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AIBU?

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Original poster

DSS saying he wants to quit sixth form and I don’t know what to do

102 replies

StressedOutOctober · 30/09/2025 21:19

He’s just come in from KFC and said he’s done with sixth form he can’t do it anymore and wants to just work full time I honestly feel sick writing this I knew he was struggling but he’s only just restarted Y12 and it’s only been a few weeks 😭 I don’t know what to do at all I don’t want him wasting his life but he’s adamant it’s too much pressure and he’s tired all the time from working shifts as well

DP just said he needs to man up and get on with it which is easy for him to say he never helps with homework or goes to parents evening I’m the one who does all that I just feel like it’s all on me again and I’m not even his mum officially but I’m the one worrying sick while DP shrugs

AIBU to think he should at least try stick it out for the year and see how he goes or am I just forcing him into something he can’t do I don’t want to be the evil stepmum but I’m panicking he’ll throw everything away before he’s even started

OP posts:
fairlygoodmother · 30/09/2025 21:26

What is he doing at sixth form? If A levels, what were his GCSE grades? Does it seem to you that he should be able to manage with the right support or is he maybe trying something unrealistic?

Can he work less shifts?

And his dad needs to step up.

Notsuchafattynow · 30/09/2025 21:26

Is he working too much, how many hours is he doing at KFC.

It's always hard once they get a bit of money in their pockets. The lure of even min wage is great when you live at home and you have cash to spend.

Have you considered an apprentiship? Would he be more suited to that? Everyone has an academic point that they tap out at. Maybe he reached his? (This does not mean he is not intelligent).

Forcing him to stay could be the worst decision, even if him leaving currently feels like it is.

Your DH sounds rubbish with this 'man up' comments. Thank god your DS has you x

themerchentofvenus · 30/09/2025 21:29

Why is he repeating Y12? What are his long time goals?

I suggest you get in contact with the school and see if he can get an urgent careers appointment.

I teach Y12/13 and see lots struggle so its important to understand why he is struggling. If he is working shifts as well as doing A Levels this is going to be tough. A levels need 1 hour study per hour taught plus homework on top of this.

I teach lots who did really well at GCSE because they were just generally bright but then massively struggle with A Levels as they dont work the same way and you can't get away with just being bright.

MelliC · 30/09/2025 21:29

Encourage to quit KFC and focus on his studies for a bit
Try and get to the bottom of why he is saying this; are there friendship issues?
If it is 1st term of Y12, remind him this is like the gym. You increase the difficulty and you struggle at first, but the more you do it the easier it becomes.

Slothey · 30/09/2025 21:30

If both your DP and DS don’t care about academics you’re probably fighting a losing battle.

When you say ‘restarted’ Y12, do you mean he’s taking the year again, or just that he’s restarted school?

Either way, perhaps another path is right for him?

Minnie798 · 30/09/2025 21:30

I'd suggest to him that he quits KFC, not sixth form.

QuirkyHorse · 30/09/2025 21:33

Does he want to go to uni?
If he doesn't, he might as well quit now and not waste any more time.
Has he looked into apprenticeships? That would be preferable than working more hours at KFC.

GallifreyGirl · 30/09/2025 21:37

My son was doing A Levels he got excellent grades and if I’m honest we were all proud and maybe pushed the academic route. He was unhappy. It took bravery to tell me as I suspect it did for your son. My son is now doing a Mechanic apprenticeship and he loves it.
talk to him see what HE wants to do, it’s natural to want what we perceive as the best life for them. At the end of the day I just want my children to be happy.

Original poster
StressedOutOctober · 30/09/2025 21:38

Thanks everyone I feel so out my depth with it all 😔 he’s doing Business Media and Psychology and he did okish at GCSEs but not amazing he scraped through really and I think he thought a fresh start would make it easier but it’s not he’s already behind and it’s only been a couple of weeks

He’s doing about 20 hours at KFC sometimes more cos they ring him last minute and he never says no and then he’s knackered and moody and just wants to lie in bed on his phone he says at least with work he gets paid and he’s good at it and school just makes him feel thick

I did try saying maybe cut the shifts back but he said he needs the money for clothes trainers etc and DP just rolled his eyes and said he’s 17 let him get on with it 🙄

I don’t want to force him and make him resent me but equally I feel like if I don’t push him he’ll just chuck it all away and regret it later and then it will somehow be my fault anyway like everything else is round here

OP posts:
onlytakesaminute · 30/09/2025 21:48

There’s no way he should be working 20 hours a week whilst doing a levels. I’d say 8 hours max. Do school know he is working so many hours?

GoldPoster · 30/09/2025 21:52

My son went through this crisis. We went out for a curry and talked things through. He couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I managed to convince him that it wasn’t very long in the scheme of things and once through this he’d have many more options in front of him. He stayed on and eventually did a medical degree and is now a doctor.

ItIsNotTheDog · 30/09/2025 21:56

Why would stopping sixt form mean he would waste his life?

