How would you split the cost of this trip?

[GetBendyWithWendy]

Surprise birthday trip for the parent of adult children.

Attending:
The other parent.
One adult child with a spouse and teen.
One single childless adult child.

This sounds like really hard work. Family going away together for a birthday celebration. It’s not really relevant that the birthday person doesn’t know.
You need 4 bedrooms so parent pays for one, family pay for two, single child pays for one.

Food costs split in same proportion or 2/5 parent 2/5 family 1/5 single child - regardless of what teen eats they have no income.

If there is an actual present to be given that should be split 3 ways between other parent and adult children. Spouse and teen do not have to pay a separate share.

In my family. We would just split this between siblings and absolutley wouldn't expect the other parent to pay.

It all seems very dramatic. Here, either the parents would pay for everything, or the children would split it, probably 50/50 but with the married sibling offering something extra.

It wouldn't be done as a surprise though because IMO that's all about givers, rather than the receivers. Let the birthday girl/boy look forward to the trip and plan their own wardrobe.

I know you’ve said it was mutual but if the other parent was the one to say “ shall we all go away together for x birthday “ then I’d expect them to pay for the parents. Then the two adult children to pay for themselves and their families ( appreciating one is single so would only pay for themselves ) . If it was either of the adult children who made the initial suggestion I’d do single adult pays for themselves and one parent. Married adult pays for their family and other parent. Try not to get too hung up and think of the benefit of getting along and having family time together as something you’re also paying for and are lucky to have. If this all causes grievance sorting the shopping bill / who pays what for a take away etc will be miserable.

Your family sounds so nice, reasonable and normal.

It all seems very dramatic.

I’m not sure how working out how something will be paid for is “dramatic”.

Whose idea was the trip? If parent 1 was involved in the plan they should pay something and the 25:25:50 split seems fair, but if the idea came from the children then I think split it 33:67.
With the qualifier that if the idea was only one child's and they imposed it on others, then they maybe ought to pay more especially if they are in a better financial position than others.

I’ve a dh and one dc and a single sibling. If it were me and my family needed 2 of the 4 bedrooms (which increases the cost) then I’d pay half and let my sibling and parents pay 25%. If I felt my parents couldn’t afford it then I’d just pay for them. If sibling and I arranged it fully then we’d both pay for our parents.

@GetBendyWithWendywhat has your sibling proposed in terms of cost split?

Nothing yet; I wanted to get views to see if my thinking was on the right lines.

This.

This split sounds terribly unfair to the sibling without children. Is it safe to assume you are one of the siblings with 2 or 3 DC? It isn't easy to say that its unfair to constantly subsidize nieces and nephews, so if I were the sibling with children, I would offer to pay more.

Absolutely how much of a piss taking freeloader would the parent of 3 be,to expect their child free sibling to fund their children!

Did you read my next comment on this?

Maybe read my post following this one before announcing that my sibling is a piss taking freeloader?

I have a similar relationship with my sibling. We don’t count the pennies. We’re just happy to be together.

Maybe you need to caveat your posts with
#NoDebate?

What are you talking about?

Depends on what people can afford, if I were the other parent I would pay for everyone, if not perhaps divded between the 4 adults?

In that case, there’s no point for a partner to ever give a present to the other ‘because it’s joint money‘

No, these are two different things. A spouse/partner giving a gift is just that, here is a gift. What they are not saying is ‘here is a gift, I’ve treated you to this and you don’t need to pay’. It’s implicitly accepted that the recipient spouse has indeed funded their own gift BUT that’s okay as it’s not the point of the gift.

However, children claiming to one parent that they have provided a gift to them, when making the other parent pay, is also making the recipient parent pay and that’s pretty disingenuous. If you are going to pull this then at least don’t claim it’s a ‘free gift’ to one parent, as it’s subsidising them paying a portion of their own gift.

Assuming there are 4 rooms (parents, married adult child, teen and single adult child) I think each adult child covers themselves (and family) and then half each for the parents.
So married child pays 2.5 rooms, and single child pays 1.5 rooms.

I think this seems reasonable, and makes it actually a gift.

So basically you’ve decided to all go away on hols together and your ‘gift’ is the birthday parent not paying.

As a birthday present go, I think it’s shit. It’s a present to yourself, something you want to do that happened to be around the date of the birthday parent. Not Somethimg planned around the birthday parent. So I hope you’ve also planned to give them a present too.

But as it’s a holiday and basically just that, then yes splitting it between adults sounds fairer.

Btw the idea that the 11yo would for a birthday gift too… Has it ever happened? Have you given a birthday present to your grand parents as a child/teenager?
Tbh we’ve never done that with our dcs. Nor have I ever given a birthday oresent to my own grand parents. Nor has dh. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ so yes, not a given at all.

If you read the poster's response to my saying this a tad more gently, you'll see - quite a bit ....