Not using second christening dress MIL bought

[nebulacoccinella]

I had already bought my daughter’s dress firstly. Me and MIL had also talked about everything I wanted and didn’t want it to be. Lace, no satin, cream not white, long sleeves, floor length.
Then MIL randomly just gave to my fiance a ‘second christening dress even though I know you wanted to pick it yourselves, she can wear after the main event.’ It’s satin, white, sleeveless, above the knees. I had already found a second dress I wanted for this purpose of wearing for comfort, though I had never talked about it or my desire for such a thing. It’s typical for MIL to just ignore my wishes in relation to myself and my child and do whatever she feels without acknowledging it.
I am thinking to be non confrontational, saying that the one she got ended up not fitting, which should be believable as it was bought over 3 months before the event and my daughters really big for her age. AIBU?

What does the child's father want?

@HoskinsChoicethank you for this good question! He like me had wanted us to make the choice of dress, and he didn’t explicitly say he wants or doesn’t want to use the one his mum got but he did say to me in relation to it ‘you have to assert what you want to people if you don’t want to be walked all over’, even though I feel like I did do this to be honest!

Use the dress you and your husband want. End of story.

I agree with the above poster- use your own choice. If asked by the MIL's why you didn't use HER dress, I'd just say that you'd already bought you own choices so used those.

Followed up with 'Oh, if you'd like your dress back MIL, I'd be happy to drop it back to you' 😊

Tell her you weren't planning on changing LO and if you do she has plenty other dresses to wear.
That was Mil can return the second dress.
I'm assuming its not a family heirloom

Keep it as a second dress-you never know if the first will get messed up. Personally I'd let her wear it for a short time later on, but prioritise yours. That way you're not being walked over, but if it makes MIL happy, it's no big deal. None of us ever know what's going to happen, and I really wish I'd included something at my wedding for my auntie, and still feel bad about that. Obviously Christenings etc are a one-off, and a photo (AFTER yours has been used!) in the dress she chose might be a massive deal for her, and is no skin off your nose; now of course, if she regularly expected you to change your daughter's outfit you'd both want to explain that's not happening.

Thanks for your reply! Annoyingly she’s emphasised she lost the receipt which I think makes it a little trickier for me. But no it’s not an heirloom, just a cheap cheerful one from the supermarket (not that this is bad at all, just explaining it’s not of huge sentimental value or a great expense)

Thank you for your reply! That seems like a reasonable middle ground. I feel a little resentment at the thought as MIL has already also overridden my wishes for the party and without mentioning or asking bought all the decor which I really don’t like but also feel compelled to use. I also had to really put my foot down about wanting to bake my daughter’s cake myself and not have it made by her friend like she suggested. I just don’t know if I’m being selfish, if I try to put myself in her shoes though I can’t imagine I’ll be ignoring what my daughter in law wants for her own child

On the day say you just forgot but that you'll bring her round to MIL soon in it and she can take a photo.

Lost on purpose or am I a cynic?

Keep it as a spare. And say no more about it

That's so frustrating. What on earth is the silly sod doing? Who buys a second christening dress?
I think you are going to have to be firm with MIL, say "Why have you bought another dress when we told you we had sorted it?"

Lose/bin the decor like she did the receipt. Your husband sounds a bit wishy washy so convince him to form a united front.

Undermine her matriarch nonsense by doing it your way - she's not in charge.

She’s deliberately trying to undermine you. Saying she knew you wanted to choose DC’s dress gave that away. Just give it back and say thanks but you knew we’re choosing our own. End of. She’s created the problem, step back from it

You're being played like a fiddle op! Bought decorations and outfit? She'll be turning up with cupcakes from her friend next.

Why are MILs like this… that’s my honest unfiltered feeling summed up right there in your comment lol.

I agree. Also every single time she comes to visit she’ll come when she knows it’s my baby’s nap time and then it creates an issue as my partner feels bad she doesn’t get to see her much as if I’m not accommodating enough by I guess disturbing her sleep unnecessarily when she could just come a little earlier or later. I’m ranting now but, I do feel like I’m being walked all over, and I guess it’s hard for my partner as he of course cares for his mums feelings too but form his comment he clearly also thinks im walked all over too

No is a complete sentence
Nip this in the bud , or you’re looking at another 30 years of this bats***tery

You both need to make it clear that she's not to come at X time (nap time). If she turns up. Don't answer the door. She's bloody rude.

Just stop pandering to her, do not adjust your own routines because she tramples over your boundaries.

What if my fiance thinks I’m being unfair? He didn’t like the decor she bought either to be fair. And I dont know if you saw my comment but in relation to all this he said I need to start asserting myself if I don’t want to be walked all over. Not just in relation to his mum but my parents and in life in general. I wonder how I put this to him… I’ve got the second dress I wanted now which he knew i really wanted long before his mum decided to get her own.

How do I approach this with him do you think? I’m thinking - really appreciate it, but we both talked about it with your mum and I’d even gone into everything I wanted and this is the opposite, and I don’t want to be someone who just has life happen to them and makes no decisions for myself, especially in relation to our first ever special family occasion for our daughter. What do you think?!

I personally would say - can you let your mum know I've bought a different dress and decorations 😂.

Your MIL bought all the decor¹
What did she buy? Is the party in your house?

Yep it’s in my house. Tablecloths, all cutlery and food related stuff, banners and balloons, and when she brought them around told me where they’re going to go lmao

And to add to my last comment, even said to get rid of some of my furniture not just for the party but permanently, turning her nose up saying it’s ‘old’ (its just a simple glass table in great condition)

You need to speak to her and be straight.

In the future don't give her advanced notice about parties, birthdays etc.
Put her decor in a box, if and when she mentions it at the party say thanks so much, love it, keeping it up for another day as we already had ours picked out for the day.