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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go to New York for honeymoon ?

98 replies

TillyScoutsmum · 04/06/2008 09:19

My first AIBU post - they scare me

Dp and I are getting married later this year and MIL has kindly offered to have dd for a few days so we can have a bit of a honeymoon.

A client of DP's has a fab apartment in Manhattan, New York and has offered to lend it to us (free gratis). DP is understandably very keen to go.

However, dd will be 18 months old and I've only left her for 24 hours before a couple of times (once with DP). I'm just not sure I'd feel comfortable being a flight away from her and would rather go to a really nice hotel in the UK (which frankly, will probably end up costing us a bit more)

Dp thinks I'm being very PFB about it and should just go to New York.

AIBU to want to stay a little bit closer to home, just in case ?

OP posts:
francagoestohollywood · 04/06/2008 10:15

Tilly, I think probably you need to decide what kind of holiday suit you best.
I know I'm a city person and would jump at the chance of going to NYC anytime. But obviously if you are a cozy hotel in the countryside with spa kind of person then go for it!!! or you could go to paris, it's only 3 hrs of train away.

francagoestohollywood · 04/06/2008 10:15

. I'm a worrier

GreenElizabeth · 04/06/2008 10:17

Go. It actually gets a bit harder to get away when the child is older and has a routine, and when you have two children it's harder still, and try conning anybody even a grandmother into looking after three children!!!

GO

expatinscotland · 04/06/2008 10:17

I hate cities and a 'holiday' in NYC is my idea of hell.

GreenElizabeth · 04/06/2008 10:17

When I say a routine, I mean really, their own schedule.

KerryMum · 04/06/2008 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tortoiseSHELL · 04/06/2008 10:18

I think you should go - NYC is fab! And IF there was some disaster, it is not the sort of place that is hard to get a flight home from!

Gogogogoogogogogogogogogogogo!

KerryMum · 04/06/2008 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 04/06/2008 10:20

As for leaving the daughter in safe hands, I'd jump at that chance! Give you both a much needed break and the grandparents will spoil her rotten and she'll love it.

Our parents would go on holiday every year and deposit us with my mother's parents and we loved it! We got to eat tons of sweets and they bought us all kinds of toys, let us stay up late, took us to do fun stuff, and let hte dog sleep in our bedroom.

Happy days.

AbbeyA · 04/06/2008 10:20

I think that of all the places you could choose then NY would be one of the easiest to get home from in an emergency.

Fennel · 04/06/2008 10:20

I was thinking that Expat, shopping particularly, not my idea of a honeymoon.

I would only go if you feel like it. New York won't go away. You can go another time.

I go abroad and away quite a lot, usually with work, but actually I am only really happy going a long way away if I leave the dds with DP. Because he's the only person who can cope properly with all 3 without it being too much, so I know they will all be absolutely fine. I don't like going away with him so much for that reason. but then we have only mediocre substandard grandparent options.

francagoestohollywood · 04/06/2008 10:23

I love cities, I find nature extremely overrated.

AbbeyA · 04/06/2008 10:23

My parents left me with an aunt when I was small and I had a wonderful time (spoiled rotten)-I was a bit disappointed when they turned up to take me home! I used to leave my DS when 18 mths with grandparents, both sides, and I was quite happy because I knew they loved him to bits and he loved them.

MargaretMountford · 04/06/2008 10:24

you must go - you'd be mad not to - dd will be fine !!!

expatinscotland · 04/06/2008 10:25

Cities give me panic attacks.

Even if someone offered me a free place to stay in NYC, I wouldn't go.

Original poster
TillyScoutsmum · 04/06/2008 10:26

Fennel - I'm the same - If DP had her, I wouldn't hesitate (although wouldn't be much of a honeymoon then )

I do love city breaks but I do think after the hassle excitement of the wedding and being the first chance to get some uninterrupted sleep, something more relaxing might be better. Would probably still not do countryside - looking at Hotel Du Vin in Brighton so we can still go out and get very drunk have a few drinks

Is the consensus that IANBU but just a little bit mad and daft ?

OP posts:
francagoestohollywood · 04/06/2008 10:26

lol. I tend to panic if i'm 3 blocks away from Milan's piazza duomo

Chequers · 04/06/2008 10:27

Message withdrawn

Chequers · 04/06/2008 10:27

Message withdrawn

schneebly · 04/06/2008 10:30

Ooh I would love the chance to got to NYC with a free apartment!

On the other hand the only time DH and I went away together alone was for 2 days to Paris when the kids were 3.5 and 2 and we spent half the time thinking/talking about them

cheeset · 04/06/2008 10:53

Not mad or daft, just concerned. I'd go before you have any more kids.

IMO, the concensus is you should go and no one is judging you for leaving your dc and that you are 'allowed' to go.

But should you go if you are going to be stressed out worrying?

Is the problem yours, is it your worrying that would stop you?

From what youv'e said, dc is safe with MIL.

Got to go out now, good luck and congrats on forthcoming wedding

BEAUTlFUL · 04/06/2008 10:58

I was like this, but I always relaxed once I'd actually dropped DC off. The drive away from my mum's house was like, "Woo-hoo! Par-tay!"

I think your relationship with your soon-to-be DH is vv important, and this would be a wonderful time for the two of you. Plus you can buy the coolest kids' stuff in NY.

Congratulations, btw!

Lucycat · 04/06/2008 11:00

How would you feel about your MIL coming to stay at your house if you say dd is a homebird - then at least she would be in her own bed, have her own things around her - and you know your house is 'dd proof' iyswim.

BecauseImWorthIt · 04/06/2008 11:05

But it will be completely relaxing because you will have your own apartment and will not have a small child to get up for and pander to!

It sounds to me, though, as if there's more than one issue here.

Given that your DP clearly wants to go to NYC and is happy to leave DD behind, you need to be very clear with him what your real issue is. Is it leaving her or is it the destination?

Lizzer · 04/06/2008 11:15

Awww TillySM,YANBU you're reminding me of me! I started a thread many many moons ago (about 7 years in fact!!) About not wanting to leave my then 18m old dd for 2 nights with grandparents so I know excatly how you feel BTW everyone on mn were fab and dd had a great time, hardly knew i had gone....

However, I will be in the same boat too this time next yr when ds will be same age for our honeymoon and i'm feeling apprehensive ALREADY

I think it'll be fine though, i really do...
congrats on wedding