Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To not send my son money for food?

89 replies

pleasecomebacksummer · 29/09/2025 18:42

My 14 year old came home from school today telling me he wants to go meet his friends (this is very rare). I say fine, what about tea? (He spent his £40 per month pocket money mostly on sweets so has no money to buy food). He asked if I can sent him money. I say no, either eat now or take food with you. He says no, I need to leave now and he’s not taking a bag. I say, well your choice don’t ask me to send you money

1 hour later he texts for money for food. Literally 20 texts begging. I say no and offer to pick him up early as he claims he’s starving. He says no, don’t do that

I stand my ground and don’t send him any money.

for back ground, I always offer him to ran extra money by doing jobs but he never wants to.

am I being unreasonable to not send him money? I think that if I bail him out all the time when I make it clear that I won’t, what message am I sending him?

OP posts:

Newnamesameme · 29/09/2025 18:44

I wouldn't have let him go with no money, could you not have taken out of next weeks allowance. Or tell him he needs to agree to chores to earn in advance? It's probably quite embarrassing for him to have no money with friends

Littletreefrog · 29/09/2025 18:44

As someone who has a son who very rarely goes out with friends I would have given him the money as an advance on next months pocket money so he could have a nice time with his friends.

Newnamesameme · 29/09/2025 18:44

Barrenfieldoffucks · 29/09/2025 18:44

If he rarely sees his friends and it is something you want to encourage, I'd have (and do) chuck him a fiver for a meal deal or a savers thing from McDonalds. Unless you literally can't afford it obviously.

We're on the same team here, if it became a regular thing and was putting a strain on finances we'd have a word.

Cocotok · 29/09/2025 18:44

I think given you’ve said it’s very rare for him to go out with friends yabu.

I get where you’re coming from about not always bailing him out but there’s a time and place for life lessons and I don’t think this is it. At 14 I would be encouraging him to make plans and meet up with friends and would certainly give a little extra cash to make that possible.

Abominableday · 29/09/2025 18:44

Does sending him money mean you don't have enough? I'd have sent him enough for a cheap McDonalds, but not enough for a Nando's.
Depends how often he does it but it's quite nice for them to have friends and be sociable

Linenpickle · 29/09/2025 18:45

He never goes out with friends and so you were mean. You should have given him the money and taken it off the next pocket money.

Maxorias · 29/09/2025 18:45

I'd be concerned that he wanted the money for something else than food. Sounds very weird that he HAS to buy food rather than eat before leaving or take a snack with him.

Any chance his friends wanted to buy alcohol or other such things ?

Almost2026 · 29/09/2025 18:45

I’m on the fence, and probably would have given in.
You say he doesn’t go out very often so I’d be pleased that he was going out and it’s embarrassing for teens of all their friends are buying food and they can’t.
Id probably bring it up again next time his pocket money is due that he needs to remember to save some for future trips out.

AmberSpy · 29/09/2025 18:45

Poor boy – at that age being able to go out with your mates and have a burger or similar is a huge deal! He won't be a teen for that long, let him make some memories with his friends.

TomatoSandwiches · 29/09/2025 18:46

I would have given him £5 and taken it out of next set of pocket money.

Newname71 · 29/09/2025 18:47

Maxorias · 29/09/2025 18:45

I'd be concerned that he wanted the money for something else than food. Sounds very weird that he HAS to buy food rather than eat before leaving or take a snack with him.

Any chance his friends wanted to buy alcohol or other such things ?

Not that weird if his friend had money for maccies or something. No one wants to turn up with a homemade sandwich if a McDonald’s is in the cards

Goldenbear · 29/09/2025 18:47

I would send my late teen money for food so at 14 I think YABU unless of course you don't have it. I think if it is rare it would have been a nice thing to provide somas not to feel left out.

Sirzy · 29/09/2025 18:48

If he rarely goes out then I would have given something as a one off this time and then talk to him about what you will do in future when home.

Needmorelego · 29/09/2025 18:48

You should have given him a tenner.
At 14 he shouldn't be expected to pay for meals.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 29/09/2025 18:48

Edited:

initially i though Yanbu.
He had various options to eat if he wanted and he wont starve from missing a singular meal.
The 20 texts would also piss me off and id say no.

Buttttt I assume this was a regular thing and missed the rarely bit!!!!!

Given that I think YABU...social stuff is big deal as a teen.
I would sent him a tenner and talk to him about planning in advance in future. If you feel that hard line about it take it off next months money

ApricotCheesecake · 29/09/2025 18:49

As you say he rarely goes out I would have given him the money (and taken it out of future allowances). It's a bit sad to think of him out with his friends but not able to buy food.

HollyhockDays · 29/09/2025 18:49

Oh I feel for him. He just wanted to fit in. Who wants to bring a packed tea out with friends and if the hang involves food then he looks different. I’d have sent him money and taken it out of next weeks pocket money.

MaskAndMartini · 29/09/2025 18:49

You're mean. I would never leave my DS without money. I am so happy when he goes out with friends so will always send money for KFC, Macca's, whatever.

Unless you are literally down to your last fiver there is no excuse. This is the kind of thing kids remember.

If you give me his Venmo details, I'll send him some money. Poor kid.

Comedycook · 29/09/2025 18:50

As you said it's rare he goes out with friends I'd have absolutely sent him the money and dealt with how he's going to earn it back afterwards.

Poirot1983 · 29/09/2025 18:52

I couldn’t think of my child bring hungry or not being able to buy food when his friends are. At that age my son sometimes clubbed together for a takeaway pizza with mates when out. It’s a fun thing to do.

Goldenbear · 29/09/2025 18:52

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 29/09/2025 18:48

Edited:

initially i though Yanbu.
He had various options to eat if he wanted and he wont starve from missing a singular meal.
The 20 texts would also piss me off and id say no.

Buttttt I assume this was a regular thing and missed the rarely bit!!!!!

Edited

Surely the 20 messages was a sign of desperation as at his end he was trying to fit in - how sad for him..

MaskAndMartini · 29/09/2025 18:52

My DH's parents were mean like this. Never gave him anything extra. He had to earn everything. He's an adult now and hates them for how begrudging they were to him as a child. Consequently, he goes to the ends of the earth for our DC and never begrudges them anything.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 29/09/2025 18:54

Goldenbear · 29/09/2025 18:52

Surely the 20 messages was a sign of desperation as at his end he was trying to fit in - how sad for him..

Show quote history

Yeah i edited my post as missed the (very important) rarely bit....

I was mentally picturing a teen who was regularly out all hours...

I feel for him and agree it was prob desperation to fit in. teenage years are rough...

zipadeedodah · 29/09/2025 18:55

I agree with other posters I feel sad for your ds having to sit there with no food while his mates are all chowing down. He probably felt embarrassed and humilliated.

A tenner for a teenager who rarely goes out is very little - most teens cost A LOT more than £40 a month.

You were being unreasonable on this occasion but i've got a feeling there is a drip-feed coming about how his dad never gives you a penny etc etc.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread