AIBU to think this "wedding pianist" is unbelievably rude?

[Bamsmam]

We are getting married in April and have found a lovely venue which allows us to source music ourselves. I looked around options locally and they all charge a fortune for 5-6 hour packages which we don't really need - just someone to play a few tunes as guests arrive and during and after the ceremony, nice and quiet, nothing complicated.

A friend told me about a friend of hers who plays for weddings sometimes, not as a full time career because she does other music work too. So I got in touch with her, mentioned my friend's name, said what I wanted and asked for a quote. She came back to me with £220!! For a couple of hours piano playing! Surely this is money for old rope.

I wrote back and said I thought it was a little on the steep side and this is where the rudeness comes in. She actually messaged me back and said I should start taking lessons now myself and in ten years I'll be as good as her and can play for my next wedding! AIBU to think that this is extremely unprofessional and also a very unpleasant way to communicate with prospective customers?

I'll add that I'm not a professional musician. I did a favour for my cousin because his FiL was terminally ill. (The elderly gentleman passed away two weeks later.)

The point I'm making is the amount of preparation involved.

Op, you were unbelievably rude and I actually think you should send an apology message to this pianist ( especially as she seems to be a friend of a friend?) Is your mutual friend not mortified? I got married over 20 years ago and we paid £300 for 3hours then so you were offered mates rates and more! I kinda like the piano player here...you dissed her and she responded in kind!

I genuinely feel sorry for your fiancé.

Mates rates? She’s not your mate though? Why would you give mates rates to a total stranger?

Good grief - that's a bargain! My niece sings and plays guitar at weddings - she charges double that and is inundated with work!

Omg ! Go tell aunt nancy! I have not heard that since probably 1983, wtf 😳 if I ever have the misfortune to marry again please come and play at mine.
I’d happily pay 220 for the aunt Nancy song, I’d have three blind mice as we face each other at the altar, and Londons burning as I walk down the aisle. Hot cross buns and Pease pudding hot for the reception fodder and kemptown races doodah as we walk out of the church.
need one more for the first dance…. Frere Jacques? Let me know what you can do, I’d be ever so grateful, my good friend @Bamsmam put me onto you , mates rates

This is one of the most embarrassing things I’ve ever read on here. Amazed the groom will be able to hear your vows with your head that far up your own arse.

In what way was she 'gutter mouthed'? Have I missed a post? Do you mean the 'next wedding' comment? It's certainly cutting, but I wouldn't call it 'gutter mouthed'.

She has got to get there too and travel back and rehearse.

How was her comment "gutter mouthed". Unless she said "for your next fucking wedding". It's only a figure of speech, she is not suggesting you will need another wedding, and realistically you would never be a professional piano player going from scratch leanring now to ten years later anyway.

If you couldn't afford it or it was more than you wanted to pay, then that was all you would have needed to politely say. But you tried to wheedle her down.

Good luck finding a cheaper pianist who is in any way competent.

Did you train for ten years for your freelance job out of interest?

The OP won't find a professional cheaper.

She will only find someone cheaper if she approaches students - and even students won't want to give up their Saturdays and have the stress of wedding playing for much less than £200.

So the OP and other posters that think that the pianist doesn't deserve their rate, because they don't get paid that much, need to blow the cobwebs off their CD players.

If your pianist's rates are unreasonable OP then you will be able to find multiple other professional pianists to quote you more favourably.

Do let us know how that goes.

I haven’t read the thread but just because she does other musical work doesn’t mean she’s not qualified to play for your wedding. Lots of musicians have to do a variety of things in order to make a living.

If you think she’s charging too much, surely you should just find someone else? There are comparison websites where you can find musicians of all varieties. But be prepared to discover that the original pianist is charging the going rate…

Bottom line: she wasn’t rude. You were.

"I was thinking maybe £100, £150?" Mate's rates ;)"
Just came to this thread. I am disgusted you even mention mates rates. This woman is a musician, what she quoted was reasonable and you were disrespectful.

220 is peanuts, not even worth getting out of bed for

I don’t think the price is ridiculous at all for a professional musician. What you require sounds like a 3 hr job at least including setting up. There’s a lot of prep involved before the day and also a meeting/consultation with you. If she doesn’t already have the music you want, she would have to buy copies which can be quite expensive when downloaded online from a reputable stockist. Is there a piano at the venue? If not, she would have to bring an electric piano which you would also be ‘hiring’.

You mention that she does other music work. That could involve something like giving private piano lessons. These can be around £50 an hour around here so she might have to rearrange them.

Just wow. YOU are unbelievably rude and well done to the musician who very clearly pointed it out for you. You have NO idea whatsoever!!!!

The pianist’s reply reminds me of a song that kept being used by artists and small businesses on tiktok - #it costs that much because it takes me fcking hours, it costs that much because I don’t have super powers, you need to pay for my skills because exposure doesn’t pay the bills, it costs that much because it takes me fcking hours#

Same sort of thing really - you aren’t just paying for the two hours piano-playing; you are also playing for years of experience, practicing/learning new tunes, and the skills.

Of course it’s not a full time career, because the number of weddings she could play at multiplied by the rate people like the OP are willing to pay is nowhere near enough to live on. That doesn’t make it a hobby she’ll do for peanuts.

I know we aren’t allowed to call out troll posts but meh I’m calling it.

Yes but she isnt earning this every hour in a 40 hour week. You were offering her, what? 3 hours?

Who the fuck is paying their mortgage on that?

Like I said before, you are so low rent its shameful.

You were shockingly rude to her, whereas she sounds wonderful.

She is a professional musician, and those are mates rates, else she's undervaluing herself; twice that would be more appropriate. She has a skill you don't have, couldn't even begin to have, you haven't a clue what it entails. Yet you feel entitled to suggest she's overcharging you. In hopes of what? An even lower price?

You insulted her expertise, and tried to bully her, and she stood up to you. Good for her! You are now badmouthing her anonymously on a public forum, so I think we can all imagine what you're spreading locally, with her name attached.

Why don't you tell us what you're spending on the various other elements of your wedding? Just so we're all crystal clear about exactly where you value the skills of a live professional musician, relative to all the usual wedding industrial cuntery.

I hope your fiancé sees this thread 🚩.

Gosh how much did you expect to pay her? 2 hours plus travel for a professional musician? I think what she offered was pretty cheap. Glad she knows her worth.

Unfortunately, I think that the OP is being sincere.

I've seen the same attitude from parents who expected my [former] staff to provide free tuition for darling children who had faffed around all year/and or been taken out of school during term time. (Usually after said children had failed their prelims/mocks after parents had ignored warnings that this was a likelihood.)

Some people are simply very entitled and do not place value on other people's time or expertise.

I’d say she knows quite a lot about you now actually, and your friend will be looking at you in a whole new light once she gets the update from her. Have you started taking piano lessons yet?