AIBU to think this "wedding pianist" is unbelievably rude?

[Bamsmam]

We are getting married in April and have found a lovely venue which allows us to source music ourselves. I looked around options locally and they all charge a fortune for 5-6 hour packages which we don't really need - just someone to play a few tunes as guests arrive and during and after the ceremony, nice and quiet, nothing complicated.

A friend told me about a friend of hers who plays for weddings sometimes, not as a full time career because she does other music work too. So I got in touch with her, mentioned my friend's name, said what I wanted and asked for a quote. She came back to me with £220!! For a couple of hours piano playing! Surely this is money for old rope.

I wrote back and said I thought it was a little on the steep side and this is where the rudeness comes in. She actually messaged me back and said I should start taking lessons now myself and in ten years I'll be as good as her and can play for my next wedding! AIBU to think that this is extremely unprofessional and also a very unpleasant way to communicate with prospective customers?

A paper and comb would be quicker.

I wouldn’t be surprised it 220 was mates rates

I suspect 'mates rates' are a particular problem for self-employed women. I once asked a very impressive schoolgate friend, who owns a firm of solicitors, if she could do some legal work. She said yes of course, but she was overcommitted so would allocate another solicitor. She apologetically said this meant she couldn't offer mates rates.

I was a bit taken aback that she felt she had to say this, then thought she probably does all the divorces and conveyancing for every family in that school and most of them drop hints about mates rates. I didnt even know her that well. I live in an affluent leafy suburb, and rather think that more of us could be supporting women's businesses rather than trying to get them to subsidise us.

As a retired wedding pianist, that's pretty cheap. If you can't afford a live performer, don't hire one. You can easily just play recorded music. I was charging 300 10 years ago. For wedding event with 4 hours playing and 3 x15 minute breaks. This would usually be in an expensive hotel style venue, so my fee was a drop in the ocean. The wedding industry is cost-inflated. That same setlist at a restaurant on a Friday night only cost 200. But weddings come with their own extra issues (drunker guests, more requests, people expecting the best day of their lives etc.)

A pianist's rate for two hours of work varies significantly but can range from approximately £150 to £400 or more in the UK, with costs depending on the type of event, the pianist's experience, travel, and the specific requirements of the gig.

I really don’t think you get the whole part-time skilled musician thing.

She wasn’t rude, you’re just cheap and entitled.

Definitely team pianist.

Wow - 97% of votes say OP is being unreasonable - and yet she still argues - as a previous poster said, why on earth did she ask?
OP thinks the pianist's reply was an "unpleasant way to communicate with prospective customers" - doesn't she realise the pianist had probably decided she didn't need a bridezilla customer like that?

There is nothing wrong with negotiating if you do it in a polite and respectful way:

Thats a bit outside my budget. Could you do it for £XXX please?

When people come into one of my online shops demanding a 50% discount as of a right I quickly promote them to my blocked list.

That sounds great value for a pianist. She has a great skill and you totally undervalue it. And I say that as someone who does not play an instrument. Plus she is not " your mate" so " mates rates" is unprofessional.

It actually is, when you start to look into it the entitled scrounger of an OP was being offered a very good rate indeed.

You're not a prospective customer. You were just trying to get someone on the cheap.

Right. It is NOT rude to refuse to tolerate rudeness. Some people seem to think that in order not to be rude you must be respectful to disrespectful people - but that's completely wrong.

I always think of whether it would pass the reasonable person test, which asks "what would a reasonable person having access to all the facts consider to be appropriate".

Any reasonable person would understand that the professional pianist was insulted by the rudeness offered by the OP, and is probably really sick of scroungers trying to haggle with her like street merchants, and so she responded slightly sharply and with humour.

So that's not rude, it's just not being a pushover and it's putting a rude woman in her place.

If the pianist had told her to fuck off, that would still be understandable, but I think most reasonable people would then say "yeah, a bit uncalled for and rude".

I absolutely and totally disagree that the pianist was rude at all. I think her response was excellent, and only the rude, scrounging OP would be offended by it.

May I politely ask what you do for a living?

I actually love that she responded that way.

I think she sells pots and pans in a flea market, which is why she thinks it's ok to coarsely bargain with professionals when you approach them to ask for a quote.

Amazing value, and why would you expect 'mates rates' when she is not a friend? As with any self employed, skilled/talented professional, you are paying for their years of training and other overheads, not just 'a couple of hours'. Maybe pay for the wedding you can afford or just chuck some money at a hobbyist musician who as scraped through grade 5 and has no experience of playing for an audience, managing the demands of paying clients and also dealing with/being adaptable with changing demands on the day and keeping things as stress free as possible for you . I suspect this is a joke, if not I really feel for any one involved with your wedding. You have made yourself look incredibly stupid and disrespectful.

Why do you keep writing "wedding pianist" in inverted commas?

Maybe that's why 'money for old rope' - OP already took on the bellringers, and lost 😆

Right. If she had managed to haggle the professional pianist down to tuppence ha'penny, or whatever she was willing to pay, she would have told absolutely EVERYBODY she had a professional pianist booked for the wedding.

Why are people still thinking that she is paid $220 per hour? They don’t seem to understand that for her to get to the point where she is ready to play, they have to accept that this price includes the practice hours and preparation, travel and clothes, hair, makeup, etc. Nobody of any worth just shows up and wings it.
Why do you decide what someone else’s time is worth? You clearly have no clue about what is involved.

Plus, it was actually for "about two hours" of church time, which doesn't include being there before the service to set up and after to remove the equipment - hire of which is also included as part of the price.

OP was trying to back pedal to an hour after she realised she was being smashed in the comments 😅

Where exactly has she been ‘gutter mouthed’ though @Bamsmam ?! I think you’re trying to make what she (reasonably, IMO) replied with sound worse to justify your unbelievable cheek and nerve.

Also, hour for hour this is astronomical. But that’s not how it works in this, or any entertainment industry as you well know. It’s perfectly normal for event performers to charge higher rates as they do only work very ad hoc hours. If you don’t like this then don’t book them - it’s simple really.

I also loved the part where you said ‘it’s a nice venue and we are nice people’ - what’s that got to do with how much she charges?! Is there a ‘nice venue nice people’ pricing structure I’ve been unaware of my whole life?!

You really are the gift that keeps on giving 😂

Well, she's doing well and senses you're not going to hire her, and felt a little snippy.

So what? Not worth an AIBU poll.