AIBU to think this "wedding pianist" is unbelievably rude?

[Bamsmam]

We are getting married in April and have found a lovely venue which allows us to source music ourselves. I looked around options locally and they all charge a fortune for 5-6 hour packages which we don't really need - just someone to play a few tunes as guests arrive and during and after the ceremony, nice and quiet, nothing complicated.

A friend told me about a friend of hers who plays for weddings sometimes, not as a full time career because she does other music work too. So I got in touch with her, mentioned my friend's name, said what I wanted and asked for a quote. She came back to me with £220!! For a couple of hours piano playing! Surely this is money for old rope.

I wrote back and said I thought it was a little on the steep side and this is where the rudeness comes in. She actually messaged me back and said I should start taking lessons now myself and in ten years I'll be as good as her and can play for my next wedding! AIBU to think that this is extremely unprofessional and also a very unpleasant way to communicate with prospective customers?

You were rude and that’s not expensive.

You’re not a prospective customer, you’re just a cheap ass and she’s got the measure of you.

The entitlement of some people these days amazes me. Ask for a quote and get a reasonable one. Insult her by saying it’s too much money, she replies effectively telling you that you get what you pay for. Maybe she was a little rude, but you were first by questioning her rate and demeaning her worth.
Now 96% of MN think YABU and you still think you are right. You aren’t.
Have you ever used a cheap plumber (your example)? And then realised why they are cheap? They charge for their experience, knowledge, ability. The pianist is doing the same. If you want cheap, ask on Facebook community page for a student to play at your wedding but don’t be upset if they aren’t very good or professional because you get what you pay for!!!!!!

Having worked for myself for 25 years I am very much team pianist.

Don't be daft.

If a skill is in demand, and not many people have that skill, then people with that skill can charge a higher rate.

And comparing the hourly rate of someone who does 'piece work' with someone who has a full time job with all the security of guaranteed pay mon-fri, holiday pay, sick pay, pension and potentially other benefits is just unintelligent.

Have you even employed a contractor at your work? £110 an hour is not that high.

If you get paid to play music you are a 'professional musician'. I play the guitar and sing and have played at weddings before. £220 is definitely very reasonable in the current climate. I don't think her response was professional but you were being unreasonable.

I think £220 for pre-ceremony and ceremony music is pretty cheap actually. Suspect it's already been reduced to give a mates rate.
I used to play for weddings, in church and in other venues.
Meeting with couple, 1 hour minimum to agree music. Plus travel.
Liaise with church and/or venue about access to make sure instrument suitable (it's not always been tuned, for example). Again, at least one hour, plus travel.
If you're getting your ceremony videoed professionally, I have to sort out copyright. This used to double the fee under Royal College of Organists policy.
Then there's practice before the day.
On the day, I'm there an hour beforehand. I'll start playing around 30 minutes before ceremony starts time. Ceremony never ever starts on time. I have music for up to 50 minutes of pre-ceremony stuff. Then music during the ceremony and for you to process out to. I am usually at the venue for around 3 hours by the time I've got tidied up, stuff back together etc. Plus travel.
Without practice time, that's at least 5 hours plus travel. I have to factor income tax into my fee, also professional subscription, insurance, union fees.
I also, unless your ceremony is very early in the day or very late, and there is another booking at the opposite end of the day, cannot take on any more work other than your ceremony for that day. So yes, you are paying for a full day. When you consider the cost of photography, dress making, cake etc, a professional musician is pretty cheap all things considered.

Op , I cannot believe you expected ‘mates rates’ from a friend of a friend.

You were rude, and unappreciative of her skill. Her reply was to the point.

There's a guy my sister used for her wedding - Tinklin Lincoln. He was fantastic! If anyone has clicked on this and is looking for a recommendation.

She was rude but probably fed up of people devaluing her work

It's almost like that was the whole point of the thread.

There's also no guarantee that you could take piano lessons for ten years and end up good enough to be a wedding pianist.
I started piano lessons in my 30s and, after 5 years, just scraped through Grade 3 🤦🏻‍♀️
Maybe I could have got to Grade 6 after another 5 years but I doubt it.
So there's natural talent to be taken into account which not everyone has and obviously makes the pool of wedding pianists smaller.

