Two adults cornered and scolded my 7yo

[Rosie5832]

At a classmate’s birthday party, my child was cornered by the parents of another classmate. They accused him of bullying their son and told him to stop it. He said he wasn’t doing that and they kept on shouting at him that he was.
After this, he was very upset and was crying inconsolably.
Another parent - the mum of the birthday child - went to his assistance and messaged me telling me to return to the party as my son needed me, and that she couldn’t settle him at all (I had left for an hour). While she was messaging me, these two parents came over to her and told her my son was a bully - he was right there and still crying. She told them to back off. When I arrived, they rushed straight over to me and told me that my son was bullying their son etc. No acknowledgment from them that they had cornered him alone and shouted at him. It was only later at home that he told me what had happened, I called the other mum and she confirmed it, describing the way they approached me as an ‘ambush’. She said the whole party turned into a ‘sh*tshow’ because of the way these parents were behaving, and all the other parents - and probably some of the kids - could see what had happened.
I’m in shock over this. I’m meeting with the school teacher today to alert her to this incident and to make sure my son is kept safe in school.
I want to say something to these parents about their behaviour. Imo they were completely out of line, and all the other mums I’ve spoken to since agree that you never confront a child alone like that, regardless of what issue you have with them.
On the way in to school this morning, my son stopped dead just before the door and said, “why didn’t you stay at the party?”. He was clearly thinking about the whole incident and probably concerned that he would encounter these parents at the school.
Has anyone any experience of this kind of behaviour from other parents?

It’s never the right thing to frighten a child by accusing them of being a bully. It’s not the right thing when they are 7, nor when they are at secondary. Talk to the school and see what they say.

No I think the other child definitely needs to be safeguarded and it needs to be looked into. I'd be worried that if the parents could be that vile to another child in public then what are they like to their own child behind closed doors? That's another reason the school needs to be informed. Obviously the school can investigate the alleged bullying as well.

That's no excuse at all. The two parents cornered a small boy in a situation where he was vulnerable and bullied him. That's appalling behaviour from the adults. The situation you describe, where a boy hit another and was told off for the incident is nothing like what @Rosie5832 has described.
Frankly, if the two parents thought that their bullying was appropriate, it is more likely that their now children are the bullies, having learned from their parents.

Hrr child's safety is her first priority but yes part of that is figuring out to the best of her ability what on earth provoked this outburst from two grown adults, we all know you don't behave like this even if your child has been on the receiving end of something. Ops priority is her child as said, that includes finding out if he has been conducting behavior he shouldn't and teaching, educating himand where warranted punishing him for his behavior. From the behavior of the adults I am not convinced they seem like reasonable rational adults who have responded maturely to difficult behavior towards their child, they have completely discredited themselves in my eyes.

We don't know if that is the case. If it was a misunderstanding then those parents are horrible bullies themselves.

Personally, I don't think approaching a small child is the answer. A complete mismatch of power, understanding and size.

Because the police and school have nothing better to do than get involved in a parental spat!

I’m just wondering if they were asking him to stop certain behaviour and said it was bullying? The details of what the parents were intervening about is missing? If it was harmful behaviour I’m not sure it’s wrong to raise it…is it agreed they were shouting without reason? (I mean loud party or other danger?)

This sounds like one of those instances where the boys will be the best of friends while the parents are still arguing the toss. Happens a lot in schools.

Let's say your child did bully theirs, they told your child off and stuck up for their child. If someone did this to my child I'd do the same tbh

Adults cannot 'corner' children within even attempting to speak to the parent first. Come on.

I had the exact same thing hapoen to my dd (I'm going back a few years)

The mother thought the sun shone out of her dds arse and cornered my dd to shout at her to stop bullying her dd

I shot into school and demanded something was done/to tell me if my dd was the bully

The school said mine wasn't but acted like they where shit scared of the mother and where useless (so where the police-I think this woman's surname was 'known' and carried some weight)

They all moved up to secondary and both the mother and dd had a shock as that head wasn't scared of the family name and dealt with the child and her bullying

They are grown up now and she will spend the best part of her years in prison for attempted manslaughter (along with her brothers who are in for attempted murder)

But not their/her fault according to their mother who has 3 out of 4 of her dc in prison

My DS was bullied, the bullied child cries, loses self esteem, doesn’t want to go to school.

