Is there a worrying class divide with parenting?

[teaandcupcake]

I saw a tweet (and subsequent TikTok) about this and found it interesting.

The author of the tweet and the girl on TikTok were basically saying they notice the way their middle-class friends parent their small kids is screen-free, lots and lots of books, lots of time and attention. Their toddlers can read and write. In contrast, teacher friends at deprived primaries have shared stories of reception starters in nappies, children who have no idea how to turn the page of a book or use a knife and fork.

The concern being that the divide between middle-class and working-class children is going to be so vast in the future we ‘can’t even fathom it right now’

I found it interesting as the topic of reception children starting school without reaching basic milestones has been discussed on here many times before but not whether it’s class issue and what’s causing this.

The class divide has been well known for a long time. Look up education and cultural capital. Thinking about it, there has never been a time when it hasn’t been a thing. During the 80/90s social mobility started to increase but that has gone backwards again. For years there has been campaigns like book start it give children their own book.

I live in a very middle class area. No one’s under 3s are reading and writing. On average the children in our area have a reading age of 4 years above their age. But I’m increasingly seeing two parents working long hours, often not using after school care and leaving their children on device while they continue to wfh after they’ve done the school pick up.

This has always been the case. Generally speaking, parents with more time, money and less stress will find it easier to adopt the healthier parenting methods.

Neurodiversity and inability to function in society doesn’t seem to be class-based though.

I think it's a bit more complicated than that.

Issues in families can be caused by a wide range of things.

Oversimplistic class stereotypes are not very helpful.

I don’t think it could divide it along class lines. I too am a teacher and see the majority of families wanting to do the best by their children no matter the income. I also have many middle class friends and I can’t say I see a particular trend of zero screen time etc. and they are just as likely to have late potty training. Our new starters this term contain several children who can’t use a knife and fork, can’t put a coat on or get their own shoes on their feet. All of them come from middle class backgrounds.
There will be a gap, there always has been, but I don’t think it’s strictly about class.

its ALL money. Gap between rich and poor biggest ever been.

The working classes are under terrible pressure with the cost of living, I personally know people with 3 jobs. Grey with tiredness and exhaustion, doing they’re fucking best against a backdrop of low wages where the business owners are coining it in.

Disgraceful state of affairs, end stage capitalism

True but I would imagine middle-class parents may have an easier time accessing or navigating access to support etc

I agree that it isn't just about class, but I agree there's a gulf, primarily between those who allow excessive screen use (for understandable reasons) and those who don't (and make parenting instantly far more labour intensive- you just HAVE to interact far more).

The 'digital divide' is real, but running in the opposite direction to how the phrase was originally used. It's those with devices (at a young age) not without, who will be disadvantaged.

Edited to add: totally agree that those struggling to make ends meet are more likely to be in the latter category.

A teacher on the radio was saying the nappy problem is across classes. Eg working parents not finding the time or commitment to potty train.

It’s a lazy stereotype though there’s probably some truth in it (but how much is different, class wise, frol previous generations?), but the quantity, type and restrictions on screen time are real. But it’s much easier to spend quality non-screen time with kids when you’re not knackered from working crazy hours to keep a roof above your head.

Oh yes, definitely agree.

I just wondered whether that divide is getting even bigger now as tweet suggests?

It was ever thus

Oversimplistic class stereotypes are not very helpful.

Agreed. The most upper middle class of my friends are the ones most guilty of outsourcing their parenting to YouTube. They work crazy hours and they don't actually have a lot of energy left for parenting.

The more working class families round where I am have their kids in all kinds of sports, so screens are minimised for that reason. I'm in ROI, so the culture might be slightly different here, but I agree stereotypes aren't helpful.

It’s always been the case. That’s why there’s 15 hours childcare available for families from 2 years old when in receipt of certain benefits, it’s an attempt to close that gap. Obviously yes it’s a lot more complicated than just class or income but at a population level they absolutely impact.

I started primary school at 5 in the 1960s with no idea how to do shoe laces or buttons or use cutlery. I could read fluently though and spent a lot of the school day working my way through the book collection.

This has always been the argument against the 11+

That it is simply a test of social class

We have a similiar % of children in poverty as in 1999.

Yes, middle class parents are better able to access support for ND children but that can still take years, a lot of money and many court cases and support helps it doesn’t solve the problem.

It is now. But it definitely used to allow bright children from working class backgrounds a more academic education. MIL’s DH (in his 80s now) is a good example of this - solidly south east London working class who got into a grammar school.

There has also been a creep of a general lack of interest in education or “bettering yourself”. Look at how little adult education there is.

Someone recently pointed out in a thread that in the past working class
people had a lot better vocabulary and were more articulate than nowadays.

I know class is a minefield topic but - the disadvantaged children you’re describing don’t sound wc to me. I was a teacher for years in an area with a very mixed demographic and the wc families were not the way you describe. Their parents did manual or non- professional jobs but the children were as loved and attended to as their mc classmates, and just as bright and well-adjusted.

I think you’re talking about what sociologists used to term the underclass (Marx’s lumpen proletariat category) which is a deprived, disadvantaged and often dysfunctional group very much separate from the wc. Yes, I can believe those children would be very much disadvantaged.

My sil suggested I was abusing my kids because they didn’t have an x box and tv in each of their rooms - how were they going to socialise she demanded! I knew I was surrounded by middle class parents who would refuse to allow the x box to be the source of socialising and I was right - my kids played on the Xbox when they were in the same room as their friends. They ate dinner at the table with us parents too! They still come around to visit and eat dinner with us now they’re in their 20s.

I don’t think it’s to do with class. I’m middle class and have a mix of middle and working class friends. Our DCs are basically brought up the same, we don’t ban screen time but do limit it, read with DCs every day, spend time doing their phonics and handwriting practice, make sure we attend parents evening and other school meetings and let them do a couple of extracurricular activities a week each. This is the same for all my friends. There is a group of parents at school who don’t take an interest in their children’s education, don’t read to them often, don’t attend the school meetings and generally just leave their children to do what they like after school, but they aren’t all from one class/one background.

There was a discussion on VAT on private healthcare and someone on it stated that they got an EHCP and a place at a specialist school for their child within 7 months. This is pretty much unheard of anywhere surely. The only way the parent could have achieved this is if they knew the system inside out, had contacts, powerful friends, knew what to put on each form, knew that you have to appeal a rejected EHCP application, how to do that, have any funds necessary for advice. It’s that sort of thing that will sort the middle class kids life chances out from the working class kids.

A lot of middle-class parents barely see their kids because they’re working so much.

I hear you. It is really exaggerated now especially with house prices in catchment areas being astronomical with today's housing market making the barrier to entry for the less well off incredibly high.

Social mobility has been rolled backwards, however, the 11+ has always been a test that favoured children of higher socio-economic backgrounds.

I'm not sure OP.

As people have said there have always been class differences. Very serious differences tend to focus not so much on the employed working classes, in my experience, but those with precarious lives. Single parents often, maybe on benefits, maybe a drug problem, maybe mentally ill. The kids in these families have always struggled.

But more recently, it seems to me there are problems with kids even in fairly middle class families. There are a few families as you say putting kids into no screen environments and such, but they seem to be very few. More in very upper middle class/wealthy families. Much of the middle classes seem as oblivious to the problems of the tech their kids are consuming - including in school - and the parents in my opinion are largely overwhelmed by work and don't have the energy to get a handle on it.

Schools crazily don't seem to be working all that hard at getting everyone reading and writing but instead are focused on a lot of extras including way too much tech in the classroom.