DSS saying he wants to quit sixth form and I don’t know what to do

[StressedOutOctober]

He’s just come in from KFC and said he’s done with sixth form he can’t do it anymore and wants to just work full time I honestly feel sick writing this I knew he was struggling but he’s only just restarted Y12 and it’s only been a few weeks 😭 I don’t know what to do at all I don’t want him wasting his life but he’s adamant it’s too much pressure and he’s tired all the time from working shifts as well

DP just said he needs to man up and get on with it which is easy for him to say he never helps with homework or goes to parents evening I’m the one who does all that I just feel like it’s all on me again and I’m not even his mum officially but I’m the one worrying sick while DP shrugs

AIBU to think he should at least try stick it out for the year and see how he goes or am I just forcing him into something he can’t do I don’t want to be the evil stepmum but I’m panicking he’ll throw everything away before he’s even started

Sorry, but your husband is a dick. His son is under 18 and isn't in a full time job so expecting him to 'pay his way' is unfair. If he were post-University and living back at home, fair enough, but your DSS is in full-time education (even if he doesn't attend as much as he should) and your husband has a legal responsibility to financially support him.

Two pronged attack. PP suggestion of sixth form career advisor is spot on. He could also consider going to his old school (if different) and seeing if the careers advisor there can help. The fact he wants to work is a huge positive - he should be exploring vocational and apprenticeship options.

Secondly could he ask for a meeting at KFC to talk about any options for training, progression, apprenticeship if he does drop out. At his age his employer legally needs to be giving him training and with a big company like that they may well already have something in place. My friend's daughter did this even with her much smaller employer - she dropped out of college and her employer created an apprenticeship to keep her. I don't think it's all that onerous for them.

He could also look at McD's, Leon etc for equivalent training programmes as he would be a really good candidate.

Both vocational and on-the-job training have options where they are working 4 days and learning 1 day. That suits some YP really well.

That can all be pitched as leaning into his wish to work at KFC - great, what a great work ethic, now let's look at what we can tweak around that so you get the most from it.

If he did a catering course he would earn good money as a chef .Like another poster suggested looking into the Navy could be a good idea, if he is interested in catering/chef he could probably train with the Navy.

I was this child. Don’t force him. Let him work and realise that actually that’s much harder. I did the same and ended up going back to education when I was more mature and ended up with a 1st at uni.

Obvious solution is to quit the KFC job rather than education. Although I will say A Levels are not for everyone, hence why things like apprenticeships exist. Maybe help him look through some other options like that, he won’t fail without A Levels but he needs to stay in education in some way at least until 18.

@Sartre he doesn't "need to stay in education until 18" at all.
If he has a full time job it's fine.

BTEC is worth considering if he wants to move away from academic subjects. However my DS has started a level 3 extended diploma BTEC after middling GCSE results this summer and it’s been a lot of work already. It’s vocational in that it’s based on a specific field of work but it’s theoretical rather than practical. So it’s entirely classroom based with lots of written assignments. He’s already had 4 assignments to submit and has been working very hard outside the face to face teaching time. I don’t think it would be a good option for someone who doesn’t want to work consistently on something. There are no exams but the continuous assessment means you can’t coast for months and cram at the end (not that that’s a great idea for A levels either).

OP

How many 17 year olds do you know who have their entire life planned out? And if they do have they planned it or have their parents?

Most don't really know what they want to do. At 17 I didn't even know there was a career that I went into.

Working for a few years will give him opportunities to work out what he does want to do and how he wants to get there.

I did a year of sixth form then that was it, I was done. It’s completely fine, there are sooooo many options out there for your son. Let him work and earn some money. The time will come when it becomes a bit monotonous and unchallenging for him in which case he can do a college course, an Access to uni course, an apprenticeship, the world is his oyster. Gone are the days where you finish school= you’ve fucked your life up.

Yes, he didn’t actually have a plan, just wanted to leave school because he’d had enough.

I’m afraid I wasn’t prepared to support him in that attitude, although I didn’t put it like that. If he’d had a real interest and drive to do something else it would have been different.

Tell him he can get a job where he can buy WAY more trainers and clothes if he stays in education? Maybe look at different jobs with him and show him how much they pay?

20 hours a week is far too much when studying. My DS had similar at McDonald's it was just too much and he was miserable and I encouraged him to quit.
His education was more important although clearly he missed the money.
If he can find an 8-12 hour contract somewhere that's a lot more realistic but I know its really hard to find them.
Once he gets to year 13- exam year - he may need to give up work although, particularly after Xmas.
Trouble is his dad needs to be on side and you need to present a united front.
If ALevels or level 3 btecs really aren't for him as he's not academic , and they aren't for everyone, I would say if he finds an apprenticeship, ie a job with decent training and prospects then he can give up 6th form.
The only deviation from this was if he had serious MH issues and needed a compete reset/break.

