Being called darling/aw bless by nursing staff

[KatyKopykat]

I do a cleaning job once a week for a neighbour who's been in hospital, she's coming up 67. She's been telling me that the nurses and hospitality staff all call patients darling incessantly. They all do it and she thought it's part of their training. I'd hope not! Another thing they keep saying is bless/aw bless.

AIBU to say this is not professional? I'm not in my sixties but I'd stop it immediately if anyone said it to me.

They've always been there. We didn't have to hear from them before.
I think its a class thing.

again, personal preference is fine.

Judging the professionalism of nursing staff because they use the word "darling"? Frankly of all the thing we should be bothered about the work of a nurse, her use of the word "darling" should be the very least of our problem

It's such a commonly used word in this context, it has no innuendo, no insinuation, nothing at all.

They're dealing with part of our bodies and bodily functions that no-one really should be dealing with apart from their owner 😂, so if they show a little bit of care, good for them.

They're not your banker or your kids headteacher.

I think its a class thing.

😂

I see what you did there

I love it. Would much rather have a 'darling' nurse than a clinical cold fish.

It's precisely because they may be dealing with parts of our bodies that shpuldn't ordinarily be shared, that they should have sufficient respect for the patient to use their name rather than crossing a boundary onto over familiarity. I have a name and I expect hcps to use it. I also don't expect hcps to assume they may use my first name when they address doctors with the respect and courtesy of their titles. It's a respect, dignity and equality issue within a professional relationship. HCP's are not chums.

Talk about taking things so seriously.

honestly, unclench

You are the one showing disrespect for the poor staff having to deal with you, not the other way round. I am sure they call Ma'am if you demand it. They're trying to be helpful and put you at ease, but they are in no way inferior to you, you are the one who should show them respect and curtesy instead of insisting they know their place.

Yes, I think failing to speak to a patient respectfully and affording them dignoty and equality is a very serious issue. I need to feel confident that an hcp views me as the equal of every other stakeholder from ceo/clinical director down.

As long as I am receiving kind and appropriate care I really don’t think it’s an issue. Too many people like to look for things to complain about.

I don't disrespect them and I woukdn't dream of calling them darling any more than I would dream of calling a consultant darling. I think it's utterly wrong that consultant use the nurse's first names whilst expecting the nurse to call them Mr, Ms, Mrs or Dr. It's an equality issue.

So a stressed out NHS have more eggs to walk on. Seriously.

Why is that HCP's think it's ok to infantilise patients? Patients have names, it's polite to use them. What's the issue?

I'm more concerned about the level of care and kindness they are giving me. They can call me what they want as long as they are making me feel better. You seem to be hung up on titles in general.

I don’t mind darling/love, what I hate it “bless you” it sounds so belittling and patronising

I can safly say as nhs staff, the consultants get first names unless in front of patients! In some of our longer term patients we and the patients call them by their first.name. I have also been called darling, love and ,hen by patients. We use our judgment on what to call you. If u want Mrs Smith while in pain and projectile vomiting or unable to beathe thats fine but most people dont.

also don't expect hcps to assume they may use my first name when they address doctors with the respect and courtesy of their titles

To each other we don’t address doctors with their titles, it’s all first names because we’re a team. That may be different in adult land, I don’t know.

I don't think so. It doesn't make me feel someone is being kind or caring is they can't be bothered to use my name. It makes me feel that they can't be bovvered and that I'm just another lump of meat that they won't dignify with a name because patients aren't worth that level of bother. I don't think I've ever been so rude as to ignore the fact that a person has a name.

HCPs are professionals and want to be thought of as such.

A nurse has recently been suspended by calling a trans woman convicted paedophile “Mr” even though medical notes stated sex was male. (The nurse is called Jennifer Melle if you want to look it up). Perhaps better to call everyone “darling” and not risk disciplinary action for misgendering.

I don’t mind darling or love or Mum if I can my DCs. I also also ‘bless you’ if one of in a bad situation eg stuck in a muddy field. Names can be hard to remember / not know whether title or forename…

I want to be addressed as Your Majesty. First names are for the help.

I’m also from the North if that impacts…

OK Mrs Bucket 🍪

Yes, I've read about that case and have been a patient at that hospital. In their outpatient clinics all the men are called as Mr Bloggs, etc, and all the women as Brenda Bloggs. I have an issue with men being offered more courtesy than women. The simple answer is to stop calling men Mr.

I've also had a consultant there use my first name whilst introducing himself as Mr. Fine to use my first name, if he introduces himself with his.

Patients are as important as doctors and women are as important as men. It's an absolute point of principle.

The issue in the Melle case is that the nurse in question refused to address the patient as they wanted to be addressed. I can see both sides but feel the hospital's management totally over-reacted.