Two adults cornered and scolded my 7yo

[Rosie5832]

At a classmate’s birthday party, my child was cornered by the parents of another classmate. They accused him of bullying their son and told him to stop it. He said he wasn’t doing that and they kept on shouting at him that he was.
After this, he was very upset and was crying inconsolably.
Another parent - the mum of the birthday child - went to his assistance and messaged me telling me to return to the party as my son needed me, and that she couldn’t settle him at all (I had left for an hour). While she was messaging me, these two parents came over to her and told her my son was a bully - he was right there and still crying. She told them to back off. When I arrived, they rushed straight over to me and told me that my son was bullying their son etc. No acknowledgment from them that they had cornered him alone and shouted at him. It was only later at home that he told me what had happened, I called the other mum and she confirmed it, describing the way they approached me as an ‘ambush’. She said the whole party turned into a ‘sh*tshow’ because of the way these parents were behaving, and all the other parents - and probably some of the kids - could see what had happened.
I’m in shock over this. I’m meeting with the school teacher today to alert her to this incident and to make sure my son is kept safe in school.
I want to say something to these parents about their behaviour. Imo they were completely out of line, and all the other mums I’ve spoken to since agree that you never confront a child alone like that, regardless of what issue you have with them.
On the way in to school this morning, my son stopped dead just before the door and said, “why didn’t you stay at the party?”. He was clearly thinking about the whole incident and probably concerned that he would encounter these parents at the school.
Has anyone any experience of this kind of behaviour from other parents?

My son was bullied for years through primary and one day I collected him - he was crying!
After the mother having rose coloured glasses and not dealing I confronted him myself!
Later that night his mum brought him to mine to apologise.
He terrorised the kids in the estate as well

I particularly love the faux naive responses that start with ‘gosh!’

It is irrelevant. Even if he did, this is not the way for the parents to approach the situation.

My son WAS bullied at school. School were absolutely fucking useless.
So I told the kid off myself. In the playground when I collected my son.
Yes- he got upset.
Yes- I got evicted from the school playground.
And Yes... the bullying stopped. Odd that eh?
Do I give a shit that I upset the bully? Not. One. Bit.

You’re right, there’s not enough information here for you to assume:

Making their child very unhappy
School being useless
relentlessly bullied at the hands of her son
they were probably desperate
told their child to hit yours

Where did you get all that from?

To all the posters saying that this “must have come from somewhere” that “this doesn’t come out of nowhere” and “your son must have done something,”… can we assume then that if a child is bullied by another child, he must have done something to provoke it? Excellent. So bullies are in fact victims and the children they bully are clearly responsible for being bullied as this behaviour just doesn’t come out of nowhere.

Fab, glad we’ve cleared that up..

So bullying in fact is a myth, on the whole it’s just about people, parents and children alike, reaching the end of their tether and dealing with the issue in the only way that is left to them.

Nope, didn’t think so.

Even if he had, do you think it’s acceptable for two adults to corner a 7 year old child in the absence of that child’s parents and shout at him? Because if you do, you’re condoning child abuse.

and the parents bullied a 7 year old! awful

Isn't 7 a little young to be alone at w birthday party??

Approaching your son, a child, like that is cowardly. They should be ashamed no matter how emotional the situation may be.

call them out on that and clearly inform them that they need to address this with you and not an ill informed child.

shame on them

Not really. Most parents will leave at reception or y1 age at the latest.

It can depend on the venue i.e. if in a public place then parents more likely to stay but if at a house then more likely to drop and run. I had a party for my DS in reception just weeks after they started, half the parents stayed and the other half couldn’t get away fast enough and returned two hours later. There’s no right or wrong once they start school.

Shhhh you might make people’s heads hurt and they’re only here to put the boot in!

Agree with many above - first conversation is that no one should be talking to your son like this, that's just unacceptable. But you didn't actually say if your son actually is bullying this other child. It seems really unhinged to do this out of nowhere, so is there some sort of background here?

