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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

‘Coming out’ as non binary

77 replies

Neverbeentothegym · 02/10/2025 08:00

Just reading about another celebrity ‘coming out’ as non binary, saying ‘there’s days when I feel more masculine, and days when I feel more feminine’. I’m putting money on the fact that they are never in a position where the world treats them absolutely as one of those genders, and all the shit that comes with it.
I am a woman who has always felt masculine.

But even if I feel this way, as a single parent, school will always call me. School will always expect me to deliver clean, tidy, organised children on time. The council/ social services/ society expected me to pick up the pieces when their dad left. No one from their side has offered me respite/ support or even acknowledgement. In the same way, their dad has never been punished or held accountable to do anything or help at all. The NHS expected me to prioritise the health and well-being of the foetus I was carrying and did nothing to check or impose the same restrictions on the father of the child. No employers will underpay or make judgements about a man’s ability to not get pregnant at an inconvenient time or take too much time off for caring responsibilities.
So it all means jack shit. I could come out as non binary tomorrow and not one of the above named societal expectations would change.

OP posts:
SunnieShine · 02/10/2025 08:03

Non binary is a nonsense term. I'm embarrassed for them.

toonananana · 02/10/2025 08:05

I’ve lived the same life as you @Neverbeentothegymand have always operated in my ‘masculine energy’ but I’m woman, all woman. We women are fucking amazing (and can adapt to whatever life throws our way).

HaveYouActuallyDoneAnyWashingThisWeekMum · 02/10/2025 08:12

SunnieShine · 02/10/2025 08:03

Non binary is a nonsense term. I'm embarrassed for them.

Me too

KeebabSpider · 02/10/2025 08:17

It's all bollocks. Could someone explain to me like I'm really dim; what is "feeling feminine" and what is "masculine energy"

I'm a woman (label, category, taxonomy) adult female. I am female. I don't subjectively feel this independent of how I am treated or my lived experience. I do not exist objectively or subjectively outside of society or prior to it. Like most people I accept this, and I'm conditioned to behave in certain ways and experience life as a woman. Objectively I experience and share this reality with other women. Sometimes I rebel and don't do make up, and woman stuff, sometimes I'm told "you think like a man" No shit, I think so therefore I must think like a man. Afterall, for all of history we are told men think and women are incapable. Sometimes my husband washes the dishes, he must have had a moment of being in his "female energy"

Neverbeentothegym · 02/10/2025 08:18

It feels like the patriarchy has thrown these gender issues in to distract us from the fact that things still are very far from fair. Things are still shit, but don’t worry you can wear men’s boxers and aftershave if you want. Fuck me, all I want is a decent shot at promotion and not to have to explain the menopause to a bored male manager.

OP posts:
ComfortFoodCafe · 02/10/2025 08:45

Non binary is nonsense. I honestly feel people use these terms for attention seeking nowadays.

Boap · 02/10/2025 08:47

It’s nonsense, like all the gender stuff and mostly a combination of sexism stereotypes and just absolute waffle.

ByQuirkyCat · 02/10/2025 08:50

It's people with zero problems creating problems for themselves. I struggle to GAF about what celebrities think about their extremely special identities.

GingerBeverage · 02/10/2025 08:51

Whitewashing their privilege, very handy.

Spiderseverywherenow · 02/10/2025 08:52

I am never really clear on what are feminine and masculine days...

Ladamesansmerci · 02/10/2025 08:53

I don't even understand what it means to feel masculine or feminine. The only thing that makes me 'feel' like a woman is my biology and the way the world treats me. Everything else that is labelled and gendered is a social construct. There is no such thing as masculine clothes or hobbies, etc. How can you feel masculine?

Screamingabdabz · 02/10/2025 08:56

The famous people I know who make a big deal out of the fact that they are ‘non binary’ are so obviously female is laughable. Wearing a suit, short hair and a scowl seems to be the equivalent of covering your face to play peekaboo with a baby - the baby knows you haven’t really gone. Everyone knows that the binary hasn’t disappeared either.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 02/10/2025 08:57

It means ‘I’m not getting enough attention. And I’ve got a new film coming out’.

Fizbosshoes · 02/10/2025 08:59

Screamingabdabz · 02/10/2025 08:56

The famous people I know who make a big deal out of the fact that they are ‘non binary’ are so obviously female is laughable. Wearing a suit, short hair and a scowl seems to be the equivalent of covering your face to play peekaboo with a baby - the baby knows you haven’t really gone. Everyone knows that the binary hasn’t disappeared either.

Tbf sam Smith was the first attention seeker person who i was aware that came out as NB

Ablondiebutagoody · 02/10/2025 09:01

They just want some attention

Neverbeentothegym · 02/10/2025 09:07

It seeps into the real world though.

OP posts:
Worriedalltheday · 02/10/2025 09:10

Honestly who give a shit about that. Those idiots deserve nothing more than an eye roll. I just don’t get involved in all this nonsense today.

Dontcallmescarface · 02/10/2025 09:12

So she's just the same as the majority of people, big deal.

mindutopia · 02/10/2025 09:12

Hardly any of those things are ‘masculine’ though. They’re just being a parent and an adult. School calls Dh and he has to go collect the dc. He also does the dishes every night and does most of the running around to kids’ activities. It doesn’t mean he’s ‘feminine’ those days. He’s just a good parent.

People have been non-binary since the beginning of time. It just didn’t have a name. I can’t get worked up about someone doing something that makes them feel more secure in who they are. Certainly doesn’t affect me as a woman and my identity.

Screamingabdabz · 02/10/2025 09:23

Fizbosshoes · 02/10/2025 08:59

Tbf sam Smith was the first attention seeker person who i was aware that came out as NB

He was joking though surely?

Greenwitchart · 02/10/2025 09:31

It is bizarre and just reinforces the stereotypes that some behaviour are 'masculine' and other 'feminine'... which to me is just backwards thinking.

I am a woman and I am just being myself in life and never bother with having to assign ''masculine' or ''feminine'' to my action or appearance and what I wear.

These people are just looking for attention, jumping on the latest bandwagon and not using any kind of critical thinking. Best ignored.

MyLimeGuide · 02/10/2025 09:38

Which celebrity was it? (So I know who to avoid when selecting TV programmes)

TheProfoundlyPeculiarPointOfPete · 02/10/2025 09:40

Look, it's perfectly clear. Some behaviours and traits are labelled as masculine, some as feminine. Society says that female people display feminine traits, and male people display masculine traits.

If you're female and you don't solely display feminine traits, then "really", deep down inside who you truly are as a person, your body is wrong and you need to do something to change it.

The only other logical explanation would be that it's actually the labelling and/or the tying of behaviours to exclusively one sex that is wrong, but that's a bigoted belief as everyone knows, and if you're a kind person who hates hate, then you'll agree that it's the body that is wrong.

And that's the argument that has seemingly convinced a lot of people to embrace sexism and homophobia in the name of "there are behaviours, preferences and characteristics that exclusively match up with body type".

Krakinou · 02/10/2025 09:44

Spiderseverywherenow · 02/10/2025 08:52

I am never really clear on what are feminine and masculine days...

My 2 year old has been taking a wooden sword everywhere lately (she’s really into dragons at the moment). We were in a toyshop and she put a knight’s helmet on. The shop assistant took it off her head and replaced it with a princess hat, saying “there, that’s better.” 🤔🙄

So princess=feminine, knight=masculine. Hope that helps.

WarriorN · 02/10/2025 09:48

It’s sexist BS.

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