I'm so glad this kid has got you OP because his parents sound pretty shite tbh. But A-levels are a huge step up from GCSE's and hard even if you aced GCSEs, I think he might be better off going down a different route. He can always do an access course if he wants to go to uni at a later date.

If he feels like he's successful at KFC and likes earning money then maybe there are opportunities for him to do apprenticeships and get qualifications while there. I don't know anything about it or if it's only at certain locations but it seems to suggest that's the case on their website.

https://careers.kfc.co.uk/life-at-kfc/career-development

Let him do it and work full time. It's not the big deal you might see it as. He can go back into education when he realises all the people earning more than him and not cleaning the toilets or frying chicken have some education. I left half way through A levels. Went through BTEC route 3 years after leaving uni and got a good degree and profession. None of our children went straight to university with 2 to 8 years before going. All got good degrees and one is doing her Masters another research at a uni abroad. It will not ruin his life. In fact it will enhance his life. He is more likely to make proper choses and work harder if he leaves it a couple of years. You can't force him to study and if he goes to uni to please you the chances of completion are low. He'll drop out after a year as per the other 20 perc who drop out because they are on the wrong course or didn't really want to be there in the first place. Go with it. But don't indulge or facilitate lazing around and not paying his way.

How is this helpful? Not to assume your age but I would guess my mortgage the cost of living and property is worse in 2025 that you experienced. It’s not realistic to say do a min wage job work your way up and own a home before 30 now

It's useful because it gives perspective that not doing A levels doesn't have to ruin your life, limit your earning capacity or meeting life goals. Hope that helps.

Don't force him to stay if he doesn't enjoy He won't end up doing well. Look at doing something more vocational or seeing if there are any apprenticeships about.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers a relative of mine dropped out of college at 17 (pretty much one term in as his birthday is early in the academic year).
Turned his part time job full time. Did the in-house management training scheme.
Bought a house at 24.
This happened last year by the way.

If he wants to leave let him leave

Education if available at any time

They don’t have guards on the front door of university, turning everyone over the age of 21 away.

Let him work for a bit whilst he figures out what he wants to do. Better to take time, and be happy, than feel pushed into A-levels / university.

..what’s the rush ?

His dad is a prize isn't he? I would maybe investigate the apprenticeship idea and find out what's available to him. I honestly wouldn't bother with the psychology unless he's really interested. My dd did really well at that and did forensic psychology at uni as advised by school and absolutely hated it, to get a decent job in that field you have go on to get further qualifications which she didn't do.

It's really good that he's got you in his corner even if he doesn't realise it.

When I did that in Lower Sixth, nothing much was making sense for me, having breezed through all previous years.

Mum said I couldn't quit until I had a job.

So I went on job interviews, ironically at a university, where I'd be prepping stuff for students (who at 19 would be starting to learn studf i already knew at 17).

And then she also insisted that we do a proper budget based on the income from that job, itemising everything from rent and food to social costs, etc.... cos I sure wasn't going to be staying at home rent-free.

Then she asked how I'd feel watching the students I was helping progress onward while I carried on doing the same thing.

Wise woman my mum.

By the time we'd gone through all that the world of work didn't seem so attractive, and the additional term that passed made me realise I could actually understand all the new stuff.

So I ended up staying. 4x A's in the old A-level world, another 5 O-levels, and the choice of universities. Thanks mum.

Might be different for your son, but worth talking through his motivation and options with him

He needs to stop working and focus on school. Could his father provide a few luxuries as incentives to help keep him focused on his goals? Also his dad should be helping him with homework and organization if needed.

I fought with my parents to let me leave my grammar school when I was 17 and eventually they let me. Went to work in a crappy job for 8 months and to pay rent which was almost half my £600 monthly salary. I had to work my backside off with few prospects and a shit working environment before finally I admitted defeat and asked my parents if I could leave work and go to college. They enthusiastically agreed and I went back, did my A levels in a year, scraped into uni, and three degrees later I’m a senior academic at a well known university.

Sometimes they’re just not ready for more learning. In your shoes I’d be tempted to let him take a year out, but he has to up his hours or seek full time work. Ask for rent (you can save it for him if you like but he needs to understand his full economic cost). At the end of the year he has to get an apprenticeship or go back to college with a solid plan for the next 2-3 years. Ask him if KFC do apprenticeships - leadership and management/catering etc. It might be a way of developing a career track for him.

I’m 26 and bought my house last year, so yes it’s pretty relevant and I learnt to save at 16 when I was earning my first wage.

Haven't read everything, but this post stuck out to me as I agree so much.
I'm in my 50s now but was your DSS. I changed my A level options 3 times in th first half term before telling my mum I was done with school. I got a full time job and left at the flat half term breK in October! I subsequently went to college part time through work and later, again through work, went to uni to do a degree. Leaving 6th form isn't necessarily a bad thing. Talk to him and explore apprenticeships or other work options.