AIBU to think this "wedding pianist" is unbelievably rude?

[Bamsmam]

We are getting married in April and have found a lovely venue which allows us to source music ourselves. I looked around options locally and they all charge a fortune for 5-6 hour packages which we don't really need - just someone to play a few tunes as guests arrive and during and after the ceremony, nice and quiet, nothing complicated.

A friend told me about a friend of hers who plays for weddings sometimes, not as a full time career because she does other music work too. So I got in touch with her, mentioned my friend's name, said what I wanted and asked for a quote. She came back to me with £220!! For a couple of hours piano playing! Surely this is money for old rope.

I wrote back and said I thought it was a little on the steep side and this is where the rudeness comes in. She actually messaged me back and said I should start taking lessons now myself and in ten years I'll be as good as her and can play for my next wedding! AIBU to think that this is extremely unprofessional and also a very unpleasant way to communicate with prospective customers?

Ok, I‘ll bite.

As well as the two hours at the wedding, actively playing, she needs to put together a programme, practise each piece, learn the pieces if you choose the music, travel to and from the venue, arrive early, liaise with you - and maybe the venue - invoice and declare the earnings. That works out as 12-20 hours work, not 2. Then there’s the small issue of the many, many years of practice and expensive lessons that have given her her playing skills.

And, she’ll need to play tax on those earnings and probably NI contributions. It’s a (side) job.

£220 would have been a bargain.

It was cheap and entitled.

It reminds me of a waiter I saw in France once who was clearing an English lady's table. She had scrabbled round in her purse and produced about three tiny coins - probably a total of about 65p - and put it on the dish by way of a tip for a large meal with a friend who had already departed the restaurant.

When the waiter came to finish clearing the table, he pushed it back towards her and said "This isn't worth the pain I feel it is costing you." And walked off.

She huffed crossly "He should be grateful he got a tip at all."

£220 total? Is very cheap. £440 total (220 per hour)? Pretty reasonable.
i know a few bands they generally charge £1k for 3-4 hours (evening do) at a wedding.
we had friends play for an hour at our wedding. We paid them£200 it was 9 years ago and very much mates rates.

If you hire someone with a skill that takes years of practice to perfect, you are paying for those years of practice rather than the time it takes them to perform the service.

But of course you are not obliged to hire them if you think they are too expensive. Your 'shopping round' should be telling you what the market rate is - if it's too much, find another solution. You could play the music of your choice through a speaker or you could look for something different altogether - a local up-and-coming live band who might be happy to take this gig for a minimal fee in return for the exposure.

Yes, she was a bit rude back.
But you were insulting first.

OP you seem bent on this 'wedding pianist' thing meaning they should be a 'nice' person with special characteristics- there really is no such thing. They are pianists who do weddings. And other stuff. Even if their website says wedding pianist, that is not actually their job, they have to do that so that when you search 'wedding pianist' they come up. They are a pianist.

This is a day assigned to your wedding only. If you think a musician regularly takes on gigs like a full time job (5 a week) you are absolutely kidding yourself. Because it is sporadic, unsociable hours, they can't easily have other side jobs except the teaching.

It is highly skilled and as a freelance day rate is less than many manual skilled trades.

But she isn't your mate so you don't qualify for mates rates. She is a friend of your mate who gave you a recommendation. And that could have saved you from booking an incompetent pianist. Did you also haggle with every other supplier you have booked (venue, catering, invitations, clothing, photographer, cake etc)?

This pianist will only cost a couple of tins of Whiskas, and will make your wedding memorable.

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/SrogOZtn7Gk

You somehow seem to think she should want to play for your wedding for ‘mates rates’ as if she gives a shit about it. She doesn’t and this is the amount you’d have to pay for her to show up and make the effort. £150 isn’t worth her while no matter that you think it should be. What your plumber charges is irrelevant, as is it only being two hours etc etc. This is what her time and effort is costed at and when you started pushing back on price you were rude and no longer a ‘customer’ she cared to deal with.

OP you seem bent on this 'wedding pianist' thing meaning they should be a 'nice' person with special characteristics

Yes, she does! Perhaps she is confusing them with the vicar or a priest!

