Would you pick up a child that wasn’t yours?

[mammabing]

Looking to see what the general consensus on this is.
Earlier this morning I was at the park with DS2 pushing him on one of the swings when a little girl around 6 or 7 came over ‘carrying’ her younger sister (I say ‘carrying’ as she had her under the arms kind of dragging rather than a normal carry). Her sister was around 18-24 months.
The little girl attempted to lift her sister into a swing but couldn’t. She then politely said “excuse me, can you help?”. I asked if her mum or dad were about as I wasn’t sure how they’d feel about a stranger picking up their toddler but she said “no”. Before I could say anything else she lifted her sister again and managed to get her in without a problem.
My question is, is it ever acceptable to lift a child if they’re not your own or without permission? The older girl was so polite asking but I felt kind of weird about it seeing as there was no parent around to ask. I’ve helped a child off a climbing frame when he was stuck once but that seems different for some reason. Plus he was full on sobbing so seemed cruel to leave him dangling!

YABU - help the kid out!
YANBU - don’t lift children without parental permission

Once upon a time I wouldn't have thought twice about it, but a few years ago I got absolutely yelled at by a mum for grabbing her kid's coat to stop him running into a busy city centre street (he was about a foot away from the kerb, and she was on her phone too far away to have any hope of catching him). So I'm rather reluctant to help other people's children now !

Yes, this is what matters. I’m not going to take a small child’s word that the smaller child is safe on the swings with her. If the smaller child falls off the swing, I’m the one who put them there. I wouldn’t expect the parents to be happy about that. I’m not sure I’d let them out of the swing either, for all I know the parent has said to the small child “you push your brother on the swings, I’ll be back in a minute, don’t take him out”

But to answer the question that’s being asked, of if I saw a child hurt or in danger and they needed picked up, of course I would do it.

It’s ridiculous you would rather not be shouted at by a parent than stop a child being hurt.

I would've years ago but not now. I'd obviously still help in an emergency. I've read too many posts on MN about boundaries and other people's kids.

Of I would have helped

I have twins - when they were younger a park visit probably didn’t go by without someone helping one of them by picking them up etc and I never minded. Happened last week too a lady helped one who’d got stuck on the climbing frame as she saw I was clearly in the middle of sorting a drama out with the other one. The world has gone a bit mad if people are really concerned about this

Yes would do and have done

I would have done it without question.

My DH is always very hesitant about helping other people's children though, understandably.

A stranger once helped my friend's toddler down from a seesaw and she grilled her afterwards about exactly where the man touched her and if he said anything afterwards. Her reaction was absolutely bonkers, so I completely understand why some people are reluctant to help.

If a father was at the park with his children I wouldn’t give it a second thought if he lifted a child into a swing.

I wouldn’t help into a swing, only because I’d then feel responsible for making sure they’re ok. But I’d help if they had trouble getting off a piece of equipment etc.

I do at various playgroups if they have a tumble but I usually know their mums and them.

I've done it once in public where I didn't know the child- about 2 and came bombing down a hill on a scooter with no parent in sight. He fell at a pothole and was crying and I picked him up from the edge of the road for safety. His mum appeared quite quickly and said he'd got away from her but she wasn't annoyed.

I guess it would be different if I was a bloke, awful to say.

Ideally I wouldn't want to be responsible for lifting the toddler in, because if they then tried to climb out and fell, I'd be responsible. I think if it was a lone toddler I wouldn't and hope they got board of trying and went to play on something else (usaly playgrounds are designed so if they're big enough to get onto it, they're big enough to use it safely). However, I also wouldn't be comfortable leaving the 6yo to lift them in, for fear they would drop them.

On balance I probably would lift them in, but then feel I needed to loiter close by to help again when they look like they wanted to get out. Which I'd do, but be fuming at whatever adult was meant to be looking after them.

If a kid wants help getting down or looks likely to fall, I'd help without a second thought.

Many years ago we were on holiday and a boy no older than 3 came running past us. His parents weren't that close to us and he was feeling closer and closer to the road. I turned around and dad very nonchalantly said "he'll stop" and carried on talking to the rest of the group.

Anyway, the boy isn't stopping and I ended up legging it after him having seen an incoming car. I managed to grab him and the car swerved around us both. Dad came over and snatched him away and acted like I was in the wrong.

He's have been hit, he was too small to be seen. I'm sure the car only swerved because saw me.

I know I did the right thing given the danger but I doubt I'd help out under any other circumstances now.

I would've helped. My DS fell in the park a few days ago, I had 1 baby in the swing and another in the pram. I was trying to quickly get one back in the pram and another parent in the park picked him up and offered him reassurances. DS was fine and off playing before I even got to him - in certain circumstances I think it's ok. Takes a village and all that. Although I am a bit concerned a young school age child had a baby with her with no parents present. My eldest is 6, middle 17 months. I couldn't imagine my eldest caring for either of my babies on his own in a public park.

Obviously I would still intervene if the child was in danger, but the question was about helping a kid into a swing.

This. But can you blame anyone. People get offended if you look in their direction so you always have to tread carefully

You absolutely would . . .

Difficult. I'd be very wary of picking up a random child.

I’d have been cautious. Like others have said - if I popped a little one in I’d feel like I’d need to keep an eye in case the older one ran off, someone was hurt, or she couldn’t get out!!

for emergencies I’d help and have done. I’ve blocked a child getting hit by a swing before and guided a boy down from a climbing frame.

it's scary how some parents behave in parks. What if someone took the little one whilst big on ran to get mum? What is there was one of those horrible dogs or the little girl had a seizure. I know I’m being a bit dramatic - but bad stuff does happen. She may even try to climb out and fall.

As someone whose husband took our children to the park every weekend I can categorically say that if a father was at the park with his children and he picked up a toddler to put them in a swing I would not have any problem. What is he doing that would concern me?

Exactly what I was thinking too - don't ignore them and then whine about it!!

I'd ask the child whether they would like help/ permission to help usually, but I don't live in the UK and (especially in the non urban area I live in) this is normal here. We actually live opposite a small village playground and children occasionally ask for help when I just go put to the bin or something!

In your situation, a mother with a child, no problem - lift the kid as asked, pick up a fallen child, ask a crying one if they are ok.

If you were male then my answer would be different.

Well the last time I picked up someone else’s child the Mother looked at me like I was about to throw him into a lion’s den. What had actually happened was he’d been knocked flat by the zip line he’d just toddled into the path of while she was god knows where, and I grabbed him out of the way before he got whacked again as it rebounded back from the end. A minute or two later she turned up.

That said, I’d probably still have helped, but asked where Mum/Dad/Whoever was with them was.

Men as a sex class are a risk to children. It's prudent for a man to be cautious interacting with an unknown child in public even if he could easily explain it away.