I’m 26, and I’m not saving for a house or planning to move out

[WeCouldBeNice]

And apparently that’s a very unpopular decision amongst certain family members.

I have grown up always listening to my mum and grandmother saying that they regretted not travelling more in their youth. So I’m doing it, before I can have any regrets.

i work a job that pays just under £25k. Moving out would be miserable. I’d exist to pay my bills and nothing more. I am unable to borrow enough to even purchase a flat in my local area. So I’m spending all my money on travelling instead. Short trips. Weekends away and longer European trips next year.

my older brothers are horrified by this (despite both doing it themselves). They think I should be moved out and renting by now.

my dad turned round to them yesterday and asked if they wanted to ever see their daughters struggling and unhappy. They obviously said no, so he asked why they expected that of me. They couldn’t really answer.

theoretically I could take the money I’m putting into my travel savings each month and use it to save for a house. But I’d never get a big enough deposit to allow me to buy anything even anywhere near decent to live in. And I’d then be bound to a mortgage and never be able to do anything other than sit at home.

is it really that bad to do this?

People are bashing me now. That’s fantastic.

To the people criticizing me:

Why are people so hateful?

I'll channel my inner Xenia to say that people didn’t chose well paying jobs and careers so they could afford what they want and now live in agony, they should internalize their hate towards their own minds instead of hating others in forums.

They also share their online hate to their parents while gleefully waiting for them to pass away to inheritate in real life.

OP, from now on: Ask and chat to AI when having doubts in life. AI can help so much. Mumsnet is not a good place.

I have a license but cannot drive.

I guess that makes me half an adult 😆

Me too 😁

But the relationships were far progressed is my point. You don’t meet somebody and get engaged / married overnight.

OP, I suspect a lot of the consternation with your brother's and others may come down to terminology. Most people I know who went travelling in their 20's took a year or two out, lived, worked and immersed themselves somewhere. They then came back and got on with their lives, working, saving etc. i.e. there was a defined end-point to "travelling".

What you describe seems - to me at least - to be going on lots of holidays with no intention of thinking about the future. No-one is saying you should stop these trips, but possibly think how you can balance them with a bit of a thought towards the future.

Are you also focusing on career advancement? Or is it just a job?

Couldn't agree more.

People are not being "hateful" though, the OP asked a question on AIBU and it is disingenuous as she's loaded so she has a safety net. I personally have genuine sympathy for people in their twenties who want to move out of their parents' domain but can't afford it as it must be soul destroying if you want that freedom and independence but are in limbo!

As I’ve said again and again. I’m looking at promotions all the time.

Times have changed. You don’t seem willing to accept that.

A bit narcissistic isn't it, you think people have kids so that they can tell you stories about them. Equally, how original, tales of travelling, surely of equal snooze fest status! Finally, does anyone have dinner parties anymore!

What is childlike is the lack of any plan or desire for personal growth or independence.
It doesn’t matter how many properties the OP’s father has, it’s normal for a 26 yr old to want to strike out on their own.

But as I said in my post, if it works for them, great.

Children do work for a living, by the way, all over the world.

I thought that poster said they were 30 so not far off your age?

I and my husband lived at home until our wedding day. We had bought a house, did it up, decorated, new carpets, collection of cast off furniture. We still went back to parents every night.

But our wedding night was the first night we spent together. It worked for us. Was an adventure, a big adjustment too. We learnt together.

If OP's parents gave her such a privileged life, why wouldn't they have bought her a property?

I would still say that most people in their later 20s who have physical/romantic relationships are much more likely to not want to live under the same roof as their parents. I have had two relatives in my family who didn’t have relationships and neither were in a hurry to leave home. I did ask OP how she negotiates relationships and friendships within the confines of her parent’s house but she didn’t respond. I think it’s an important aspect in why someone would or wouldn’t want to leave home (regardless of their finances).

That's quite a conservative choice though, was that for religious reasons?

To infantalise her, who knows?

Yes but the point is you don’t want to leave home. I think at 26 that is quite unusual. Many people want to strike out independently at that age but can’t, but you have given the impression you’d be happy to never leave home. If I’ve got that wrong then what age do you have in mind for striking out on your own?

Well my parents wouldn't have wanted me living in sin. But they couldn't have stopped me. It was more convenient on his side. We could walk into and away from a building site. Go home, eat and sleep. OH and save money.

My aim has always been 30-ish. But right now I’m happy and after a decade of unhappiness that’s all I really care about.

Well me and my 3 siblings did this and didn't leave until early 30s once we got married or partners and started our own families. Been moved out 5 years but did exactly the same we all paid an amount each week and helped cook and clean and got to travel and it worked for us and our parents

In my friendship group about 50% of our DC have left home at this age so I don’t think being at home is unusual.
It’s the not saving none of us would tolerate, my two youngest are still at home (after moving out to go to uni) they are 25 and 27. They go on a few holidays each year and one has saved 30k and the other just over 100k in savings so I’m more than happy for them to continue to live at home for a few more years if they want to.

It makes me really sad. They’re too anxious. I did go abroad with a friend a couple of summers ago and had to talk her down from a meltdown when her roaming didn’t work. She was about to book a flight home until I helped her fix it.

I don't believe this.

My own adult children went backpacking to India, travelling across Europe, and interrailing with friends while at uni or shortly afterwards.

Your friends must be frankly, a bit weird, or they are not really friends and don't want to be on hols with you.

I hope you are at least contributing to your parents' utilities or even pay them a small rent.