My daughter was bullied when she was a bit older and my husband was insisting he'd go speak to her and her mother and I very much insisted he did not as it didn't seem like something that would end well for anyone. It was a hideous experience watching your child suffering like this and if these parents are like me, they'll be at the ends of their tethers. No excuse though as your son is a small child and it's not their job to chastise him - they should have come to you.

So I'd want to address both things - an absolute insistence nothing like this ever happens alongside a serious conversation about what exactly is happening.

Do parents stay with their children at birthday parties these days? Is that standard practice for a 7 year old? I'm assuming the party was just in someone's house and not a pool party or something like that.

I was accused of bullying when I was 7. It didn't come from anywhere, other than a crazy mum who was jealous of me and her daughter who wouldn't leave me alone at school. The mum confronted me in the school playground! Because I'd come in with my friend and her mum and she realised that she could.

If a parent's first reaction is to confront and bully a child at a party then I think you can see on what side any bullying may be happening and where it is coming from.

Speak to the school. And speak to your own DC.

Tell DC that if he’s uncomfortable with the way other adults are treating him he needs to find the adult in charge and get them to phone you.

I would not engage with the other parents at all, other than a brief text message to say you’ve spoken to school and you intend to leave the matter with them.

Do not leave your DC at any other parties in the meantime or in other situations where he could be approached by them or their DC.

I’ve only googled quickly, but I think cornering, yelling at and causing a child to cry (esp one unrelated to you) is actually child abuse and/or a public order offence. I’d be speaking to the school and threatening to contact the police to take things further.

Furthermore, it is pretty irrelevant whether the OP’s DS has been ‘bullying’ the other child. That is something that a) should be investigated by the school and b) done sensitively as we’re talking about 7 year olds, not knifed up 15 year olds in county lines gangs.

It may very well be that OP’s DS has been a bit of a shit and needs to be disciplined thoughtfully at school - and consequences implemented at home in concert - but cornering and abusing another person’s child is criminal.

I have my doubts, however. I am going to guess that these generally abusive parents are probably vile to their child and that when he was found out to have broken/lost/damaged something their child may have made up a story to deflect their ire. I suspect that there is a safeguarding issue for their child at the heart of this.

Either way, the school needs to be contacted as a matter or urgency and the safeguarding team involved to make sure a full investigation is carried out and that BOTH boys involved are protected.

Why didn't you say something at the time though? Why didn't you have his back and point out that the way they have dealt with this at another child's birthday party is completely inappropriate, particularly to speak to your son like that when he was on his own and gang up on him?

My totally mild mannered dad lost his temper with this woman after she started on at him at the dance class we both went to. She never bothered me again after that, it was also dealt with through the school and her daughter left me alone too.

Id be surprised if there were any more of a handful, but what's that got to do with this thread?

Inappropriate behaviour towards one child doesn't make a universal child hater

I was talking about the "oh well he must have done something" brigade.

This happened to my son, he was not accused of bullying but told to stop "showing off" because he came top in the times tables test every week. 2 adults verbally abusing a child over a tables test! The school banned them from the playground.

Well is your son being a bully? if he is it was maybe necessary. My daughter was being attacked at school and coming home covered in bruises. the school done nothing and blamed it on additional support needs of the boy doing the attacking it. I spoke to mother nicely and she acted like the sun shone out of her child’s backside and she clearly didn’t care. Next time I seen the child alone I told him straight that the next time he touched my daughter I would arrange for the exact thing to be done to him. he never layed a finger on her again. sometimes it’s necessary.

I hit YABU by mistake sorry.

YANBU. Two adults should not be ganging up on a child like that.

Those parents are in wrong but I am also surprised that op and some posters think it is not relevant at all if her son has been bullying the other child.

Moral of the story is neither party ( adults) care about the other child.

Yes op should complain but also it is important to find out if op’s son has been bullying other child. If he is then it’s OP’s responsibility to teach him that he needs to stop.

What did your son do? Is he a bully?