If OPs son has indeed bullied this other boy- then i’m sure the parents are at their wits end.

oP needs to say what happened before the parents cornered her child - had they asked him to stop? Had they spoke to him nicely about it? Did he run? Not the best way of dealing with things but sometimes the only way - OP doesn’t seem to be able to step up - not even mentioned what her DS had actually done - she must have asked? She is deflecting his bad behaviour as so often bully parents do.

What on earth do you expect the police to do? Telling off a child they were left in charge of, even shouting at them, is not a crime. You would rightly be told not to waste police time with this rubbish.

@Thewitchsong Yes, sadly, I'm not very optimistic for this boy's chances longer term. DS tells me he's still a bit of a twat but doesn't have the same influence he used to any more. But I know he also doesn't do very well at school so I do wonder what his chances are. And this mother clearly doesn't model good behaviour. sigh.

It seems strange they cornered him at the party if the bullying is allegedly happening on school. Did they think your son was bullying theirs during the party? Of course you need to investigate what has gone on with the school and go from there.

Whoever suggested involving the police, what on earth do you expect them to do? Arrest the parents for telling off someone’s child? Completely over the top.

If it ended there, I might understand.

But waiting until OP arrived, child is already in tears, and continuing in the same manner is seriously overkill, even if he was being mean to another child.

I've been the child in this situation and it still affects me to this day. I must of been around 8 years old, early 2000s.

It was early morning and myself and my friends were playing in the playground before school. I had been getting severely bullied by a particular girl. The school were well aware what was going on. When I was in a more secluded area of the playground the bully's mum approached me and stood over me, pointed at me and accused me of bullying her child. I hadn't even been anywhere near the bully that morning. I was extremely tearful, scared and upset I froze on the spot. Eventually the bell went but I was still frozen and my mother eventually found me with this particular parent and my mother went nuts at her. A meeting was called by the headteacher with both parents and the bully's parents got a massive bollocking for doing that to me.

Thankfully the child left at the end of that school year but it affected me for a very long time. I suffered with anxiety a lot after that surrounding school and I was never able to fully trust another parent as a child after that.

Regardless to what a child does and I say this as someone who was bullied as a child that sort of behaviour from an adult is scummy and unacceptable. Bullying or not this is not how you deal with a child. I worry about the children of people who think this is acceptable parenting.

An instagram by AngryMum caught my attention last night it showed her shrieking and absolutely losing the plot as apparently the child was bullying an autistic boy according to her. Turns out she was reprimanding her own son and the boy he was bullying was his autistic brother. And they wonder what creates bullies….

They weren't left in charge of the OP's child. It was the birthday child's mum who was in charge.

Did he run? What on earth? Are they now OK to go around chasing a random child?

Why do we assume when adults are mean to a child the child must have somehow deserved it. Some adults are just arseholes.

Frankly I wouldn’t give a shit what my child had done the minute an adult choose to approach and intimidate my child then their argument has lost all credibility. They might feel very confident to pick on a small child but they would have a whole bigger problem on their hands when I found out. People who approach the child and not the parent are cowards through and through.

Bullying is protracted and over time so it could hardly be just at the party. If it was relating to school they should have gone to the school.

To be honest I think you’re playing the victim significantly. I don’t think adults should be shouting at children but the way you feel in terms of wanting to keep your son safe, that’s exactly how these other parents felt. I would be wanting to get to the bottom of these bullying allegations and see why the other classmate has accused your son of bullying and what has triggered that. Don’t be blinded by your son being an angel in your eyes - both incidents could be true - your son could have bullied the other person, and their parents might have overreacted.

Obviously, the mum needs to check the bullying allegation.

But TWO adults bullying a 7 year old is borderline abusive, never mind just bullying. I would consider getting the police involved.

How cruel do you have to be to abuse your adult power, to abuse a child while he doesn't have a parent with him? The very height of disgusting.