past 4 or 5 days.' The RSPCA officer just apologised, said they would let the 'informant' know, and then he left.

I know who it was, because another neighbour told me.

tl;dr sorry! Hope they're OK. (Your neighbours.) Have you got any news OP?

Namechanged555 · 07/10/2025 12:54

A neighbour of ours in her 60s or so quite fit and healthy and independent. She went away on holiday once and my ex husband called the police to check up on her. She wasn’t very pleased. He was a real nosey bastard!

sunflowersintheday · 07/10/2025 12:55

Namechanged555 · 07/10/2025 12:54

A neighbour of ours in her 60s or so quite fit and healthy and independent. She went away on holiday once and my ex husband called the police to check up on her. She wasn’t very pleased. He was a real nosey bastard!

Why on earth did he do that?

Namechanged555 · 07/10/2025 12:57

Personally I think he was virtue signalling that he was such a good neighbour. But i know he was just a nosey git.

Namechanged555 · 07/10/2025 12:59

Namechanged555 · 07/10/2025 12:57

Personally I think he was virtue signalling that he was such a good neighbour. But i know he was just a nosey git.

I mean we didn’t know her well enough to know she was on holiday we didn’t even know her name just that she lived on down the street. Then he noticed he’d not seen her about for a few days and called the police to check on her. She never looked us in the eyes again. I was just hoping she knew i had nothing to do with it.

Fangisnotacoward · 07/10/2025 13:01

Was it specified what the council were coming round for?

sunflowersintheday · 07/10/2025 13:02

Namechanged555 · 07/10/2025 12:59

I mean we didn’t know her well enough to know she was on holiday we didn’t even know her name just that she lived on down the street. Then he noticed he’d not seen her about for a few days and called the police to check on her. She never looked us in the eyes again. I was just hoping she knew i had nothing to do with it.

I don't understand why the police took him at face value? When I asked for a welfare check on someone, the first thing they suggested was that he'd gone on holiday and was staying with friends. I had to give other evidence about my concerns.

Namechanged555 · 07/10/2025 13:04

sunflowersintheday · 07/10/2025 13:02

I don't understand why the police took him at face value? When I asked for a welfare check on someone, the first thing they suggested was that he'd gone on holiday and was staying with friends. I had to give other evidence about my concerns.

It was a long time ago and he could be very persuasive. I've no idea what he actually told them.

brunettemic · 07/10/2025 13:16

LakieLady · 06/10/2025 23:37

CO poisoning crossed my mind, too. And it would explain the lack of sound from the dog.

Before the idea of them going away on holiday?

MyAmusedPearlSquid · 07/10/2025 13:29

I always have my curtains closed and leave a light on even when I'm away

ChicTealCat · 07/10/2025 13:31

Please go and knock on the door as soon as possible ! It is not a crime to be concerned about your neighbours.

Fabulously · 07/10/2025 13:35

How do you know they haven’t gone away for a few days?

Wordsmithery · 07/10/2025 13:40

I'm very surprised you've been spending time posting on here instead of knocking on the door. If something is actually wrong, time is of the essence. Go and knock right now, and look through the windows if no response. Speak to your other neighbours. Then think about asking the police to do a safe and well check.

ForJollyLemonZebra · 07/10/2025 13:53

My thought too