AIBU to think this "wedding pianist" is unbelievably rude?

[Bamsmam]

We are getting married in April and have found a lovely venue which allows us to source music ourselves. I looked around options locally and they all charge a fortune for 5-6 hour packages which we don't really need - just someone to play a few tunes as guests arrive and during and after the ceremony, nice and quiet, nothing complicated.

A friend told me about a friend of hers who plays for weddings sometimes, not as a full time career because she does other music work too. So I got in touch with her, mentioned my friend's name, said what I wanted and asked for a quote. She came back to me with £220!! For a couple of hours piano playing! Surely this is money for old rope.

I wrote back and said I thought it was a little on the steep side and this is where the rudeness comes in. She actually messaged me back and said I should start taking lessons now myself and in ten years I'll be as good as her and can play for my next wedding! AIBU to think that this is extremely unprofessional and also a very unpleasant way to communicate with prospective customers?

I can’t wait to see what happens when the OP starts getting quotes for wedding cakes and photographers. After all it’s only a bit of sponge/fruit cake isn’t it with some icing bunged on and anyone can take a photo! 😂

@Bamsmam Well, its outrageous, OP! £20 would have been ample. Feel for you 💐

You were the rude one

She told the OP that she could learn to play herself at her ‘next wedding’. I.e her wedding wouldn’t last.

Why would she ask for “mates’ rates” when she’s someone else’s friend, not yours?
also mates rates should be people paying their friends a fair wage!

The fact YOU don’t get paid £220 for a couple of hours work is irrelevant - people get paid for their skills.

By all means take her advice and have some piano lessons if you think it’s so easy 😂

Well, realistically, OP won't be able to play at this wedding. It is in no way a "gutter mouthed" comment.

Sorry bit insecure because you called her out
No you made yourself look like a right cheapskate .not understanding how much wedding musicians charge .and she probably telling your friend the same.

I think it is hillarious...😆
She probably is fed up with people devaluing her work. My cousin used to have this until he got fed up and became master of irony.

Musicians get treated as though they should be grateful for the “exposure” alone and don’t need to pay the bills. Do you know how much training she’s probably had to reach this level? Hours and hours of practice every day for years.
She’s a professional musician and should be respected as such.

The problem is that you don’t value her work enough to pay the going rate but that is a reasonable fee.

I saw that, but it doesn't constitute a personal remark against her fiance? Why wouldn't it, for example, refer to the fact that OP will be divorced because of something she did, not him? And how does implying something like she might get divorced mean she's used gutter language i.e. swearing? I think I'm missing something.

Classic.
Good for her.

Maybe next time research how much professional services cost.

I assumed £220 per hour WAS mates' rates tbh.

Agog at how the OP doubled/tripled/quadrupled down on her twattiness with the updates, but actually her sheer ignorance of how musicians earn their money was more cringeworthy.

I love how easy it is to point at others skills and undervalue them, to suit your own pursuit. I’d have told you to f@@k off. Did you tell the caterers you only wanted soup and crackers and that should be £5 per head?

I think the op was getting emotional and trying to fling lofty-sounding insults. There was no gutter mouth.

You don’t charge your employer for work you’ve done previously but it’s called experience and you’d be paid more than someone who didn’t have it.

people who are in these types of jobs are self employed, don’t have a guaranteed income like someone who works for a company and they don’t get paid holidays or any other benefits.

You’re small minded and rude and I hope she warns any other local artists not to work with you.

Spending years to hone piano skills is no different from spending years honing skills for any other career.

Plastering is a skill. But anyone can learn it and there are thousands of them looking for work every day in every city.

If the skill you've honed is a specialist one and there aren't 2000 equally competent people competing for the same job, of course you can charge more for your services.

I’m not disagreeing with that? I just said I personally don’t like the trend of being rude to potential clients - I’ve seen it quite a bit on social media lately and while fair enough, I personally would have just said “no” and kept it moving. She’ll find someone less stingy than OP for sure.

Most plumbers are actually charging £100 minimum per an hour. The call out is usually £80 minimum and that’s for potentially 20 minutes in your house, plus the plumber training is really nowhere near as many hours as someone has put in to play piano and they’ve got paid for any of there on the job learning unlike the dedication of an instrument! Plus weekend call out rates are even steeper. Not sure what planet you are on but the price offered was actually a really fair if not mates rate price…

You are very cheeky and a bit rude expecting ‘mates rates’ from a friend of a friend anyway surely? £200 for a few hours playing is hardly a kings ransom - even if it’s only a 30 minute journey for them to the venue, and they only spend 30 minutes practicing the piece then they’re at, what, £50 an hour? Before tax. Not sure exactly how cheap you expect it to be! Who’s going to give up a morning or afternoon for less than £200/£250?

All you had to say was it was higher than your budget. You don’t get to dictate what a musician charges - their opportunities to earn a limited in the first place it’s not as if they are working 40 hours a week is it? Her response, after being provoked, probably was a bit unprofessional - but I think she knew you were never going to be customer, or the sort of customer it was worth having so I can see why they didn’t feel the need to justify their rates or get into a negotiation.

If her pricing is way off and unreasonable then you'll have no problem finding someone to do what you want for what you are prepared to pay. She possibly doesn't particularly want to haul herself to your venue to do such a short stint and has priced it at £220 to make it worth her while. You sound like hard work: nothing in her reply to you was "gutter mouthed". She was pointed and direct with you, that's all.

You are being unreasonable to expect a good musician to perform for 2 hours for much less than that (unless it was a friend doing it for nothing out of love or as a wedding present).

You are not being unreasonable to dislike the forthright response, which was offputting for a potential cloent.

Maybe the musician felt that, if that was your attitude, then she didn't want the gig?

I don't think you can really complain about her rudeness because you set the tone by being rude first. Why would you expect mates rates? She isn't your friend, she's never met you in her life. To her you're just a slightly snooty customer who doesn't want to pay the going rate.

Based on her arguments, op would be happy to earn minimum wage only in whatever job she does now and in the future because some other people have had training for there minimum wage jobs and that is what they get paid for their working day. There would be no opportunities for job progression but, well other people earn less for a full days work and they have education and training.

(Nothing wrong with minimum wage by the way, just pointing out ops nonsense, race to the bottom attitude) So it doesn’t matter how in demand your skill set is, (because, let’s face it, most people don’t play any piano, let alone to a high standard) you should earn no more that the op. There would be a lot less people training to be surgeons for a start, because why put the effort in to only get paid what the nearest cheapskate is willing to offer?

Or, is it just that op is a snob that places no value in arts and skilled labour based jobs. If music has no value op, you won’t miss having it at your wedding. You won’t need a dress either as that will have be made by a designer and a skilled seamstress. No need for professional flowers because somebody learned to arrange them. No need for a professional cake because someone learned to bake and decorate!

Love it, you dont pay for the minutes you pay for the hours of practice, skills, travel, equipment etc

I’m not quite sure she’s the rude one here…