Would you pick up a child that wasn’t yours?

[mammabing]

Looking to see what the general consensus on this is.
Earlier this morning I was at the park with DS2 pushing him on one of the swings when a little girl around 6 or 7 came over ‘carrying’ her younger sister (I say ‘carrying’ as she had her under the arms kind of dragging rather than a normal carry). Her sister was around 18-24 months.
The little girl attempted to lift her sister into a swing but couldn’t. She then politely said “excuse me, can you help?”. I asked if her mum or dad were about as I wasn’t sure how they’d feel about a stranger picking up their toddler but she said “no”. Before I could say anything else she lifted her sister again and managed to get her in without a problem.
My question is, is it ever acceptable to lift a child if they’re not your own or without permission? The older girl was so polite asking but I felt kind of weird about it seeing as there was no parent around to ask. I’ve helped a child off a climbing frame when he was stuck once but that seems different for some reason. Plus he was full on sobbing so seemed cruel to leave him dangling!

YABU - help the kid out!
YANBU - don’t lift children without parental permission

This is unfortunately true - I've noticed that since my boys became too old to want to play in the playground themselves they've instinctively understood this and will usually alert someone else to a child needing help, where when they were under about 12 they'd have set a toddler back on his or her feet or lifted them down from a tree/ climbing frame if asked. A few months ago my 14 year old ran towards the sound of a child wailing right on the edge of a lake we live near and then stepped back and shouted to me to come and pick the child up, having seen he wasn't in imminent danger (in fact the child's mother arrived on a bicycle with baby on a child seat a second later and I ended up holding the bicycle instead).

I wouldn’t help purely because I’d have been worried the toddler might get hurt when they come to get out the swing. I’d have encouraged them to get a parent.

I have picked a lost toddler up and looked for parents/ a member of staff before.

Why would you have a problem touching a child?

I might have hesitated if I thought that what the sibling was asking me to do was not safe for the child, but I would have had no problem touching them.

We had a similar situation once, my Dad was with us in quite a busy park, we were altogether with my two daughters and a very little toddler came hurtling down a slide that was too big for her, and my dad caught her, she would definitely had a nasty landing on the concrete etc
The mother went absolutely nuts, don't you touch my f-ing child, it was awful. My dad was mortified, he literally caught her and stood her up, out of genuine concern. I felt so bad for him but that mum was in a big group (and they were drinking, so maybe that something to do with it) and so we just left the park, but it was so unpleasant. It's just instinct though isn't it? I would have done the same?! I often wonder if I should have stuck up for him but she was quite intimidating.
So now I would hesitate to help a child tbh, I probably would have said sorry but you need to find your mum/dad and have them help you

Somewhat different situation but I had two boys last week about a quarter of s mile from my house and one of their bikes was broken. I tried to fix it on the street but couldn't and they were maybe 2 or 3 Miles from home so I offered to mend it at my house. I was very careful to make sure that I said they and the bikes should stay on the street and that I would get my stuff to fix it and come into the front garden and sort it out there. I offered that they could ring their mum if they wanted. Anyway it was all gone, I mended the bike, they zoomed off and no one turned up on my doorstep to shout at me.

I had really mixed feelings, because I absolutely felt that the right thing to do was mend the bike, but I also felt like asking small kids (I don't think they can have been older than 10, I'd have guessed 9) back to your house sounds super dodgy.

Sadly there will be people who will claim you are interfering with their child. DH once saw a child crying and couldn't get down, I was dealing with our own children. He came over and told me rather than intervening. I ended up asking the kid if he was OK and getting him to point out his parent. His mum was so far away with her back to him on her phone that she would never have heard him. I ended up getting her attention and the look of disgust that I'd interrupted her call, poor kid.

Why? That would be plain stupidity.

I would put up with being shouted st rather than watch a child be hit by a car.

I understand...

We'll done on saving the kid from potential injury...

But its unrelated isn't it? ... Daft parents #1 - ungrateful, me in similar situation ?

I was hugely relieved when a 50 something bloke grabbed my small nephew who broke away from my hand and turned into Usain bolt close to a major road and I couldn't reach him in time!

The point I was trying to make (apparently unsuccessfully, judging by the replies I'm getting) was that if I get abuse hurled at me for grabbing a child to potentially save their life / prevent serious injury, I'm sure as heck not going to touch anyone's kid for something as unnecessary as helping them into a swing.

That is can agree with! Thanks for clarifying.

I've only done it when there was a risk of injury or something. I scooped a toddler that had run away from her dad, down the slope I was sitting on straight at a pond. But otherwise I wouldnt

@TheFiveLakes

Just wanted to say that your sons sound like very nice, responsible boys. :)

I'd be trying to locate the parents really because if she's struggling to lift the little one into the swing, how's she going to lift them out again safely? Seems a bit risky.

I really hate the fact that a small number of people who do awful things have meant that everyone else second guesses themselves instead of just being able to help in what should be a totally uncontroversial way. On top of the effects of the abuse it's damaging to society to make us less likely to help each other.

Yes I’d have helped without overanalysing the what ifs.
But that’s how I tend to live my life.

Yes, I think this is where I stand too.

I was at the playground a while ago, me and my child, a dad and his child and a random girl (parent not in view). She asked the dad to lift her off the climbing frame, and he looked around in panic. Caught my eye so I went over and lifted her off. I can understand why he was so hesitant to do so.

I have and would again. I always ask, even a toddler if they'd like help but I'm happy doing it.

I would have lifted the child off if necessary but not on. You dont know if they are allowed on the swing.

I'm a dad and I've picked up loads of random kids and put them onto play equipment. Also a while ago I picked up a toddler who was having a lying down tantrum next to a busy road. The mum had got fed up with her and walked on ahead. The kid was pretty surprised and stopped crying at least. Never had a parent tell me off yet.

Ha, this happened to me with the child of a well-known celebrity / actor. We used to go to this pub because it had a lovely play area and the food was good. Celebrity & her husband (also an actor & erstwhile pop star wannabe but less well-known) were often there at the same time & we both had DS about the same age & they played together. The funny thing was that they only sat in the window overlooking the playground and never played with or supervised the child. One day he got ‘stuck’ at the drop of a fireman’s pole and asked me to help him get down, so I did. Celebrity flew out, didn’t say a word to me, but remonstrated with her poor DS for needing help and not waving to her or daddy. My DM was with us and remarked that the celebrity was all show and clearly had no real interest in parenting. A few years later the very same person apparently had her DCs removed by SS!

Not in this situation as the parents should have been there with a child so young and the elder sister may have struggled to get the baby out again and caused an injury then.

I would help a child off a climbing frame but not onto one

You did the right thing if the child was about to fall of course you would catch them. I’m a childminder and never touch another child without asking a carer unless they are going to come to harm without me stepping in.