Is DH being a CF when he works at home?

[BabyNo2Soon]

DH works from home twice a week, I’m here with our 14 month old DS on those same days, and I work part time on the other days of the week.

On the two days he’s at home, he almost immediately goes out on a walk as ‘he’s been stuck in working all day and needs fresh air’. The walk is for about 30 minutes.

AIBU to think he should help me out first of all and take DS from me so I can have a break myself? I wouldn’t mind if he then went out a bit later…

Can't he just take DS for a walk with him? Two birds, one stone...?

I don’t think taking half an hour to get some fresh air after being inside all day is an issue at all.

Sorry OP, but I think you are being a little unreasonable, your DH has been working, and feels the need for fresh air when he's finished, which I can understand, but surely you can ask him to take your little one with him, that way you both get what you want.

This.
He is a CF.
Tell him to take his son with him.

He probably uses it people use a commute, to collect your thoughts and switch off from work mode.

I work at home and really need time to decompress after work and to be able to go into family mode. This used to happen on the commute home but that doesn't happen anymore.

i wouldn't begrudge half an hour walk after work if he is otherwise pulling his weight. If he worked outside the home, he wouldn't be home the second he finished work anyway.

Mmm, I'm in two minds here. I think it would come down to what he does when he does get back from his walk? Does he get stuck in and help at that point or not?

Because one of the things I have found hard about WFH sometimes is that I'm working and busy and trying to finish... and then 15 seconds after I shut my computer I'm in the trenches and it's a bit exhausting frankly. So I have started taking "commuting time" which is 20 minutes of reading or whatever.

But, I DO get stuck in as soon as I'm back and of course, I'm not doing that if I'm already working later than usual etc. And DH gets plenty of downtime - m ost notably as the momeny I appear he becomes invisible!

Have you asked if he could help you out first? Have you asked if he could take the 2 yrnold with him?

Agreed - good solution. I love a walk after being indoors all day and extra fresh air for DS.

why don’t you all go!

Shove something in the oven, then off the the of you go to reconnect and have a nice walk?

i mean if you think he’s phoning the OW then fair enough, but it’s good for mind and body to get up and be outside after a day at the desk.

I think a half hour walk at the end of WFH is pretty reasonable. Does it coincide with a difficult time of day eg DS dinner time or something? Otherwise, can't he have DS for a while after, or prep dinner, do bathtime etc?

Meh..

Leave him with the baby 8-9am and get some fresh air and decompress yourself.
Or go for a 30 min walk after he gets back in

If he was going for jog, id understand it more but just going for a casual walk for 30 minutes, yeah, he could take the baby with him especially if it coincides with wanting to get dinner on and having a bit of a reset.

Next time, get baby ready to go in the pram.

You need to compromise its 2 days. One of the days he can go for a walk by himself the other day he puts little one in the pushchair and walks him

I don't think that's unreasonable after being at work all day... I like that I have some time to decompress on my commute after work before going home to everyone. My job is very people focused and full on and I benefit from some time just for me before then being with people again,even though they are my family and I love them, I need to just zone out from people for a bit

As long as you both have the opportunity to have "me time" then I wouldn't begrudge him this

Presumably you rush straight home on your working days?

I bet OP wishes there was a head clearing commute for being a SAHM 😆

I’m guessing she probably does, probably via nursery and the supermarket too.

OP isn't a SAHM.

Do you get 30 mins to decompress as well? I’m gonna guess no…

Let him decompress after work, FFS.

But make sure he lets you decompress on your days after work, too.

FFS 😉

I can see both sides with this. He needs time to switch off from work, but you feel that you don’t get to benefit from him working at home, since he doesn’t switch to family time any earlier (I assume). I think the walk with DC is ideal as a compromise, if that works for both. If it doesn’t, would it help if he took sole charge of your DC at lunchtime so that you get a break then?

So the issue isn't his walk but when he times it?

What does he do when he gets back? Is he fully switched on to parenting and conscious of giving you a break, or does he stroll back in and ask what's for dinner?

There's no black or white answer to this question IMO, it all depends on his overall attitude towards you and his role as a parent. If he uses it to clear his head, then comes back better for it then I can't see why it would be such a problem, it's hard to go from work mode to full on parent mode without a break in between.

On the face of it, I don't think he is being unreasonable going out for 30 min.

I do have more breaks when I am with the kids than when I work from home (nap for a start).

As others have said though, why is he not taking the baby with him?