Two adults cornered and scolded my 7yo

[Rosie5832]

At a classmate’s birthday party, my child was cornered by the parents of another classmate. They accused him of bullying their son and told him to stop it. He said he wasn’t doing that and they kept on shouting at him that he was.
After this, he was very upset and was crying inconsolably.
Another parent - the mum of the birthday child - went to his assistance and messaged me telling me to return to the party as my son needed me, and that she couldn’t settle him at all (I had left for an hour). While she was messaging me, these two parents came over to her and told her my son was a bully - he was right there and still crying. She told them to back off. When I arrived, they rushed straight over to me and told me that my son was bullying their son etc. No acknowledgment from them that they had cornered him alone and shouted at him. It was only later at home that he told me what had happened, I called the other mum and she confirmed it, describing the way they approached me as an ‘ambush’. She said the whole party turned into a ‘sh*tshow’ because of the way these parents were behaving, and all the other parents - and probably some of the kids - could see what had happened.
I’m in shock over this. I’m meeting with the school teacher today to alert her to this incident and to make sure my son is kept safe in school.
I want to say something to these parents about their behaviour. Imo they were completely out of line, and all the other mums I’ve spoken to since agree that you never confront a child alone like that, regardless of what issue you have with them.
On the way in to school this morning, my son stopped dead just before the door and said, “why didn’t you stay at the party?”. He was clearly thinking about the whole incident and probably concerned that he would encounter these parents at the school.
Has anyone any experience of this kind of behaviour from other parents?

Putting aside the bullying question, why are they both (I mean, why either?) at a 7 year old's birthday party (assuming NT child). Was it a sting operation? A setup? Were they hoping to catch your kid in the act?

Maybe your son is actually a bully and the parents had enough. I was at a party on Saturday and one boy was just out of control. He started hitting another child and their parents came over and pulled him off. And scolded him. I was right there and saw it all. It doesn’t matter that he was 3yo, every single other child there behaved themselves. You could see the parents were dying to defend him, but many parents spoke up with how he was being rough with their kids too.

Irrelevant. Whatever a 7 year old has or has not done, it is not on for him to be cornered by two unknown adults at a birthday party. That really IS bullying and grown adults should definitely know better.

@Rosie5832

Your posts are very focused on the behaviour of the adults, and not the behaviour of your DC.

This would not normally have come out of nowhere.

I’d focus on establishing the facts of what your DC actually did, as a starting point. Once you know that, you can make a better decision as to how to proceed.

With no more knowledge of this at the moment I'm inclined to think that the other kid made up some stuff to not get caught and his parents (who are unhinged) did that to your son.
Why do I think like this? because I have a tendency to believe that kids made things up to get away and not being punished and the couple reaction tells me that they are not particularly calm people.
Can I be wrong? Of course I can. But I only have a few paragraphs of information.

Regardless of that, The fact that the OP hasn’t heard of this before, the fact that the school haven’t been in touch about it, the fact that the parents themselves are bullies all point to the other child being the problem.

IME the more aggressive the parents the more likely the whole thing is made up bollocks from the other child.

And aside from that, where does this “maybe it was the last straw” argument end? In this instance it’s apparently that their child is being bullied, and regardless of the fact they haven’t mentioned it to anyone before the last straw was to corner said child at a birthday party. Justified? No? Didn’t think so.

What about other scenarios. Discipline for instance. Child has been repeatedly badly behaved, parent has tried everything, time out, loss of privileges, removal of screen time/treats and nothing has had any effect. child misbehaves again and the last straw happens when the parent pins the child up against a wall and shouts in their face, smacks them perhaps, locks them in their bedroom without any dinner. Hey but the child is at fault right? For the parents this was just the last straw.

That’s ok is it? Nope. Didn’t think so.

Stop using the “it was the last straw” bullshit argument to justify aggression on the part of grown adults.

IME the more aggressive the parents the more likely the whole thing is made up bollocks from the other child.

This is what I've seen over the years as well.

Shocking amount of victim-blaming on this thread. No matter what the son had done (if anything) the actions of the adults in this situation were wholly unacceptable.

Ffs. This is a young boy who was intimidated, shouted at with nobody to help him and made to cry by adults! They should know better!

There are many different ways to speak about bullying and get to the bottom of it. This is not one of them! I cannot believe the number of adults on this thread calling out a 7 year old, instead of the actual adults who were being the bullies! Nobody should be bullying a child. Disgraceful behaviour and anybody condoning it should be ashamed.

I really hope your little boy is OK, op. I know it would take a lot to hold your tongue and not confront those parents. I'm raging on your behalf!

This isn’t the sort of thing parents would usually do and I’d assume your son has made their child very unhappy and school was being useless. Especially for it to be 2 different adults.

