Is this rude from a child? Age 6, furious reaction from teacher

[partytimed]

My DS was at school today and his teacher addressed the class saying “I don’t want to hear from you unless you need the toilet, you’re in pain or injured.” My DS raised his hand and said “I’m pain and injured is kind of the same thing.” Another teacher overheard and shouted at him so much he was crying and still crying about it at bedtime.

obviously I only have his account of the incident so this is all the detail I have. He didn’t think he had said anything wrong. I’ve noticed this year he’s complained of strict scary teachers and he’s becoming anxious about going to school. Would appreciate opinions on whether this apparently very big telling off was justified. He said his friends were comforting afterwards and he was crying and apologising whilst the teacher continued to shout.

She should have said "No, they're not. I'll explain the difference later. But right now I need everyone to listen and not talk" That way she gets them to do what's required without giving the message that all discussion is 'wrong'. However its not something I'd complain about unless it becomes a pattern. Reinforce with DS the need to follow instructions. It's really important he can do this for his own safety.

He just had to open his mouth to correct her, didn't he?! Poor teacher is probably sick to the back teeth of this me me me attitude

Good advice, unfortunately like too many parents, I suspect op just wants to hear that the teacher is evil and her son could never possibly do any wrong.

Poor teacher is probably sick to the back teeth of this me me me attitude

😂😂😂😂. then she reallt needs to get another job other than being in charge of really young children.

This reminds me of my very well-behaved 7 year-old son telling me quite innocently and seriously that he thought his teacher liked a particular boy in the class best. I asked him why he thought that and he said’Well, Jack is really clever and knows a lot and he often tells Mrs Bloggs that she’s got something wrong’.

Bless him. I bet Jack was NOT the teacher’s pet!

He was cheeky and a bit of a smart arse and technically he was wrong.

I am in pain right now but I don’t have an injury.

He got ticked off for it - I doubt it was a 2 minute yelling at him but it probably felt that long to him.

He isn’t in reception any more - he needs to learn to sit down, be quiet and get on with his work. And he needs to learn to do as he’s told and not back chat.

I get that he’s 6. But he’s in school and he needs to learn to behave appropriately in a group environment.

I have a feeling he’s struggling with adjusting to a more formal learning environment and being told off.

mine are all adults now and one was the smart arse. Very bright, very quick witted and very funny. But he was constantly in trouble in school for it - from about age 6 or 7 when the expectation became sit down, be quiet and get on with your work. So I do have sympathy.

I went in the first time or two and had a chat with the teacher and I left with a red face coz I had believed his version (because I’m not saying he was lying as such but a ticking off seemed more severe to him) but it turned out there had been a whole ton of stuff that has led up to the ticking off.

if I was you I’d go and talk to the teacher and ask her what her expectations are in the classroom and try and figure out what it is that’s different that he’s struggling with, in conjunction with her, and put strategies in place to help him.

But I’d also be telling him to stop the smart mouth know it all answering back to the teacher, because in pain and injured are not the same thing.

I used to volunteer at a village school and knew a lot of the parents. Some of the things friend's children came out with were incredible. I frequently had to call out lies, both to the parents and to teachers. One year 2 boy told his mum the teacher pulled his ears because he wouldn't change for PE. I know it didn't happen because the teacher had to leave the room and I supervised whilst they changed.

But in that moment she just needed them to be quiet, and that comment, which adults would understand, might elicit even mor’ discussion’🙄 about semantics.

She needed to shut things down.

Does he answer back in a cheeky way a lot? Interrupt? Comment where none is needed.

I have a boy who would have wanted to do exactly the same. We have had to work on him reining in the impulse to say this sort of thing at school. The key is to say to them "is that information the teacher needed?"

That "pain and injury are similar" is not and is also completely counter to what she's just said. I suspect she's got a class of kids interrupting, answering back, making constant annoying comments.

They are there to learn, they need to zip it a bit. Its a normal thing for a teacher to have to say to year 2 etc.

and technically he was wrong.
I am in pain right now but I don’t have an injury.

Anddd the subtlety of this distinction was exactly what the 6 year old child was curious about. This is absolutely developmentally appropriate and how 6 year old brains are designed to work. It's literally how they learn about the world and come to understand these kinds of nuances complexities. The teacher of all people should know this and not be trying to stamp it out because of her own ego.

Too many parents think the same these days, sadly. They expect their children to be taught to the highest standards and will kick off soon enough if they think that’s not happening, but baulk at the idea that to achieve that, children need to be orderly and well behaved so they can learn. Discipline is necessary.

