Not using second christening dress MIL bought

[nebulacoccinella]

I had already bought my daughter’s dress firstly. Me and MIL had also talked about everything I wanted and didn’t want it to be. Lace, no satin, cream not white, long sleeves, floor length.
Then MIL randomly just gave to my fiance a ‘second christening dress even though I know you wanted to pick it yourselves, she can wear after the main event.’ It’s satin, white, sleeveless, above the knees. I had already found a second dress I wanted for this purpose of wearing for comfort, though I had never talked about it or my desire for such a thing. It’s typical for MIL to just ignore my wishes in relation to myself and my child and do whatever she feels without acknowledging it.
I am thinking to be non confrontational, saying that the one she got ended up not fitting, which should be believable as it was bought over 3 months before the event and my daughters really big for her age. AIBU?

She doesn’t wear MILs dress on the day, but she can wear it another time. You use any of the decor you like but none that you don’t. Your house, your party, your choices. And stop worrying about what to say. Just do it and don’t apologise.

Am I the only one who reads these threads and thinks I must be a right twat because when my ILs have even dared to disrespect my wishes I’ve handed back their bag of tat and showed them the door? I just couldn’t imagine saying very clearly what my preferences were and then allowing them to completely disregard that. It’s the height of disrespect. Your MIL had her turn for the whole christening extravaganza, she doesn’t get to hijack this for you. Honestly I’d put it all in a box and donate it to someone who can’t afford a fancy christening party. I think that’s a great lesson for your child one day, to help others feel closer to their faith if you’re in a position to. Let’s see your MIL try and argue with that good Christian logic.

Our babies' Baptism clothes had to be white, the last one was a large baptism with several families' babies. The robes were all white, no cream/ivory. There's a part of the ceremony where white garments eg shawls are held up while the declarations are made. Its a sacrament not a fashion show, the various aspects are significant/ meaningful. These events predate insta! If you want lace over satin that's a totally understandable preference, some people dislike smooth shiny fabric. Others will dislike the impracticality of lace for getting your nails/rings/ babies' fingers caught or being rough for a baby to wear etc so I totally get that bit, each to their own etc. But the white has meaning to those seeking the sacrament for it's actual purpose.

This is my mother to a tee

She didnt just try to choose a dress,she booked and organised the whole bloody christening-she invited guests,food,decorations-the lot and then dumped it all on me that this was happening (a casual 'oh and by the way,I've had a word with the vicar and he can squeeze her in on x day,ive sorted out all the details to save you the stress')

I couldn't have made it clearer from being about 4 months pregnant that I didnt want my baby christened but she went ahead anyway and it gave me no pleasure to say 'nope!not happening!get it all cancelled now!'

The tantrum she threw had to be seen to be believed,the tears went on whenever someone looked her way and i was called the most ungrateful bitch on the planet for not wanting her to have 'her day' (lots of people took her side)

it was never about me and my baby,it was about her wants and keeping up with her friend who's dd had hers done and the friend got to choose everything as she was the same personality and the dd just took it

My dd is almost 29 and she is still moaning (I'm nc) about how she didnt have 'her' day and it's all my fault

That is extraordinary. Hopefully most vicars would insist on talking to the actual parent before taking a booking.

No, you are not the only one.

Nope,the vicar and herself are almost best friends and she's very charming and does a lot for the church

It was all 'yes babies mum agrees,she's all for it,now where do I sign?'

Not one person asked for my confirmation on anything

She'd sorted every tiny detail and expected me to agree when presented with it

Oh the tears,tantrums and smear campaign when I said 'cancel it all,this isnt happening!'

Not the first time and wasn't the last over our lives,she thought she had full rights over everything from dds name to where she went to school etc

I had people come up to me in the street for months to tell me I was in the wrong and that 'your mother went to so much trouble for you and you couldn't let her have her moment'

'Her moment' not 'dds christening'

She tried the same stunt with my nephew and my ds when dgd was born-got put back in her lane both times

I think it's more a paternal mother in law thing. Mum's of boys, some, not all, see their grandchildren as am extension of their precious boy and believe that they know best because they've already perfected the daddy. Especially true if only one precious boy is involved. Absolute bullshit of course.
(This is a lighthearted take and not to be taken as gospel 😂)

Mil got to enjoy her children, you should be able to enjoy yours. When you look at the pictures they should bring you joy so be firm with mil.

keep hers as a spare third choice in case of poonami. The first outfit will get wet you’ll need to change baby after.

Mum if a boy here… also they may be very excited about buying dresses!

You don’t have to use the decorations. Bin them then you won’t be able to find them on the day.

I’d say “oh sorry I thought we told you we have a dress”
if she insists you keep it don’t take it to the christening but do at some point visit mil with her in the dress .

Sounds incredibly infuriating. I am a people pleaser but trying to get better at polite firmness. You refer to your fiancé, you really need to stop this now or just think what she will pick for your wedding 😂.