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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you pick up a child that wasn’t yours?

92 replies

mammabing · 05/10/2025 15:58

Looking to see what the general consensus on this is.
Earlier this morning I was at the park with DS2 pushing him on one of the swings when a little girl around 6 or 7 came over ‘carrying’ her younger sister (I say ‘carrying’ as she had her under the arms kind of dragging rather than a normal carry). Her sister was around 18-24 months.
The little girl attempted to lift her sister into a swing but couldn’t. She then politely said “excuse me, can you help?”. I asked if her mum or dad were about as I wasn’t sure how they’d feel about a stranger picking up their toddler but she said “no”. Before I could say anything else she lifted her sister again and managed to get her in without a problem.
My question is, is it ever acceptable to lift a child if they’re not your own or without permission? The older girl was so polite asking but I felt kind of weird about it seeing as there was no parent around to ask. I’ve helped a child off a climbing frame when he was stuck once but that seems different for some reason. Plus he was full on sobbing so seemed cruel to leave him dangling!

YABU - help the kid out!
YANBU - don’t lift children without parental permission

OP posts:
QueenClinomania · 05/10/2025 16:00

Yes i would have helped.

BCBird · 05/10/2025 16:01

It's a shame that the world has gone mad that we now worry about helping a child. Common sense needs to prevail.

Whoevenarethey · 05/10/2025 16:02

No I wouldn't have been keen on helping unless I could see a parent/carer and perhaps understand why they weren't helping. It frustrates me the number of parents who sit in the park on their phones and not helping their children if they need it, leaving other adults to entertain them.

beckaellen · 05/10/2025 16:05

Was it a special toddler swing that has the bar across or a regular swing? Seems like if the 6/7 year old couldn't lift her sister and you did it instead then there's a small chance the toddler could at some point fall/get injured. But to answer the question, in a different situation, like the climbing frame, I also would lift a child without parental permission.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 05/10/2025 16:06

In that scenario I wouldn't have hesitated.

coxesorangepippin · 05/10/2025 16:07

Yes I'd help out

OSTMusTisNT · 05/10/2025 16:09

Probably not as i would then feel obliged to supervise the baby/toddler until the parents appeared just incase the older sibling was shoving the swing too hard.

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 05/10/2025 16:11

I would have helped but where the fuck are the parents?

Original poster
mammabing · 05/10/2025 16:12

@beckaellen Yes a normal toddler swing with the bar across.

My instinct was to help but at the same time I didn’t really want to get an earful from a parent. Not only for picking up their toddler if they didn’t want me to but also for if she got hurt while her sister was pushing her.
Really don’t understand why they were unsupervised tbh.
To add more info the little one didn’t seem particularly interested in the swing once she was on it. It seemed more like entertainment for the older one as she was pretending to play mum. She was very sweet.

OP posts:
Whatshesaid96 · 05/10/2025 16:13

I've only ever stepped in once when a child slipped and I caught them as they fell. I was closer than the parent and my natural reactions stepped in. I apologised to the parent but they were quite thankful as they were too far to have got there in time. I'd normally never intervene and have on several occasions told kids to ask their adult. If one isn't in sight then tough. It's so easy to be accused of things.

TwinklyWrinkly · 05/10/2025 16:15

I wouldn't hesitate to step in to help a child that seemed in trouble like in your climbing frame incident. However, I think I would have asked the older child where her parents were. Simply because, if she can't get the child in the seat, how would she get them out without them dragging them and possibly injuring them in the process? I'd feel obliged to hang around and make sure they were okay if they wanted to leave again. If she said they were just coming and pointed to people heading our way, then yes, I'd have helped as they could help get the child out again.

Trickabrick · 05/10/2025 16:16

TwinklyWrinkly · 05/10/2025 16:15

I wouldn't hesitate to step in to help a child that seemed in trouble like in your climbing frame incident. However, I think I would have asked the older child where her parents were. Simply because, if she can't get the child in the seat, how would she get them out without them dragging them and possibly injuring them in the process? I'd feel obliged to hang around and make sure they were okay if they wanted to leave again. If she said they were just coming and pointed to people heading our way, then yes, I'd have helped as they could help get the child out again.

This would be my approach too.

Original poster
mammabing · 05/10/2025 16:18

@TwinklyWrinkly The older sister ran off leaving the little one on the swing and came back with her mum to get her sister off. I’d already decided I’d help her get out if she tried herself because it just seemed too dangerous.

OP posts:
mumofoneAloneandwell · 05/10/2025 16:26

I would've looked around for the parents to acknowledge them and then bent down to help

That said, you can't be too careful so I fully understand your hesitation x

arcticpandas · 05/10/2025 16:28

I always help kids out without a thought. I wouldn't put a toddler in a swing though because that would mean supervision and parents need to give their approval.

Yourlifeinyourhands · 05/10/2025 16:32

Yes always.
I can’t imagine someone who lets their young daughter look after a baby would care!

Flakey99 · 05/10/2025 16:36

No, in that scenario, I’d be asking where her mum was and looking for a parent or adult in charge.

If the toddler fell out of the swing, you’d be held liable!

InSpainTheRain · 05/10/2025 17:27

No I would not step in to help. People are obviously protective and sometimes over-protective of their kids, so I would never interfere. If you don't touch another person's child you can't be accused of anything, if you do pick the child up you probably won't be accused of anything but you could be. That's my reasoning.

Clockface222 · 05/10/2025 17:31

I have a rule where I would help a child to get off equipment but not to get on as in the case of the latter I would be responsible for their safety.

Jealese · 05/10/2025 17:32

No, that's the parent's job (or other carer who must have been there looking after them). Annoys me when a parent takes their kids to the park then sits on the bench for a gossip or are absorbed in their phone and leaves young kkids to their own devices, expecting random parents to take on a parent role.

BoredZelda · 05/10/2025 17:34

I’d have told her if she couldn’t lift the child into the swing she’s too little to play with the child on the swings and to go and get her mum.

EchoedSilence · 05/10/2025 17:35

Of course I'd help.

CinnamonBuns67 · 05/10/2025 17:53

I understand the hesitation but I'd have helped and if parent had a problem with it I'd have told them if they didn't like it they should look after their own toddler instead of putting the burden on a young child and that they was quite lucky I was a decent person who looked out for their children/not someone who would harm them.

Vaguelyclassical · 05/10/2025 17:59

Whatshesaid96 · 05/10/2025 16:13

I've only ever stepped in once when a child slipped and I caught them as they fell. I was closer than the parent and my natural reactions stepped in. I apologised to the parent but they were quite thankful as they were too far to have got there in time. I'd normally never intervene and have on several occasions told kids to ask their adult. If one isn't in sight then tough. It's so easy to be accused of things.

You apologized for catching a small child who was falling?
Your post is one of the saddest I've read in this many a day.

Chiseltip · 05/10/2025 18:09

I'll bet if it was a man helping your child into the swing you'd all have a different opinion . . . .