Did you have other quotes to compare?
Her quote was reasonable.

Five years ago we paid 1500 plus food and accommodation for three hours.
You were so rude, you will have to source someone else.
Ideas ..
Local senior school that has orchestra might also have a couple of students who would play for you. Expect to pay at least 50 per hour per student musician and also travel, petrol and food.
Local town brass band.
Local church organist.

That’s very reasonable for a pianist, it’s not just a few before, during and after is it, it’s 2 hours playing let’s say, travel, and hours of preparation

YABU. That's dirt cheap

I have been viewing this thread in fascination at the OP's attitude and her determination that she is in the right despite the overwhelming majority of posters telling her SIBU. Part of me thinks this must be a wind up but then I remind myself that many people who are as ghastly as the OP seems to be, exist in real life.

Paying a pianist to share her art with the OP and her guests on her special day is 'money for old rope' it seems. I suspect the pianist was deliberately rude to get rid of her as she realised there was no way she wanted her as a client. I don't think there is much to be done with a cheapskate outlook like that.

Good for the pianist. The price she quoted wasn’t expensive, it was more than you wanted to pay. And that is a very different thing

Yes but next time i will try asking if they can miss out the consultation, products, wash ,dry etc and just change their allicated apot slots to a 15min dry cut. Oh and drive out to my house to save me the costed out % of chair rental. I will fully expect to be told to do one 🤣 same principle as the money for old rope pianist

She’s a professional musician and she’s worked hard to get there. You clearly have no idea how much it costs to hire such a professional and yet you insulted her by suggesting she was overcharging. It sounds to me as though you were getting a good deal when you consider she will have to plan the set, liaise with you, practice, travel to and from the venue etc. You were rude - remember, you’re not only paying for her time, you’re paying for her talent.

It doesn't matter that you think the price is too high (it's not). It doesn't matter that a few posters agree with you that the price is too high. The pianist sets her rate, not you. If you don't like it, good luck finding someone cheaper 🤷 It doesn't sound like you actually value, appreciate or understand the beauty of live music or the skill required to perform at a high enough level to be able to do what you're asking. In which case, you'll probably find a stereo and a Spotify playlist more in line with your requirements and budget.

You were shockingly rude to question her rate and to suggest she was charging too much was an insult. She responded in kind, and wasn't half as rude as you were.

You are being extremely unreasonable.

Better start getting your Spotify playlist ready now.

I certainly don't charge my employer for all the years I have done my job previously.

So you're still on your starting salary? That's weird. Pretty much everyone else in the world who gets better at their job through training and experience asks for more money to reflect that when they're promoted or move to a better role.

I remember being dumbfounded that people would pay me £250 a night when I started what was then a weekend hobby. 15 years of learning, practice and grafting later I'm regarded as one of the best in my field and charge thousands of pounds a time for my services. (Not a lady of the night, FYI, I'd probably still be on 250 for that!)

She's a talented musician and whether you agree with it or not, that does take a lifetime's work. Try booking someone who's been playing for 6 months, you'll soon see the difference.

Telling a professional musician - who knows exactly what the going rate is and what their own time is worth - that their rates are 'too steep' is rude.

Also 'mates rates'? Firstly you're not her mate and second, 'mates rates' are offered, not expected. You're supposed to support your 'mates', not lean on them for freebies. She probably was giving you 'mates rates', hence the reaction.

So… hours of her time “with a few tunes scattered throughout”, travel time & talent? £220 is a bargain & you’re the rude one low balling her.

While I dislike this trend of people being rude to potential clients, the pianist wasn’t wrong and also not that expensive. There’s far more absurd pricing going on.

This is the funny part though. If the pianist was a struggling musician desperate for a gig she probably would have done it for less.

She's obviously talented and in-demand enough to not need OPs money, so good on her for not suffering fools who presume to tell her what her time and talent is worth.

All you had to say was something along the line of 'Thanks, will discuss with partner and get back to you if going ahead' and then just not get back to her! Can also confirm this is cheap. We had a pianist playing during our wedding breakfast and he was £300 back in 2018.