I love the way she put "wedding pianist" in inverted commas! 😂It was just another way, op, in which your post was dripping with condescension - though obviously the "money for old rope" comment takes the cake.

You were very rude

my family work in this industry. As pp have said you are not paying her for the hour you are paying her for her years training and also time practicing whatever you want her to play. Also, how many weddings a day do you think wedding musicians can play? Usually it’s just one. By booking a pianist between say 2 and 4 pm you’re basically making her unemployable for the rest of the day!

also not sure why you think you would get mates rates for a friend of a friend

simply piano app is quite good for learning. Give it a shot and let us know how you get on.

No, she is not being rude. To her it is a talent she offers in exchange for money, and, as an artist, she has pride in her work? Do you play the piano? If not, why are you treating her like a convenience rather than as a musician? Good for her that she stands her ground. And, no, she is not being rude, just expressing the way she feels about your approach. You are one of the great self entitled wanting something for nothing.

How hard is it to politely decline by saying it’s out of your budgets reach? You were rude to her so she gave the same energy back. Maybe she’s sick of people whittling her many years experience and practice down as though it were nothing? She may not do that job full time, it doesn’t mean she’s any less talented than someone that does. Mates rates are for your mates, not someone else’s?

At the end of the day she isn’t going to play music for your wedding and then someone else’s after and someone else’s after that. The going rate is the going rate 🤷🏻‍♀️ whether you like it or.not.

Fucking hell mate, £220 for two hours of a professional pianists time is a bargain. What were you expecting to pay?

Even this guy charges over 200!

I don't think there's any point comparing a professional pianist's fee to the salary of a plumber/ train driver/NHS worker etc. What they earn is irrelevant. The pianist has a skill that the OP wishes to use. The others don't have that skill. You asked for a price. She gave you a price. You didn't like that price and were rude when you told her so. It's clear you don't respect her skills and talent because you see it as money for old rope. In which case find someone else to do it cheaper, but likely not to the same standard. As an aside, my 2 year old dgs would definitely bash out a few notes if you fed him strawberries and let him watch Mr Tumble on loop for a few hours.

@Bamsmam I have read the whole thread (most entertaining, thank you) but I cannot see where in her response she made a personal remark about your fiance, or was gutter mouthed? Did you miss out this detail? It might make a difference if so.

To be fair, she was rude to you after you were rude to her.’
Why did you assume she’d give you mates rates just because a friend recommended her. If I gave mates rates to every Tom, Dick and Harry that was recommended to me I wouldn’t make much.
She’s a professional musician - they come at a cost. You said that she doesn’t do weddings all the time as does other music work. People forget that to play the piano takes years of practise so why shouldn’t they charge accordingly.
You were a CF

You need to learn what the expression "gutter mouthed" actually means.

You also need to try and find any competent pianist to play at your wedding for the price you imagine they should charge. (It will be a very silent wedding.)

OP, I think the best solution for you is to hire a set of speakers and put on the Best of Clyderman for your guests.

Except wait, will you be able to hire the speakers for £100?? I’m not sure!

I get that it can sound unprofessional that she said that in a way. However, I do think £220 is more than reasonable for 2 hours playing the piano at a wedding.

@Bamsmam YABU.

If you want a pianist at your wedding you need to pay for:
Their skill
Their time - practicing & unsocial hours (weekend), potentially scouting out the venue beforehand
Mileage / travel

You are pissed off because she called you out for your stinginess & pettiness and she knows her worth.

Go and get yourself some other quotes from musicians who have decided to make the wedding sector their profession. I bet £200 will be very reasonable.

"Money for old rope" 🙄 Bloody hell.

Honestly, I think £220 was a really good quote for two hours of live music! I had a magician at my wedding - £300 for 2 hours - but he was brilliant and well worth it!

Indeed.
Mind you, she'd certainly think that about a peel of church bells...

1 She wasn’t a mate, she’d never met you before so why mates rates? Most jobs probably come from recommendations
2 Musicians have ‘other jobs’, that’s how they operate . you talk about this as if it is a hobby she should be grateful to be able to take part in
3 You have no respect for what she does ‘just a few tunes’

Yes she was rude in her response, probably sick to death of people thinking that her job is ‘money for old rope’

Hey Ho, good luck finding someone cheaper.