To not want to go to New York for honeymoon ?

[TillyScoutsmum]

My first AIBU post - they scare me

Dp and I are getting married later this year and MIL has kindly offered to have dd for a few days so we can have a bit of a honeymoon.

A client of DP's has a fab apartment in Manhattan, New York and has offered to lend it to us (free gratis). DP is understandably very keen to go.

However, dd will be 18 months old and I've only left her for 24 hours before a couple of times (once with DP). I'm just not sure I'd feel comfortable being a flight away from her and would rather go to a really nice hotel in the UK (which frankly, will probably end up costing us a bit more)

Dp thinks I'm being very PFB about it and should just go to New York.

AIBU to want to stay a little bit closer to home, just in case ?

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If you're worried don't go - also spending a honeymoon in a business related apartment? Better off in a splendid hotel somewhere else

I would go. But then we have been priming DD to be babysat since she was a few months old. A honeymoon really is a once-in-a-lifetime thing and it would be a shame not to take advantage.
Can you do as Hassled suggested and leave DD with MIL for a shorter period a couple of times before you go - to get them both used to it and iron out any issues when you're close at hand?

Also, tilly, you may very well feel utterly different in a few month's time! I don't know if your dd is walking yet, but by the time she's 18 months and you are knackered from trailing around after her and managing toddler chaos, a few days away from her may be exactly what you want. I know I would have fallen to my knees weeping with gratitude if someone had offered me a few days away from ds1 when he was that age . Hope you sort it out so everyone's happy and congrats on your wedding.

I would go. You will still be away from DD if you are only a short distance away. You are going for a very short time. DD will probably have a lovely time and so will MIL.

I would go..I totally understand the wrench at leaving your DD but as someone else has suggested, do a trial run. We went abroad for 5 days for my 30th when DS was 10m. I was utterly devastated initially, but he stayed with my parents and had a fantastic time.

Definately go!

can undersatnd your feelings completely YANBU.

I will only go Britain/short haul even if dh is looking after dd. Just don't feel comfortable being more than a couple of hours away from her.

Me and DH had a 2nd sort of HoneyMoon last year. We went to Boston for 5 nights and left both DS's aged 2 and 6 with my lovely sister. She has no kids, so she just moved into my house for the 5 days and kept the kids in their same routine. They had a great time with her, and were fine without us.

I was a bit worried about leaving them and flying all that way, but once I got there we had a brilliant time. So nice to go out and get tipsy with DH, and NOT having to get up early the next morning.

Once again, GO FOR IT!!!!

You're not being unreaonable as such but this is your honeymoon we're talking about. This is a great opportunity, a special holiday, important, your DD is 18 months, old enough to be left with grandma. Everywhere I turn there is a good reason to go and none not to. NYC is wonderful, you'll have a great time and Grandma will love having her and she'll love being spoilt by Grandma. Do it, do it, do it.

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Meant to say - we left ds1 with MIL and FIL for nearly a week when he was about 14 months and I did miss him, but he had such a blast, utterly spoilt in the loveliest way. MIL even made a little book with pictures and a story of "DS1's week with Granny and Grandpa" which I still love looking at and he loves seeing now. You'll be able to phone from NY and it's not that far away, it's not as if you are in Sydney, and what a fab place for a honeymoon.

I would love to go to NYC.

I say go for it, your dd will be fine with her gran

Tillyscoutmum,

Where is this anxiety of yours coming from, what's the root cause/s?. You need to address that properly before anything else. Its not unreasonable to feel anxious at all but anxiety can get out of hand very easily.

One day she will be going to preschool or school or you may return to work; you will then need to leave her with someone.

I would go, I left my dd with my best friend for 4 nights to go to NY for my 30th it was fab and she had a great time ! You will worry more before you go, once you are actually there you will enjoy it. Its a great opportunity Im very jealous !

I think that you will regret it if you don't go-especially if you go somewhere near by and then DD has a fantastic time with Gran.

Agree is MIL is 'with it' so to speak then go. I wouldn't leave my dog with my mum MIL was very with it in her day but is 87 now but still babysits as mine are older.

It's New York, not New Zealand. It's a great opportunity (fee accomodation) to visit a wonderful city. Grandma is babysitting.

I'm just not one of those 'oh but what if' type of people. I would have no problems leaving my DC to go to NYC for a honeymoon.

I don't want to live my life only ever being an hour away. When does that end and what does it ever really acheieve? If anything happened that was so bad I'd be on the next plane but she's likey to be safer under the watching gaze of a doting Grandma tbh.

I'm not telling you are being unreasonable, but really consider the possibility of going. It is a great opportunity. New York is fantastic.
You see, I always feel a bit apprehensive before leaving the dc. Me and dh have done so quite a few times, last year we went to San Francisco and were away for 7 days. I really understand the feeling of apprehension, especially the first time. But I still remember our first weekend without our first son (it was actually 36 hrs ) as one of the best weekend ever .

I wouldn't go. I couldn't leave mine for longer than a night at 18 months and I wouldn't.

We spent a night in a posh hotel after we married, it was a small affair but intimate and I was 34 weeks pregnant. We've never had a honeymoon.

I don't regret it either, not for one second.

You are statistically far more likely to have a car crash than a plane crash!
You wouldn't do anything if you did the what ifs! If you are not going until later in the year you could practise leaving DD and see how she gets on.

I don't think I'm an overly anxious person really and I know that if we were away in the UK, I would miss her, but it wouldn't stop me having a great time with DP and I wouldn't dream of cutting our hm short just because I was missing her.

I also know that the likelihood of anything horrible happening is very slim, its just that if it did, the thought of having to organise flights, wait for it, travel 6 hours (and then another couple from an airport) would be awful.

There's also a little part of me that would prefer a really relaxing honeymoon - lots of chilling out with room service, lots of time having massages etc. in the spa. Just a really relaxed break away from dd. I do wonder whether NYC might be a bit hectic.

Having said that - I have always really wanted to go to NY for Christmas shopping (we'd be there first week in December) and if we were running around doing stuff, I'd have less time to miss dd

Sorry for my contradictory rambles.... I'm just really torn

Thanks for the responses though - they have helped

kerrymum, do you live locked in your house permanently or do you summon the courage to go out once in a while? I'm worried about you, genuinely. Because I'm very apprehensive too, but I try to gently force myself in being a bit more optimistic, otherwise my life would be quite sad.

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