I think if their child was being relentlessly bullied at hands of your son, school being useless it’s not unreasonable to say ‘you’ve got to leave our children alone’ and tell him off. They were probably desperate.

Obviously if they hadn’t talked the school or told their child to hit yours (yes yes controversial) to sort it first, then it’s more unreasonable. Really missing so much information to give a fair answer

Mumsnet is like another planet sometimes 🤦‍♀️ its never ok for two adults to corner a young child and rant at them until they are in tears! If those cowardly idiots thought their child truly was being bullied why didn't they go to the school and get it dealt with properly? If they really had to talk to OP themselves then they needed to wait until she was there - preferably without her ds! Sounds to me like like they waited to target OP's kid when there was no one to protect him. And shame on other parents who witnessed it but didn't intervene.

It’s a bizarre way to handle it if their child is being bullied. They effectively ruined a third child’s birthday party.

What you need to do now, is playing them at their own game. Find someone bigger than them and have them go and have words.

By bigger, I mean the police.

I would tell them not to step foot near your child again or you'll report them to the police for harassing a child (and assault as well, if they lay a finger on him)

Tell your child to shout "Help, help! These people are bad" very loudly if they come near him again.

Yes, you and the school need to get to the bottom of what's been going on, and what your son has and has not been doing. But it is completely inappropriate of them to approach a child, who can't defend themselves effectively, directly and in an aggressive manner. Your son needs to be guarded against adults who quite frankly sound unhinged.

If their kid is going to be at future parties, you or another adult clearly need to attend with your son.

We had this situation outside the school classroom and it nearly turned into full scale fisticuffs.

The son of the accusing mother had behaved like a bully from starting school 🙄

Anyway, definitely go through the school.

If a parent thinks that the solution is to talk to a 7-year-old child, then they themselves do not understand how to behave appropriately, and it is unlikely that their children are “victims” rather than the source of the problems.

Their behaviour was absolutely out of order. If there's an issue they should have raised if with the school or approached you (calmly) about it and tried to have a reasonable conversation with you, not corner your son like that.

That said, you do need to find out what the reason for this is and what triggered it. It could all be made up and the other boy might be bullying your son and this is another way of getting at him by getting his parents to have a go at your son. Or it's possible that your son is doing something which is upsetting the other boy.
The best thing to do would be to go into school to talk about it and to see if they have noticed anything going on and whether they can throw some light on the matter.

I will reiterate, it is never ok for adults to behave that way towards a child.

There is nothing a 7-year old can do that justifies 2 grown adults cornering them at someone else's party and frightening them to tears.

from op : my child was cornered by the parents of another classmate.

It's not two seperate adults doing this - is one set of parents.

It's also unacceptable behavior from any adults and in an inappropriate venue - parent of party child was horrified at them behaving like this and stepped in to stop it.

If bullying is happening it for parents to approach the school to deal with it. I also know parents of bullies often blame the bullied child and speaking to adults who witness it in school can give a very different pattern of behavior.

I would get the police involved. 2 adults on one child is never acceptable.

What evidence is there that your son is in fact a bully? My daughter told me she was being bullied at a similar age. I got her to keep a diary of events, turned out she just didn't like the girl. There was some mean and unkind words but what 7 year doesn't say stuff like that occasionally.

So according to you, theres no possible other explanation than the OP’s ds being a bully??

• Not parents being bullies themselves. Who in their own mind creates an ambush to a 7yo and shouts at them like this? What did they think it would achieve?
• Not their child having told tales, reported ONE incident wrongly (because theyre 7yo!), having fallen out the dat before on the playground (aka nirmal behaviour, not bullying) etc etc
• Not the parents thinking theyve seen something that never happened.

And even if the OP ds was a bully, this would NOT excuse their behaviour. It affected the ds but also the birthday child and all the other children there. Wrong time, wrong place, wrong way. And that’s on the parents EVEN IF the ds was a bully

If the school aren't being effective, then maybe talk to the parents. It's never appropriate to approach a 7yo child directly. Maybe "straight talking" might be ok in some circumstances with secondary age children, but not younger ones. Unfamiliar adults are too scary and intimidating.

I would actually report to the police & have a meeting with not only your child's teacher but the head teacher too, i wouldnt want those parents at my childs school. I feel so sorry for your child even if he has been unkind to their child, 2 adults shouldn't be shouting at a 7 year old.

'Bully' is a very big word to describe 7 year olds.

What on Earth was your son doing to provoke such a strong response at a party? This won't have come from nowhere.

my child was cornered by the parents of another classmate.

Two grown adults against one vulnerable child. Bang out of order. I’d confront and see if they are brave enough to sand up to an adult!