He needed to be quiet and do as he was told.

She should have said "No, they're not. I'll explain the difference later. But right now I need everyone to listen and not talk" That way she gets them to do what's required without giving the message that all discussion is 'wrong'.

There are 30 kids in the class. If she responded to all their daft comments like this thats all she would do all day and she's got a demanding curriculum to get into them. There quite literally isn't time.

Children are not perfect,they are still very much developing their executive functions such an inhibition and impulse control, they are not robots nor are they in some sort of jail at school. It is very VERY clear that the child wasn't trying to be smart or cheeky from their reaction, they popped their hand up and let their random thoughts come out, yes a reminder, that's not really an important question or I don't think you really needed to ask that or even that's quite rude etc would have been appropriate but it sounds like a horrific over reaction and I can't believe a teacher didn't respond when a little child began to cry. The thought of all the wee friends trying to comfort him is breaking my heart. OP I'm not really one for calling or going to the school, I've had kids in primary for nine years, I'd be escalating this. I am also a therapist and I'd encourage your son to reflect on what he feels he might have done wrong, (perhaps interrupting or asking unimportant questions) and what he can learn but also that it's ok to make mistakes like that and move on and he can always trust you to not judge him and help him work it out.

This! Please do not automatically believe your child and march up to the school demanding to phone social services as the teacher has abused them. Yes, this happens. And parents using the excuse of sensitive/highly intelligent child are the worst.

I'm a primary school teacher and I would be speaking to the school about this. Obviously, as you have sensibly stated, your child may not be entirely accurate. However I do sadly know that some teachers are scary and shouty and it's not OK. To those saying 'this is why teachers are leaving in droves..' etc. are you serious? OP has been calm and measured and stressed that she wants to hear the teacher's version of events. Her concern is her child's wellbeing and he is upset and sad. He's six!
OP I wouldn't take his comment as rude from a six year old, especially if he is generally a non-sarky kid and not trying to be class clown. Even if he was I wouldn't have told him off if he was visibly upset (and certainly not in public). Have a look at the school's behaviour policy too and reference this in the meeting - go in open minded and hopefully you can work with school to make your child happier.

Children should be seen and not heard right?

It sounds like the teacher has been getting interrupted constantly and tried to put some firm rules in place so they could actually teach the children.
Your son was cheeky in saying what he did.

This is a perfect chance to speak to him about not trying to be the class clown and to respect what his teachers have asked.

Yip.

Embarrassingly, I was that parent.

I only did it a couple of times though, and it was only ever dc2 (the smart mouth class clown clever clogs cheeky rascal).

These are great traits, and in appropriate circumstances they’ve taken my dc2 very far, but they’re not appropriate in the classroom.

ETA. Went to the school to talk to the teacher, not ringing SS.

but There's time to yell at him? Okayyy

Yes it was really rude. The teacher clearly needed to get on with something important and kept getting interrupted and he came back with a cheeky comment and deserved a ticking off for it.
I would actually be a bit cross with my child and be having words as nitpicking and being pedantic is an awful habit and needs to be nipped in the bud.

Children need to know that they don't need to voice their thoughts/opinions all of the time. This is such a form of distraction in the classroom. If all of the class need to be 'heard' equally the teacher will never be able to get any work done.

It’s got nothing to do with ego and everything to do with behaviour management. If a teacher instructs the class to be quiet and then engages in a debate because some kid has piped up they’ll be undermining themselves. Classes can’t be constant free-for-alls when you have 30 kids to teach.

I can't believe a teacher didn't respond when a little child began to cry.

The crying is an attention seeking reaction! Children who cry because they've been told off are a pain in the arse. You ignore it because you need them to learn not to bother.

If you pander to all the kids who's mummy's and daddy's are very soft at home and tolerate answering back and interrupting etc, then fuss over them when they cry, when are you going to fucking teach them grammar and maths and history and the masses of other things in year 2?

Not all the time, not at all. Please read my posts.

In that moment, however, he needed to sit down, be quiet, and get on with his work.

Some kids do struggle as they move up the school with the transition to this type of learning. And the op should go in, as I said, and in conjunction with the teacher, work out what it is he’s finding difficult and get strategies in place to support him.

But ultimately he needs to zip it and do as he’s told when he’s told to.

This is a school environment. There’s 30 kids in a class (up to). It’s a different environment to a smaller group of 10, or 18 or 1 or 2 siblings at home.