AIBU for thinking it was more than friends?

[Supercherry101]

So I had a party for my birthday and invited someone I’m interested in to the party. The whole party we were flirting back and fourth, they were talking about how they broke up with their gf as she was using tloml as a wlw accessory. After everyone left, we got closer and ended up cuddling and sleeping to billie eilish songs. When everyone was there, they grabbed my hand and held it, in a romantic way if you know what I mean. They also kept hinting at kissing me but we didn’t, and they looked into my eyes in an admiring way if u know what i mean. We woke up the next day and we were planning a date to go to an aquarium. I thought it was pretty obvious we were on the path to dating but they hit me with a text last night celebrating getting back with the ex. I was confused and said what about everything? They said that’s just friendly stuff. AIBU for thinking them speaking romantically to me, trying to kiss me, being physical and constantly complimenting me was more than friends? I feel so lost, what do I do?

OP, this person is messing with your feelings so they are definitely not the nicest, most perfect person you’ve ever met!

If someone is both genuine and genuinely into you, you won’t feel confused at all. Their words and actions will be crystal clear and no mind games will be played. This person is keeping you dangling, you’re an ego boost to them.

Now you have the opportunity to set your own boundaries and decide - what treatment/behaviour will you accept from others? Set your self-esteem to high, and don’t accept anything less than you deserve. Which is a hell of a lot more than this!

Like I said, I didn’t know how mumsnet was going to react to the girl and girl thing, I don’t use this often and knowing how my own mum is, and I see it’s not homophobic and I’m now saying she.

Oh please try and harden your heart op and cut this person off.

They are not perfect at all! Or amazing or nice!

They have messed you around and been flirty and led you on when their relationship was in difficulty, and then they dropped you like a stone once it was back on track.

You have been used I’m afraid. Find your anger! And please work on your boundaries and self-esteem before entering in to another relationship. We were all desperate to feel loved and special at your age - I hope that doesn’t sound condescending - I mention it because but that sometimes makes us vulnerable to users. But as we age, we learn to separate the wheat from the chaff a little better. And we come to realise that - no excuses - if someone wants and loves you then they will absolutely put you first as a priority and fight for you. No excuses or extenuating circumstances or exes complicating things!

This person is not your friend. They did not behave with integrity. Head up and walk away. Block them on your phone and sm. You deserve much better than this. Most importantly, do not entertain the idea of them coming back to you under any circumstances.

And generally work on being a little less available op. You are valuable and people need to demonstrate their sincerity and work a little to win you over.

And please don’t go changing your hair for anyone! Style your hair to suit yourself and find someone who likes you for you!

I’m truly sorry that you have grown up in a homophobic household.

However, I don’t really understand what you mean. Are you not proof reading your comments before posting? Surely you were aware you were referring to this “love interest” as both a he and a she. Stuff like that just doesn’t bide well on here. Most people genuinely want to give advice, but it’s hard to give advice to someone who comes across as disingenuous or a potential “troll”, AKA bored kid on the wind up.

Coming onto a parenting forum full of adults- using language and abbreviations that most adults don’t use is an also a massive red flag.

But if you are genuine and this is a real life situation then just block this girl. She is also immature. She isn’t your friend. She isn’t interested in you or pursuing you romantically.

Use your time to focus on proper friendships and making memories with your friends. Focus on your studies. Focus on hobbies you enjoy. Improve your self esteem and confidence before you start dating later in life.

You should probably stay away completely? Don't let this girl run you around. Think more of yourself.

Edit: wrong gender

Lesbians.

To everyone who has given me advice on this,

thank you! I genuinely needed the wake-up and I appreciate it. I’ve been told not to go back to her which I will be doing (meaning I’m not going back I didn’t know how to word that 😂) , she isn’t the ‘most nice and amazing person I’ve ever met’ but that doesn’t mean this isn’t going to hurt for a while. Also to those saying end the friendship, I can’t. We do explorers together and our whole friend group is connected, I’ll just stay pleasant towards her from now on. Again, thank you to everyone who has/is going to give me advice! Much appreciated from the confused teen :)

It’s not a kind way to treat a friend is it - they’ve led you on what ever way you look at it. I wouldn’t wait - they’ve done this to their friend and their girlfriend (you won’t know the exact time lines and whether they overlap or not)

Oh I’m sorry I didn’t mean to come across like that. I’m actually a real person looking advice, I’m not trying to come across as a troll nor did I know people did that here (that’s really pathetic on their part) and I’m now proofreading what I’m commenting, it’s not the same as TikTok here lol 😂

@FaceBothered why are you being so mean?

Sorry, are lesbians bad or something?

If this grown adult wants to pick on me and my situation, a confused teen, they can do so, it only reflects on them and how they think all teens fit into some evil stereotype. We are still people, man.

If anyone was paying attention they’d notice that OP actually started out using “they”. It’s only when other posters made the assumption and said “he” that OP started saying he. Totally understandable if you’re lacking in confidence that you’d go along with the assumption that we’re talking about a heterosexual relationship.

Oh my god thank you for understanding that. I seriously lack confidence to say it’s a gay relationship online, afraid I won’t get support but I’ve been proven wrong, thank youuuu!

Thank you so much ml, I needed to hear this :)

No. The previous poster said she didn't understand what the hell you were on about with the flip flop of he/ she /they. I merely clarified that the people concerned are lesbians and therefore same sex attracted and there is no" he" involved anywhere.

u do that ig

A lesson from an oldie here…..
Block and move on, if you see them again be polite but no more.
Do not chase as it never ends well and makes you look desperate.
If they are madly in love with you they’ll find you, if not they won’t bother.
ps you sound very sorry for yourself - don’t be, toughen up and get annoyed (not upset) if people use you - as this person did at your party.

Yeah I need to stop feeling so sorry for myself, thank u for telling me! :)

Ah, young lesbian drama, those were the (shit) days! Enjoy yourself, look after yourself, no need to commit to anyone.

You're in Scouts Explorers so you're 14-18? Maybe see if there is a safe support group for LGBTQ PoC young people near you. You're not the only one with homophobia family. If you're in London, look at the LGBTQ Community Centre.

My leader is actually trans I was considering talking to him and one of the other leaders who is also trans goes to my school in sixth form so I’ll consider talking to him too about support, thank you for acknowledging that!

OP. I have been on MN for over 15 years and I have never read anything homophobic on here. You can talk freely about who you are attracted to on here. Sorry you experience homophobia at home though.

You have had good advice on here. If someone is a good person and they really like you then there will be no doubt. They won’t leave you confused or go backwards and forwards to other people. It’s a good call to ask about this on MN because when you are young friends can give you bad advice. They don’t like to tell you ‘she’s just not that into you’ Added to which, song lyrics, films and books give the impression that relationships are complicated and involve lots of deep thinking and mystery. Really they are not. If someone is into you then you will know about it. That’s really all you need to know.

The person you are talking about isn’t that into you, if she finds herself free again she might start flirting again. But you’ve already found out she’s not a good person. So you’ll shut her down next time. Her, or anyone else who messed you around. Right?

So this is the deal -

They had split up with somebody and engaged in some low level flirting to take the edge of the sadness off. Unfortunately it meant more to you. They then got their ex back and awkwardly told you and restore history.

Please do try to find some cis lesbian/bi women who are PoC. Not all of the community understands the issues you're facing, even if they mean well.

He isn’t perfect - nobody is. And he chose his ex. Please don’t wait for them to break up…