Original poster
StressedOutOctober · 30/09/2025 22:00

No the school don’t know how many hours he’s doing at KFC I haven’t told them and I doubt he has either he just shrugs when I mention it and says everyone works but I can see it’s too much cos he’s up till midnight then up early again for school and then he’s falling asleep on the sofa

He restarted Y12 cos he basically failed it last year he picked the wrong subjects and just stopped going half the time he said he couldn’t keep up and got behind and then once he got behind that was it so they let him re enrol this September with different options to give him another chance

I feel like if he quits this time then that’s it he won’t get another go and he’ll just be stuck in dead end jobs forever but then I sound harsh saying that don’t I I’m just so worried he won’t see how important it is until it’s too late

OP posts:
MigGirl · 30/09/2025 22:02

Dd's college recommend no more then 10 hours a week work while doing A-levels. She worked about 7, so he does need to cut back.

I think he sounds like he's maybe not into his A-levels and if he struggled with GCSE'S, I'd suggest looking at BTeC and TLevels or an apprenticeship if he really wants to work rather then study as it doesn't sound like he's suited to A-levels.

worcesterpear · 30/09/2025 22:03

Are there any college courses he might be interested in, like electrical engineering, plumbing or cookery? Just to take advantage of his free funding (it might not be too late to start one now if he switches soon).

He can always do an access course or open university in later life, but it doesn't sound as though sixth form is for him at the moment.

MigGirl · 30/09/2025 22:04

It's not to late in the term to look at BTec or T-levels but you'd really need to get going on this now. I do think he doesn't sound like A-levels are his best choice especially if he struggled last year.

tarheelbaby · 30/09/2025 22:06

It's worth earning some good A Levels. He can put them on his CV for his whole life. To achieve this, he'll need to cut back his KFC hours during termtime and maybe wear some older trainers... It's short-term loss of income to climb to higher levels in future. (it's true - google for statistics - higher levels of education completed usually = higher levels of income over a lifetime). He's still a teen so push him a little - he needs adult opinions and is more swayed by them than you'd think. Can you tell him a story of how your qualifications (or someone he knows) have uplifted them to a better standard of living (swank car, posh clothes, fancy holiday)
His dad's attitude is not helping.

Notsuchafattynow · 30/09/2025 22:07

A levels are quite a jump from gcses. If he scraped by his gcses, then A levels are going to be really hard.

I'd really look at alternative options.

groma · 30/09/2025 22:09

Please listen to him if he says he wants to leave sixth form. He has already restarted y12 for a second time, “scrapped” his GCSE’s and doesn’t sound like he is enjoying studying. Support him to do what he wants this year and remind him that he can choose a career at any age. Decisions at 17 are not the be all and end all. Many successful people do not find their “thing” until they are older. Don’t make him feel a failure.

Inlimboin50s · 30/09/2025 22:09

It's tricky because you can't physically make them want to carry on with studies.
I have similar with mine,he has just done a level 2 at college but doesn't want to go back,instead is working more shifts at a pub as a kitchen porter.

I'm frustrated and it worries me but then i look around at what his peers are doing and think ,actually,he's doing ok and things will work out

clubsspadesdiamondshearts · 30/09/2025 22:10

I left school at 16 after trying to juggle part time (24 hours!) work, placement and being at college.

When I quit I picked up more hours at work as well as volunteering 16 hours a week to get experience in the sector I wanted to work in.

It hasn’t held me back and I am earning well above average in a job I love and bought my first house at 24.

As long as he isn’t planning on dropping out and doing fuck all with his life let him make his own decisions.

ItIsReallyFine · 30/09/2025 22:14

It sounds as though A levels may be too difficult. Would it be an option to transfer to a further education college and train as an electrician or similar? If he is good in a shop then he might do well talking to customers in a trade role.

It sounds as though the work might be too hard tbh, if he didn't do that well in GCSEs. That's fine though because he sounds personable and able if he is doing a job and enjoying it.

CarefullyCuratedFurniture · 30/09/2025 22:15

If he left school, presumably he'd have to go full-time at KFC, he'd have to start paying keep to you, and pulling his weight around the house. Would KFC be likely to give him full time hours?

What about an apprenticeship or a BTEC, where he'd be doing more hands-on work? Or (and I know this is not a popular suggestion round here) would he consider joining the Armed Forces?

TheCurious0range · 30/09/2025 22:16

With those a level choices he probably isn't on a uni path, it costs so much now it's really not worth the money unless you really really want it. There are so many graduates not in graduate jobs too and a levels if you're not planning on uni don't really mean much. What else does he like?

My brother was bright but hated school didn't even hand in some of his GCSE coursework and got Bs. He eventually after a year or two of various dead end jobs, decided to train to be a plumber, he now does very specialist work on new large scale projects and has done additional qualifications around blueprint interpretation etc. He loves his work and earns very very well, he also didn't have the student loans to pay back that I did!

Greedybilly · 30/09/2025 22:18

Jeez It's too much working those hours and doing A levels. A levels are HARD and a massive step up!
Could you and him go and chat to tutors/head of year to see if they can help. We did this last year and rezlly helped dd stay on at college.
P.s New year- new man needed? Just a thought.The one you've got sounds a bit brain dead to say the least.
Good luck.x