Being called darling/aw bless by nursing staff

[KatyKopykat]

I do a cleaning job once a week for a neighbour who's been in hospital, she's coming up 67. She's been telling me that the nurses and hospitality staff all call patients darling incessantly. They all do it and she thought it's part of their training. I'd hope not! Another thing they keep saying is bless/aw bless.

AIBU to say this is not professional? I'm not in my sixties but I'd stop it immediately if anyone said it to me.

Ok @TheignT , we get your point: you ain't nobody's Darling.

I feel sorry for the nurses, wiping bums, emptying bed pans and still trying their best to seem kindly.

I am actually and it means something when he says it.

Well I'm glad to hear it.

Because you can’t expect a nurse to learn all the parents names as well as all the kids especially as most peads wards are like revolving doors!

Some just are kindly and you don't need them to call you darling to know it. I wonder what the ones who need this demonstration of how lovely they are really feel. Probably the ones who go in the office and moan about you.

I was in hospital recently with sepsis and transferred to another ward, I'd been headed for ICU but it was apparently full and I was conscious. I was crying (I felt terrible) and an absolutely lovely nurse crouched down, put her arm around me and said "It's alright darling, you're with us now and we've got lovely doctors and we'll take care of you".

No problem at all with that and I'll always remember her kindness.

The problems start when people think anyone in the older age group appear to have lost their first names, let alone a surname.

No, you're right it isn't necessary, but I genuinely struggle to believe they mean ill by it.

Nobody has said they meant to be unkind. I don't think they do. It's just habit. Why do you associate it with unkindness? That's just bizarre.

Because people are saying it's condescending and disrespectful, both of which are unkind ways to treat people. It's not a bizarre association at all. If it was "just habit" to insult people would you consider that unkind?
ETA I think you are just trying to back-pedal slightly in your criticism of them.

👌

When I was in hospital in my 40s I was routinely addressed as "my darling", "my love" by the nurses and catering staff. I thought they were being sweet. It has been a good few years, but I didn't realise that it's now offensive.

I wonder, as it's apparently perfectly OK not to know a patients name even though it's on a board above their bed, what else it's OK to forget about them.

Communication problems? Eg a person who is deaf? Paralysis of the left arm meaning they need the call bell on the right side of the bed? Some form of ND/LD which affect the care they need?

All of these happened recently to a relative of mine btw. The HCAs wandering in and talking to her without first looking at the board which told them she lip reads were nothing short of infuriating. Leaving the bell where she couldn't reach it could be dangerous.

It wouldn't offend me. Or irritate me, unless they were incompetent or trying to be patronising on purpose.

If said in an affectionate way, I don't see how the patient's age is relevant?

I'd rather they called me something impersonal than shouted my name out for the whole ward to hear. Obviously if a nurse is coming to see you specifically, you'd hope they check your name on ID bracelet first but I wouldn't expect anyone to remember.

Patients generally don't recall names either. If in doubt, it's usually effective and acceptable to call someone by their profession (or presumed profession, hard to tell with scrub colours changing!)

This used to concern me when my mum was dying. She was only 70 and until her final two days, sharp as a tack. 100% agree infantilising people or patronising them is not treating them with dignity and it was a micro-gesture that for her worsened the frightening feeling of being de-personified and unheard.

´How are you today?’
‘I didn’t have a great night. Faecal vomit.’
‘Aw Bless.’

Well, that was meaningless, cheers for that. If you don’t want involved or know what to say, try ‘I’m sorry to hear that’ or whatever. I thought they should put a photo of all the patients in their prime above their beds; look, this is another adult. The best ones we saw were pointedly not doing that and they stood out in their empathy and professionalism.

I have nothing to back pedal on.

I'm not saying it's "now offensive". My neighbour said she found it irritating because it was so repetitive. After my conversation with her I thought how patronising it can be and that's how I find it. I don't like being called darling at all by anyone. I'm not offended. I just don't like it.

It's a discussion. Not a criticism of nurses and their competence.

My neighbour seriously thought they were trained to call patients darling. I know it sounds stupid but that's what she thought and why I made this thread. To talk about it.

I find it unprofessional personally I would never call someone dear, darling etc. I just hate it. Especially 'dear'

So do I. I was called sweety by a waitress yesterday who looked about 21 and I'm twice her age! I just ignored it as I'm not likely to see her again. She was very good at her job though.

Yep.

My son was in for 10 months which is the only reason why nurses ended up using my name. At first, it was usually ''Are you mum?'' or ''You're doing a good job mum'' insert mum for sweetheart/darling etc depending on the nurse.

I can’t get worked up about someone being kind.

When I was at work, I was called dear, darling, sweetheart, luv, honey etc., It makes the world go round 💞

I’m studying for an allied health degree at the moment and we’ve been taught to use the patients name and not pet names. I have experienced it in the past though and really appreciated it, it helped put me at ease and feel genuinely cared for. I was in my 20s then so I don’t think it’s to do with age.

IMO this is almost always a class thing. Middle class people resent being "patronised" which is to say, seen as being at a level where they could be called an endearment by someone they look at as being in a service position.

I really like how the options are calling someone darling or being rude. Just because you call someone by their name or say cheerfully 'good morning' doesn't make it rude just because you didn't add sweetie to the end.
Same for"we all do it in place x because we are friendly". People who don't are not rude and similarly saying something rude and my love in the same sentence does not make it friendly.

There are personal preferences and cultural differences. It is also fine to talk about things leas important than famine on an online forum. People are just saying they like it or they don't, I'm not sure why anyone feels sorry for nurses if a person dislikes being called a sweetheart. I haven't seen anyone suggesting making a formal complaint or even rudely ordering health care workers to stop.🤷🏼‍♀️