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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to go to New York for honeymoon ?

98 replies

TillyScoutsmum · 04/06/2008 09:19

My first AIBU post - they scare me

Dp and I are getting married later this year and MIL has kindly offered to have dd for a few days so we can have a bit of a honeymoon.

A client of DP's has a fab apartment in Manhattan, New York and has offered to lend it to us (free gratis). DP is understandably very keen to go.

However, dd will be 18 months old and I've only left her for 24 hours before a couple of times (once with DP). I'm just not sure I'd feel comfortable being a flight away from her and would rather go to a really nice hotel in the UK (which frankly, will probably end up costing us a bit more)

Dp thinks I'm being very PFB about it and should just go to New York.

AIBU to want to stay a little bit closer to home, just in case ?

OP posts:

mumblechum · 04/06/2008 09:21

I'd go. I love NY and left DS 1 for a week when he was 18months (with my parents). Everyone enjoyed the week, no probs.

BecauseImWorthIt · 04/06/2008 09:23

Sorry - I think you are being ABitU!

18 months old is quite old enough to leave, and you are leaving her with her grandmother after all.

Unless you don't want to go to New York at all, which is a different issue, then I really think you should go. You deserve a honeymoon alone with your DP/DH!

moopymoo · 04/06/2008 09:23

not unreasonable, but go it will be fab and she will be fine. have a trial night where she stays with mil for a night while you stay home before hand. honeymoon is a special thing, about you and your partner (we got married with 2 small children already here, so i speak from experience) the memories you make will make your marriage and family stronger. letting a couple fo nights being just about the 2 of you is a good idea. imo!

belgo · 04/06/2008 09:23

I can understand both points of view. It would be a great holiday, but I'm also not sure if I would want to be a long flight away from my children.

SheherazadetheGoat · 04/06/2008 09:23

omg go!

rookiemater · 04/06/2008 09:25

A weeks a long time. We went away for 3 nights when DS was about 18mths and felt it was 1 night too long.

I can understand why your DF would want to go, but also see why you don't. Could you compromise and do both by taking your DD with you to NY and also doing a few nights in a swanky hotel ( or perhaps not so posh to cut the cost) in the UK on your own.

YANBU but nor is your DF, says rookie sitting firmly on the fence where its a bit uncomfortable.

cheeset · 04/06/2008 09:25

I'd go, gift horse and all that. I'd be a bit worried but if my dc's were with someone I could trust implicitly, then I would not hesitate.

Hassled · 04/06/2008 09:25

I can see your point of view and didn't go to NY for ages when I had the opportunity for the same reasons - being a flight away from DCs. But having said that, NY is so fantastic and you would have such a great time - whenI finally made it, I couldn't believe I hadn't been before.

When is the wedding? Do you have time to spend a couple of W/Es with friends away from your DD so you get a bit more used to the concept? HOw clued up and sensible is MIL? If your DD did become ill, are you confident that your MIL would do all the right things? If yes, then I think you should think long and hard before you say definate no.

Original poster

TillyScoutsmum · 04/06/2008 09:26

We're definitely going to have a few days away just the two of us. Its just more a question of whether I'd relax more being a couple of hours drive away, rather than a 6 hour flight away.

NY does look fab though

OP posts:

moopymoo · 04/06/2008 09:27

ok well ill go for you will you mil have my kids

belgo · 04/06/2008 09:27

New York is fab. And I wouldn't take a small child.

Agree with Hassled.

thefunkypea · 04/06/2008 09:27

Depending on how much later this year the wedding is, chances are you might feel different about leaving your dd for a few days, and view it as a great adventure for all three of you. I've left dd (who's now 18 mo) several times for 24 to 72 hours and there have never been any problems, and TBH the break is usually good for both of us (altho I am missing her right now, but that's another story). BUT if you really think that you won't feel happy leaving her, then stay locally and take a deferred biggie honeymoon type hol when she's a bit older. If you're fretting, you won't be able to enjoy yourself, when you should be having a totally fab time

BecauseImWorthIt · 04/06/2008 09:28

If you're that far away, tbh you will have to relax - which means you can enjoy being an adult again, with just your DH.

Agree, it's would be a good idea to have a couple of trial period away, leaving her with MIL - and gives you some more child-free time!

aPlum · 04/06/2008 09:28

it's nothing to do with PFB, it's about whether you're comfortable leaving them or not and also it depends on the child.

I left dd with (then dp) at 18 months for a week and felt fine about that but when we got married, we took ds2 who was three months with us and for our first anniversary when he was 15 months. Dh wanted to go on our own but I wasn't happy with it. We had a room with a little upstairs bit and it was lovely. Next year I think I will be fine to leave him.

cheeset · 04/06/2008 09:30

I think it depends who you leave the kids with, are they on the ball?

My MIL is completely on the ball, as she puts it, 'I wont let the rain fall on their head', mys sister is neurotically careful but my mother, OMG she would forget and leave them somewhere

aPlum · 04/06/2008 09:31

I think that's it for me too, I would worry about them with my mother for that long. If you are entirely happy with that aspect it makes a big difference. It's missing them rather than worry about them.

Original poster

TillyScoutsmum · 04/06/2008 09:32

Moopy - she probably would - she's fab

Wedding is not until November and we stay at MIL's quite often and they're great with her. DD's a bit of a home bird though and takes a little while to get settled somewhere. We'd definitely be there with her for the night before we go.

The guy with the apartment has said we could have it anytime, so I'm thinking I'd rather go another time - maybe in 18 months or so when dd is a bit older and can talk etc. ( second honeymoon maybe - although I hope dc2 might be around by then so it would probably be a few years down the line)

God - I was always one of those people who swore I wouldn't be like this - I was going to retain my independence and be exactly the same person as I was pre dc - ha ha ha !

OP posts:

Chequers · 04/06/2008 09:34

Message withdrawn

Love2bake · 04/06/2008 09:34

YANBU but you are CRAZY!!!

I would not even be thinking about it, my answer would be YES YES YES.

This could be a once in a lifetime thing - to stay in someones MH apartment, you should so go for it,

You DD will be fine with MIL. Make the most of it, as you only get married once!!!

If you decide no, could you ask if I could borrow the NY pad

P.S If you have never been to NY, it's fab and brilliant, and you will have the time of your life.

BecauseImWorthIt · 04/06/2008 09:34

Noooo! Don't leave it - it's your honeymoon, fgs!

You know you're being a wuss, don't you?

You will miss her, but she will be fine.

What does DP think about all this, btw?

2point4kids · 04/06/2008 09:36

go go go!

In 10 years time when you are looking back on your honeymoon will you regret not going on an amazing holiday to NY or will you regret not being closer to home 'in case' your DD misses you?

posieparker · 04/06/2008 09:36

I wouldn't have left my FC, or any at 18 months for a weekend especially with my MIL and not my parents. Tell him you won;t feel like getting it on whilst you are preoccupied about dd.
YANBU

Original poster

TillyScoutsmum · 04/06/2008 09:36

I am being wuss - I do know - honest

DP agrees I'm being a wuss (quite vocally which is probably why I'm pushing against it - awkward cow that I am )

OP posts:

barbiehouse · 04/06/2008 09:36

would you be honeymooning straight after the wedding? because i wouldn't go if you would be stressing about leaving your dd as it would probably spoil the whole event for you. I'm also very reluctant to go a flight away from dc, but having honeymooned in uk cos i didnt want to leave the dog (who was my PFB at time) i also have regrets about the honeymoon being a bit flat.

cheeset · 04/06/2008 09:36

MIL sounds fab now stop pondering go Google for things to do in NYC!

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